Lunch. James Lunch.

On September 17, 2009September 25, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead11 Comments

So this morning the school calls and tells me that the Captain’s lunch is missing. I know it was there, because today was a special day in which parents were invited to a Meet The Teacher breakfast, so I personally dropped the Captain off at his classroom, hung his backpack on its hook, and saw his lunch bag in the backpack when I took out his water bottle.

I immediately guessed it was stolen. And you know, I had left his backpack a bit unzipped, and you could see the lunch bag poking out, and I actually thought to myself at the time, “I should zip that closed so no one takes his lunch,” and then I thought, “How stupid, who is going to take a kid’s lunch, and it’s not like zipping it all the way closed is some Fort Knox-style protective device, anyway.”

So I didn’t zip it.

And the lunch went missing.

Man, was I pissed off. Since the Captain can’t eat any of the backup food that the school keeps on site due to his allergies, I had to rush to make him another lunch. The whole time I was frantically making sandwiches and washing grapes and preparing chocolate rice milk I was stomping around and muttering under my breath about HOOLIGANS who STEAL LUNCHES and what the HELL is this world COMING TO, anyway. I paused occasionally to dash off angry emails to Sir Monkeypants and to protest loudly about the injustice of the universe on Twitter.

When the second lunch was ready, I packed up Little Miss Sunshine and dashed over to the school, and guess what I found in the Captain’s backpack?

HIS LUNCH BAG.

It turns out that my leaving his backpack a bit unzipped had caused it to fall onto the floor, where it apparently TURNED INVISIBLE. Seriously, Captain! The teacher asked him to do a “thorough search” of the hallway, floor, and his cubby area, and that blue thing? Sitting in plain view in the middle of the floor under his hook? The squarish thing filled with food? Was IN DISGUISE. Completely hidden by the wide expanse of WHITE FLOOR.

It’s the 007 of lunches, I guess.

It wasn’t that big a deal in the end, because I had to be there to pick up Gal Smiley anyway. I know I’ve vented quite a bit here about how dreadful it is having to walk back and forth to the school all the time, like, write me a novel and call it Turtlehead’s Progress, but here’s a little secret…

There are actually some good things about it. I know! It’s shocking!

The second best thing is that I can eat a cupcake every day after lunch now, and not gain any weight. Which is AWESOME.

The best thing, though, is that when I go to pick up Gal Smiley, both she and the Captain are having outdoor playtime, and I can watch them from the side of the school grounds. Usually they don’t notice I’m there right away, and I can see them interact with their friends completely candidly, and it’s so wonderful. I just love seeing them playing tag, or digging in the sand, or just chatting with their buddies, all grown-up and child-like and GORGEOUS. It’s a little window into their World Without Mommy, and I love being able to play Peeping Tom for a few minutes a day.

Gal Smiley has to play in the kindergarten area, which is fenced off from the rest of the playground, and the Captain’s class usually gathers in the area right outside the kindergarten fence. Often, the Captain and the Gal are on either side of the fence chatting with each other, which is so awesome it melts my heart right away. Yesterday, when I arrived at the school grounds, they were chatting at the fence when the bell rang, and the Captain gave the Gal a quick kiss on the cheek before running back into the school. It was my proudest moment to date as a Mommy.

I freakin’ LOVE those kids.

Anyway, due to the whole no lunch/lunch thing today, I got to watch them on the playground for an extra ten minutes. A whole extra ten minutes of watching the most beautiful kids in the world. Ten minutes of pure delight. Ten minutes of joy.

And then I came home to a pre-made lunch of sandwiches and grapes and chocolate rice milk.

So a happy ending, don’t you think?

Just Call Me Lynn-Marc Genereaux

On September 16, 2009September 16, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead3 Comments

The scene: So You Think You Can Dance Canada stage. Imagine me in a comfy armchair slightly to the left of guest judges Dan Karaty and Karen Kain. Time for some thoughtful thoughts on last night’s dances — you read it as I think it.
Continue reading “Just Call Me Lynn-Marc Genereaux” →

Gonna Be a Busy Year

On September 15, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead7 Comments

Warning: Extreme Whining Alert.

When Sir Monkeypants and I were deciding whether or not to have that third kid, the biggest argument against was the fear of total chaos. We felt like we were barely on top of having two kids, and didn’t want to mess with the delicate equilibrium.

But then we decided to go for it anyway. I remember saying to Sir Monkeypants, “It’ll be a few years of absolute craziness, but after that, it’ll be years and years of absolute joy.”

