My kids have caught the crazies. Quarantine us, stat!

Little Miss Sunshine has this new habit of dunking every bit of her food in her juice. Toast, crackers, raisins, apple slices, spaghetti with sauce…it all has a little juice added before eating. For flavour, I’m sure.

At least she hasn’t stooped to drinking the leftover juice-swill. YET.

Meanwhile, Captain Jelly Belly and Gal Smiley have developed a sudden, urgent need to be first at everything. I’ll tell them to use the bathroom because we are going out, and they both sprint to the toilet and drop their pants. Then, when they discover that two bums will not fit on the bowl, one ends up screaming and crying because they were not first, and the other ends up screaming and yelling their case as to why they were justified in taking the first pee slot. Then we’re inevitably made late while they both receive a lecture on yelling, screaming, pushing, shoving, and politely allowing our siblings to go first.

At least I haven’t killed either of them. YET.

Then today, the Captain and the Gal came home from school and were colouring while I made lunch. Sir Monkeypants, who is home sick, asks Gal Smiley what she has in her mouth. Turns out, after many threats to tell us the truth, it was gum.

GUM FROM THE BOTTOM OF A SEAT ON THE BUS.

Sir Monkeypants and I just about died from the HORROR.

And don’t think the Captain is an innocent. Oh no, He had some too, he just swallowed it before coming inside.

GUM. FOUND ON THE BUS.

Tell me this sickness has a cure, before I pull all my hair out.

After dinner this evening:

Gal Smiley: I have a little owie on my foot.
Sir Monkeypants: Maybe we will have to amputate.
Captain Jelly Belly: What’s amp-you-tate?
Sir Monkeypants: It’s when you go to the hospital and they cut off your arm or your leg.

At bedtime chat time:

Captain Jelly Belly: Why doesn’t Big Wheel [his stuffed monkey] have a penis?
Me: Um…I don’t know.
Captain: I know! Maybe they had to amp-you-tate!

OUCH.

Jenuine over at The MacLean Family tagged me for a meme, in which I must list seven things that characterize me. I don’t think she means white gloves and mouse ears. Or does she?

No, upon double checking, she did say seven personality traits. Here goes.

I am a loud talker. My voice is inherited from my father, I’m afraid.

I’m a long-winded story-teller. Sir Monkeypants, bless him, has learned over the years to tune out for at least five minutes in the middle of every story, and then tune back in just for the ending. Maybe you all should apply this same rule to my blog posts.

I like orange. Orange is cool. Oranges, however, I could take or leave. I’m more of an apricots girl.

I like to read first novels. They’re the ones that the author slaved over for years, spending hours perfecting every sentence. They also often have a lot of autobiographical content and I find that to be so relatable.

I like to listen to second albums. Every band that makes it big with their first album goes on to create a second album that is full of songs about travelling, being on the road, feeling lonely away from family. Love those themes.

I love to sing. I sing all the time, constantly. When I had a full-time job, I used to always sing while coding without being really aware of it. Sad to say, I am NOT a good singer. Maybe this explains why my pod-mates always had headphones on. Also it explains why Little Miss Sunshine yells, “NO! NO! NO!” at me whenever I try to sing along with the radio.

I have no sense of humour. You think I’m joking. But seriously, I do not. I often have to have jokes explained to me. I cannot stand practical jokes of any nature. I am not easy going in the slightest when I feel like I or someone I love am being mocked. If this were a Jane Austen book, I’d be described as the “dour, plain older sister” of the heroine. Seriously!

And now to tag! I was just at a meet-up for Ottawa area women bloggers last night in the market. There were a few whose blogs I read, but several more who are new to my Google Reader. I’d love to get to know them better! So, I tag Spydergrrl, Chantal at Two Hands Full, Anneke at Mudpuddle, Lalawawa, and Barbara at Tales Of Life With A Girl On The Go.

Check out my pretty new Blog Out Loud button in my sidebar! I have zero Photoshop skills so it took me all day to make it. I KNOW. That’s some weak Photoshop.

But it turned out nicely, I think. And it’s orange, of course, because I hear that’s what the cool kids are liking these days.

Anyway, if you’re reading at BOLO or attending BOLO or just would like to help me promote it, then you can get your own button here.

Also, I’m still looking to book more readers! Don’t feel like your posts aren’t good enough for this sort of thing. All viewpoints are welcome! Long posts, short posts! Funny posts, serious posts! And if you’re interested in hearing your stuff read, but are nervous about getting up in front of a crowd, I have a few people who have volunteered to read for others, if needed.

So no more excuses, now! Don’t make me hunt you down.

Yesterday I finally cracked. I’ve been trying really, really hard not to let the weather get to me, but yesterday, something managed to seep through my armour of cheer and wrap itself around my heart.

I felt cold, cold to the core, like I’d never be warm again. I turned up the heat (in JUNE), I was wearing a sweater and a fleece (in JUNE), and I cradled a hot cup of tea all day. When the Captain got home from school — in his raincoat and boots — he asked for a hot chocolate to warm up.