The first year was actually okay. We saved aggressively so Sir Monkeypants could take a three month parental leave, which eased the transition for everyone and helped me recover from my C-section. Once he was back at work, Little Miss Sunshine was happy to be confined to her exersaucer or playmat, and the older two played happily together while I managed (barely) to stay ahead of the chores.

I thought we might have some scheduling challenges that year, but it all worked out fabulously well, too. Sir Monkeypants would drop the Captain at school; three days a week I’d drop Gal Smiley at preschool, then have a whole hour to myself while the Little Miss napped. The school bus would drop the Captain at our door just in time for a quick snack before we’d all truck over to get the Gal.

The second year was a breeze. Both the older kids were on the same school schedule, the bus stopped right outside our door again, and the Little Miss stopped napping in the mornings so we could even go out and do the grocery shopping or Christmas shopping or even just go to the park.

I thought I had it all figured out.

Then came the third year.

This year is going to be very loooooong.

I thought by now I’d be back into the swing of things, back into a schedule, back making it all run like clockwork. But holy CRAP, we are BUSY.

I tried to do the grocery shopping this morning, as I always did on Tuesdays last year, but it turns out that the morning is now not quite long enough to get to the store and back. That’s because we have to be home a whole hour earlier than last year, so we can leave in time to walk over to the school for dismissal time; last year, since we were the last bus stop, I didn’t have to be home until a whole half hour after dismissal time.

The morning is also not quite enough time to get to the mall, and not remotely enough time to visit any stores that open at 9:30 or later.

Once we pick up the Gal from morning JK, the Little Miss has to eat and nap, so we are stuck at home. Then we walk over to get the Captain, and by the time we get home and he has a snack and stops whining about the walk, it’s time to make dinner.

Where the heck does the day go?

Last year I was so on top of things. I did all our shopping during the week, I took the Little Miss for various activities, I did dinner prep hours in advance. I took all three kids to the park almost every day when the weather was good; when it wasn’t, there was plenty of time for crafts or riding bikes in the basement. We had a rhythm: work, eat, play. It was all in there.

Now I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off.

I guess this is the “few years of absolute craziness.” Guess it’s time I paid my dues.

(That third one was still totally worth it, though.)

I Can No Longer Remain Silent

On September 12, 2009September 13, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead5 Comments

Okay. I KNOW I said I wouldn’t be blogging (much) about So You Think You Can Dance Canada. But I am irate, IRATE, at the state of the so-called “judging” on that show. Not only are the judges so rah-rah positive all the time that their comments are moot, but there are usually four of them instead of three, so we have to listen to 33% more drivel.

Plus, the eliminations have been stupid and fathomless and completely without explanation.

So, I feel I must step forward with some actual CRITICISM. After all, how will Canada know how to vote without my valuable opinions?

I had hoped to live-blog this Tuesday’s episode, so you all could just mute out the actual judges and read my comments instead. However, it turns out that’s my first PTA meeting of the year (heh heh heh…let the ruling of the world BEGIN), so I have to watch it later. I’ll post some commentary as soon as I get a chance to view it.

In the meantime, let’s talk final 14 and top 10, shall we? Here’s who I’d like to see make the top 10:

Jayme Rae and Daniel: Duh.

Melanie M. and Cory: I love Melanie M., I think she’s my favourite. Cory is not as strong as most of the other men but even I have to admit (COUGAR ALERT) that he is just adorable. You definitely want Cory on the tour to satisfy all the screaming tweenage girls in the audience.

TJ and Everett: I’m so happy to see Everett toning things down and letting Austin take all the jackass points. These two are sweet and competent but they will have to do more to stand out if they are going to finish high on the show.

Kim and Emanuel: Kim is a no-brainer. Emanuel…much more controversial. He’s really good when he’s asked to play himself onstage; he’s not so good at everything else (his turn at hip-hop from week one still makes me LAUGH HEARTY). In the end I put him in the top ten for two reasons: one, he’s well-known in Canada, so his name might be a draw for the tour; and two, his being on the tour will allow Kim and him to do their Love Sex Magic number from last week live (loved it). So, I give him a pass but I’m counting on Canada to send him home in the first week of top-ten voting.

Natalie: I love how Natalie can totally kick ass when she’s krumping, and then be so sweet and adorable and kind in her interviews. I want her to move to my street so she can join my poker night and book club.

Vincent: For a ballroom guy, Vincent sure does put together energetic, original, and entertaining solos. He’s a great dancer and a great personality and I’m sure the judges will protect him until at least the top 10.

So, who sucks ass and should go home?

AMY: Oh man, I really, really do not understand the hard-on the judges have for Amy. Why do they persist in keeping her week after week, over much better dancers, when it’s clear she sucks and Canada does not like her? There must be some political reasoning here that I am not getting. If only they had sent her home last week, we could have seen Jenna Lynn with Vincent — a pairing that I thought would be exciting and well balanced. Send Amy home now!

Danny: I always forget Danny is on the show. During the opening bit when the dancers are introduced, he shows up, and I’m always all, “Who is that guy?” He’s just so incredibly forgettable — total white bread personality. His dancing is the same — precise and correct, yet devoid of all character. He’s done like dinner.

Corynne: I am very tired of her “Hee hee hee, I’m 12 years old!” personality. I think her dancing is passable at best; she has had some serious misses and shows little versatility. Bye bye.

Austin: This was a tough call. Austin is possibly the best male dancer this season. But his obnoxious preening, his constant lack of shirt, and inability to actually SHARE the stage with his partner has made Canada really dislike him. He’s just not clicking with the audience, so he’s not getting the votes. In the end I chose Emanuel to join the top 10 over Austin because Emanuel and Kim will be better on the tour than Austin and any of his revolving-door partners.

So, having not seen this week’s episode at all, I would recommend that Canada NOT vote for Corynne/Austin, Danny/Natalie, and Amy/Vincent, and then pray that the judges send home anyone but Natalie and Vincent. (Actually, THEY better do the praying, because if they screw up AGAIN, I am going to have to kick some ass. I’ve been watching The Wire, people, do NOT mess with me.)

Ranking my dream top 10…the girls go Jayme Rae, Melanie M., Kim, TJ, and Natalie. The boys go Daniel, Everett, Vincent, Cory, and Emanuel.

SYTYCD Canda producers — call me when you want some REAL comments on your stupid show. SHEESH.

My Secondest Poll Ever

On September 10, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead1 Comment

This poll is totally non-binding, because my founding partner LuckySevens actually has veto power.

But just out of curiousity, what do you think we should call our trivia team?

Big! Day! Of! Fun!

On September 10, 2009September 10, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead13 Comments

When the Captain turned five, I wanted him to have a Big! Day! Of! Fun!, and I think we did a good job. He still talks about all the fun stuff we did that day, and plans to basically relive the entire process every year until he’s 70, or when he breaks a hip, whichever comes first. In any case, it was a great day and a fun time.

This year, Gal Smiley is turning five, so we have big big plans. We started by giving her all kinds of ideas for birthday activities. Since she’s a very visual person (and has a memory like a sieve), I drew pictures of all the potential fun stuff — bowling, mini golf, painting craft at a pottery store, and so on — and she added some ideas of her own. Then we looked at the big sheet of drawings and she picked out her favourite package.

In the end, all she really cared about was a) wearing pyjamas and b) eating popsicles. So you know, not exactly a tough order.

Although her birthday isn’t for a couple of weeks, we are having her party this coming Saturday, due to scheduling issues on the upcoming two weekends. She’s SUPER excited.

The really crazy thing, though, is that one of the girls we invited to the party is having her birthday party the same day, but at a different time. Her party is at a place that required a booking, so they couldn’t change the date. We didn’t find out about her party until after we’d already sent around Gal Smiley’s invitations. We talked about changing Gal Smiley’s party, but she was so excited and due to the issues with our family schedule, we would have had to push it off for three more weeks.

So in the end, the other girl’s mother and I decided what the hell, we’ll let them go to both parties and TOTALLY FREAK OUT. Talk about your big day of fun! Gal Smiley and her friend will now be going to her party from 1pm to 4pm, then Gal’s party from 4pm to 7pm.

Good times, good times. Did I mention we have our first gymnastics class at 8:30am the next morning? Whee!

Anyway, on to birthday party craftiness. I am not really that crafty, but I try. Here’s the invitation I made up:

I printed this out as a photo (17 cents each at the Superstore) and then glued them onto a plain white piece of bristol board to make a little postcard. Then Gal Smiley scrawled each guest’s name on the back for delivery.

On Saturday, we’ll start by greeting the guests and having rocket popsicles:

Then, we’ll be doing this craft — gluing various sparkly things and ribbons on to mirrors.

I bought the mirrors at IKEA and pre-painted them white. The mirrors were $4 a piece — a little pricey, maybe, but I liked the fact that the frames were so big, so there was so much space for the kids to decorate. This one is my test run/sampler — it’ll be going to one little girl who couldn’t make the party. The sparkly bits and ribbons all came from Michaels.

Next, we’ll be having dinner of hot dogs and fruit, and dessert of sheepy cupcakes (these are a batch I made for Little Miss Sunshine’s birthday last month):

Then we’ll open presents and put on some temporary tattoos. If there’s time, we’ll have a bit of a dance party.