IN JUNE.

Gal Smiley is sick, so not only were we all huddling for warmth, desperate for ANY sign of spring or summer, but we were also all trapped in the house all day. We couldn’t go outside in the cold and rain, and we couldn’t take a field trip anywhere.

It was absolutely no different than a day in February. January and February are the hardest months for all of us, since we’re stuck at home all day and we end up watching too much TV and whining about how everything is BORING and wanting to scratch each other’s eyes out.

But all this winter I consoled myself by saying that it was just one more month, one more week, one more day until the nicer weather let us play in the backyard, or go for a bike ride, or go to the park.

I’M STILL WAITING.

Up until now I’ve held it together pretty well, continuing to pull out all the usual winter activities day after day, and trying to remain positive. Yesterday I caved in and spent the whole day curled up in a fetal position on the couch while the kids watched a movie. Okay, several movies.

I’m pissed off, spring. YOU SUCK. Next week it will be officially summer, and I swear to God, if we are not wearing shorts, I will MOVE TO HAWAII.

If I can bring myself to get off the couch, that is.

The other day Gal Smiley asked me what my favourite colour is, and I surprised myself by saying orange.

When I was a preteen my favourite colour was yellow. I remember in Grade 8, we had to do some art project centred around blue, red, or yellow, and I was the only one in the class that chose yellow. My art teacher told me that in his experience, 50% of kids choose blue, 49% choose red, and 1% choose yellow. I’m afraid that went straight to my head. Yellow was cool — the colour of rebels, man.

But by high school I’d moved on to red. I’d figured out that I looked much better in red than yellow, and I amassed so many red clothes that my mother had to introduce a new laundry load of just-reds. My Grade 10 English teacher, Ms. Robson, did this thing in the first week of school where we broke into groups, then got to ask her a bunch of interview-type questions. One of the groups asked, “What’s your favourite colour?” and I remember she said, “When I was young I liked yellow, but now I like red.” And all us teen girls nodded in quiet agreement. Ms. Robson was cool. Red was cool — the colour of pretty hip young teachers who let us ask them personal questions. Red rocked.

After university I went through a pink phase — I bought a new suit for my first job that was cream coloured with pink decorations, and I loved it. Even though pink does not flatter me, all my new pink clothes washed well with the old red ones. A few purple items made their way in there, too. Pink and purple were cool — the colour of girly girls. I felt pretty!

And now, suddenly out of nowhere, I seem to like orange. I blame the new set of markers I bought for the kids a few months back. There’s a lovely soft yellow-orange colour in there that I adore. It’s the colour of clementine oranges at Christmas. The colour of the inside of daffodils, the colour of the inside scoopings of jack-o-lanterns.

I looked online to see if this new colour choice reveals something deep and meaningful about my inner psyche. The “what does your favourite colour say about you” sites I found, though, are all hand-wavy and fluffy and new-agey and generally bogus. Liking orange may mean I feel more social now. It may mean I feel happy and sunny. It may mean I feel agressive and angry.

It may also mean I just like it.

One thing I did learn is that orange is the least popular colour among adults. Orange is by far the top choice when adults are asked to name their least favourite colour. In my age group, it doesn’t even register on the favourite colours pie chart.

Which means, of course, that orange is cool. Colour of rebels, man.

Well, I was hoping to have more news about the little blogger thingy — Blog Out Loud — by now, but I’m still waiting for about half of the Northern Hemisphere to return my emails.

I did set up a new blog about it, though, so non-Ottawa-area readers don’t have to keep reading my updates. You can watch the new blog for impending confirmation of the date and time. It looks like I won’t be able to get Thursday, July 23, as planned, so it will likely be the Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday of that week instead.

So far, all I have for sure is a location. You can read all about it here.

EDIT: It’s official! We got the Thursday, July 23 date. It’ll be from 7pm to 10pm. Hope to see you all there!

Pushing Daisies was on last night! I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet, but I’m pretty sure it was a new episode. There are three or four episodes that were never aired, and I guess ABC has decided to actually broadcast them (if showing them at 10 p.m. on Saturday nights can be called “broadcasting”). Whoo hoo! I’m excited.

There’s no way to save the show now, but you should watch them anyway. Then you should buy the DVD, and then you should call everyone you know in Hollywood and tell them to nominate the show for a hundred Emmys. Because even if we can’t save Pushing Daisies, we can honor its memory by encouraging TV execs everywhere to make more shows exactly like it. With the same cast. And writers. And costume designers. Maybe we could call it “Shoving Roses.”

A girl can dream, can’t she?

In other TV news, So You Think You Can Dance has returned. I will try very, very hard not to fill up my blog with talk of Dance Show, as it is known in our house, but really, during Dance Show season I think of little else so it will be tough. For now, just let me say this: CHBEEB. Oh yeah.

And speaking of exciting TV news, I just heard that Lin-Manuel Miranda is joining the cast of House next fall. Every time I think I’m ready to give up that show, they find some way to suck me back in. I adore Lin-Manuel because he ROCKS THE HOUSE on The Electric Company. He’s the genius behind the insta-classic, “Silent E is a Ninja.” It’s a must watch situation.

On the down side, we’ve been filling the time these days watching Season 1 of Rome, a show from a few years back. It came highly recommended by more than one person but so far — we’re on episode 5, I think — I am pretty bored. The writing is just awful — faux-Shakespearean awkwardness mixed with too much exposition. A typcal conversation might be, “Galexus is coming.” “Oh, Galexus your oldest son, with the taste for blood and the many kills in battle?”

Then comes the sound of me slapping my head in horror.

The political stuff is alternately boring, unbelievable, and inconsistent, too. It’s annoying as all hell. Still, I’m sticking it out because there’s precious little else to watch in June, and I really trust the many people who recommended it. So maybe it’ll get good, but for now, I say, stay away. FAR away.

And watch Pushing Daisies instead!

CapnPlanet and SmokingToaster have come and gone, and it was a great crazy messy loud visit. It was so, so very good to see them again — I just love talking to them. Although we’ve all finally admitted that they are going to live in California forever and ever, I like to imagine they live next door.

And we can barbecue with them whenever we want.

And we can play with their sons and watch them grow up into funny sweet kind little boys.

And also that they have a kitchen full of Kraft Dinner and chocolate chip cookies. See what great neighbours they would make?

Unfortunately, the visit was a little marred by the fact that the Captain was pretty sick. On Wednesday evening we went to the kids’ soccer game and he was coughing and complained that his chest hurt. Later that night he woke up vomiting (in his sleeping bag, with Gal Smiley sleeping about 6 inches away — she’s a Sleep Goddess and didn’t even wake up).

The vomiting was bad, but the really scary thing was that he could not breathe. The Captain officially has asthma, but as long as we keep his food allergies under control it really isn’t an issue. It’s been so long since we had any kind of breathing trouble with him that we don’t even think of him as asthmatic. We did our best to help him with his puffer, but after several hours of alternating between vomiting, coughing, and struggling to breathe, Sir Monkeypants finally took him to the emergency room at 4 a.m.

So, it wasn’t exactly a restful night. It made for a thrilling visit for SmokingToaster and CapnPlanet, but I’m sure this wasn’t exactly the kind of thrills they had in mind.

The hospital gave the Captain some steriods and it seemed to help. Yesterday he was fine except for a little cough, nothing major. This morning he had a field trip with his class to a local gymnastics place, so we decided he could go.

Just as SmokingToaster and CapnPlanet were getting ready to pull out of the driveway to head back to southern Ontario, the phone rang. It was the Captain’s teacher calling to let us know that they were at the gymnastics place and the Captain couldn’t breathe, so they were going to call an ambulance.

JESUS.

He’s home now, and doing okay. He’s still breathing raggedly but feeling alright (we have to keep telling him to SIT ON THE COUCH and stop bouncing around). We feel stupid for sending him to school but there you go.

So! Between staying up late to chat with our guests, and dealing with the Captain’s health crises at night, and sleeping on the floor (I gave up my spot in our bed for the Captain), and this morning’s events…it’s been a VERY tiring few days.

I’d say this calls for a nap.

Our friends SmokingToaster and CapnPlanet are arriving this afternoon for a four-day visit. I’m so excited!

When they lived here in Ottawa, SmokingToaster and CapnPlanet were our “of course” friends. Like, any event we planned, of course they’d be coming. Any night we had free, of course we would be doing something with them. We used to call them up on Friday evenings and say, “What are you having for dinner?” And they’d say, “Pasta with cream sauce,” and we’d say, “We’ll be over in 15 minutes with dessert.”

That they were too polite to tell us to bug off — Friday after Friday — is why they became our “of course” buddies.

Now they live in San Francisco and although we’ve kept in touch with email, phone calls, and The Dreaded Facebook, we’ve never actually met their two sons in person. Nor have they ever met any of our kids. So we’re really happy to have this opportunity to get to know them and their beautiful boys.

Even though I’m sure I’ll get the shakes, I probably won’t be blogging or commenting for the next four days. Is there a blogging equivalent of Methadone?

I’m sure the crap weather we are having this week is due to SmokingToaster and CapnPlanet’s visit. Nat claims it’s because she finally got around to getting out her summer clothes — and I’m sure that was a contributing factor, NAT — but at the heart of it, I know it’s because our friends are here.

This is practically the only month of the year when we can compete with California, weather-wise, and what does Ontario do? TOTALLY CHUFFS IT. How chuffed is it? I had to dig out mitts and winter hats for my kids to wear on the walk to school yesterday.

IT IS JUNE, people.

Despite the weather, nothing can dampen my spirits today…visitors are arriving! I’m off to make up some beds, bake some muffins, and bask in the glow of friend-love.