By 5:30pm or so, we’ll crash on the couch in front of a movie — Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus.

I LOVE this movie, because it is so wonderfully hilarious. Barbie is a princess (of course) and a champion figure skater (of…course?) and has a fluffy baby polar bear friend (naturally) and her own pink pegasus to fly around on (don’t we all). It’s every girl’s dream life! We chose it because we have seen it before, so we know it’s safe (i.e. nothing scary) and also, we figure most of the other girls haven’t seen it.

Anyway, there will be popcorn, chips, and some candy during the movie, and if anyone falls asleep — hey, they’re already in their jammies! When pick-up time rolls around, all the girls can just be carried home (they all live on our street) and popped right into bed.

On their way out the door, the girls will each receive one of these loot bags:

These are from the Etsy shop The Ole Bag Lady, who I love love love love love. She makes cloth bags for gift giving and they are lovely and inexpensive. The bags I ordered for the party are her “Going to Grandma’s” bags, which are quite large (about 12 by 14 inches), are fully lined, and have cloth handles. I figured I’d be spending a few dollars each on gift bags, so why not get something environmentally friendly and reuseable? I think these would make great bags for dance shoes, lunches, art totes for the car, or even for a change of clothes for going to Grandma’s for a night. I bought a variety of patterns — Gal Smiley is not much of a girly-girl so she picked out a monkey one for herself, and I bought a boyish one for the Captain. She gave me a discount on my bulk order, and added a couple of freebie gift bags, too. AWESOME. I will definitely shop there again.

Each bag is labelled with a tag with the girl’s name on it,, and decorated with sparkles in various shapes. Gal Smiley and I made these one afternoon — it was a fun activity and a good way to help her feel involved in the party preparation. Plus, she LOVES to use sparkles.

Lastly, inside each bag is a Webkinz. They were on sale 2-for-1 at the Boomerang, which is great, and also we had enough cash in our Boomerang account from selling some baby toys that it covered the half-price cost. Win-win!

Whew! I wore myself out just typing up this post! I don’t know how we’re going to find the energy to do it all in real life…and another party too.

I know. It’s crazy.

But I think it’ll definitely be a Big! Day! Of! Fun!…assuming we can handle all that fun. Whoo hoo!

Dance! Show!

On September 9, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead5 Comments

Tonight is the prime time premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, American edition. I’ll BE THERE.

Meanwhile, tonight is also another elimination episode of So You Think You Can Dance Canada. I really, really wish that SYTYCD Canada would hire me to do the eliminations on this show. It’s not that I’m mean or I enjoy confrontation — quite the opposite. But the judges on Canada — Jean-Marc gives the bad news to the girls, Tre breaks it to the men — SUCK SO BAD. They never offer meaningful feedback or any hint as to how they reached their decisions; they either try for fake drama very, very poorly, or “get it over with quickly” with no build up or information. SUCKS.

Memo to Jean-Marc and Tre — here’s how to eliminate someone with style:

1. Ask one of the three dancers to step forward. This may be someone who is leaving or someone who is going home — shake it up week to week, but do not blindly alternate between staying/going, because that is stupid.

2. If the dancer is staying, start by giving them a tough lecture on why they ended up in the bottom three, and what they need to do to improve, then “shock” the audience by sending them to safety. If it’s someone who obviously does not belong in the bottom three, because Canada does not know how to use a telephone properly, then don’t mess around, just send them to safety.

3. If the dancer is not staying, tell them you love them and they have so much potential, but they didn’t connect with the audience/have chemistry with their partner/show versatility/wear the right costumes/whatever. And home they go.

4. If the first dancer was sent to safety, address the remaining two dancers. Give them some quick feedback — “Dancer One, you have great lines and strength, but you just haven’t developed as much as we would like to see. Dancer Two, you have amazing personality, but your technique is weak.” Maybe mention if the judges were unanimous or not, Nigel loves that on the American version. Then, Dancer X is the one going home.

See? NOT SO HARD.

Also, I really, really, REALLY wish that whoever writes Leah Miller’s script would knock it off with the super-annoying fake-out crap, like, “You will have to dance for your lives…ANOTHER TIME!” Oh yes, messing with the dancers and the audience, to the point where we no longer understand what the hell she is saying — so, are they safe? are they dancing? I don’t even think Leah knows! — is STUPID.

In unrelated news, I noticed this morning while writing a cheque that today is 09/09/09. That’s cool.

Turtlehead Toy Hospital

On September 7, 2009September 7, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead7 Comments

Welcome to the Turtlehead Toy Hospital. Time for rounds.

Birdhouse

Our first patient is a small birdhouse that was created by Gal Smiley at a birthday party. Sadly, the dress she was wearing while making this craft did not survive the process; soon after, the house itself developed a critical crack in the base.

Today, our doctors treated the split with super glue and a clamp. Prognosis is excellent; expected to make a full physical recovery. However, we can do nothing about the birdhouse’s ongoing guilt issues surrounding the dress.

Ring

Next patient is a large “diamond” ring from the same birthday party. Finger loop was radically severed from the jewel section in a terrible accident of curiosity. Pieces have been united with super glue. Prognosis is good; glue appears to be holding and the ring will be sent back in for another round, this time with a warning about curiosity and cats.

Plane

Beloved miniature pink plane, believed to have originated in a Christmas cracker or perhaps a gumball machine. Developed an obvious crack midsection that resulted in many, many tears. Prognosis is excellent; super glue repair is holding, but may find bathtub visits to be limited in the future.

Bug

Red bug-like creature, ignored for months before launching into superstar favourite toy status for three short days. Crazy fame cycle brought to an abrupt halt with the loss of a leg. Prognosis is fair; after a rough night, superglue now appears to be holding, but legs continue to be delicate. May never see those halcyon days of boy-love again, but will survive to live out his days happily in the famous box, no doubt regaling the other toys endlessly with tales of his days in “the show.”

Mixer

Next patient is a beater from a toy mixer. After surviving being thrown, dropped, soaked in water, dropped again, sat on, dropped again, and leaky batteries, couldn’t quite make it through a visit with Little Miss Sunshine. Thankfully prognosis is excellent; repair was easy and is holding well, and most likely patient will survive to be dropped many more times in the future.

Crown

This patient, a princess crown, has been in a few times and we are beginning to suspect a pattern of abuse may be at work. In this case, a bad break in the band resisted all attempts at gluing and we had to break out the duct tape. Duct tape is currently holding but patient is still in critical condition. We are considering holding this patient for further rest and review.

Update: The duct tape is NOT holding. Call a Code Blue!

Earring

Our last patient is a fashion flower earring, admitted for shock and stress after losing its partner in a horrible, unspeakable superglue accident that resulted in the superglue protective gloves being glued to a very nice and innocent pink v-neck t-shirt. Hopefully tranquilizers and maybe a new pairing with a simple “diamond” will bring about some recovery.

We’ll continue to monitor all patients overnight and expect most to be released in the morning.

What I’ve Learned In My First Week As a Walker Mom

On September 4, 2009September 4, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead8 Comments

1. The school’s clock is two minutes faster than all other clocks. You are later than you think you are.

2. Don’t even think of picking up the Captain without a juice and snack. DO NOT THINK OF IT.

3. Even though it’s September and coolish and the walks are in the morning or later in the afternoon, we still need sunscreen.

4. Take the outside temperature, add ten degrees, and dress for that higher temperature. That’s how hot it is going to feel while pulling a wagon loaded with two kids, snacks, and backpacks through the shadeless streets, uphill both ways.

5. Gal Smiley can’t make the walk twice a day. On the second trip, she must ride her bike or ride in the wagon. Don’t even think of letting her walk. DO NOT THINK OF IT.

6. And speaking of Gal Smiley, no walking in flip flops.

7. It’s going to take longer than you think to walk to the school.

8. It’s going to take even longer to walk home.

9. Every bug in creation knows the sound of the school bell and considers it a signal to SWARM. Try not to eat any.

10. Bring LOTS of tissues.

11. No, more than that.

12. Don’t even think of letting Little Miss Sunshine out of the stroller. DO NOT THINK OF IT.

That’s How They Do

On September 3, 2009September 3, 2009 By LynnIn TurtleHead4 Comments

Sir Monkeypants recently got his hands on all five seasons of The Wire, a show few people in Canada have seen but one that is widely regarded as one of the greatest series of all time. He started watching it late at night after I was in bed, but then he got so sucked into it he wanted to watch it the very minute the kids were in bed.

As a result, I jumped in at about episode six of the first season, and OH MY GOD. I totally see what the fuss is about. The show is so amazing — absolutely mesmerizing and a true-feeling picture of a completely different world. The police on the show, with their electric typewriters and “secret” tape recorders the size of my arm, and the drug dealers, with their fabulous wardrobes and constant paranoia, and the drug addicts with their terrible hand-to-mouth existence in the projects, are all just so compelling. I loved it right away.

But I hate watching stuff out of order. Don’t even think of trying to get me to watch a sequel before the original. For the two hours of constant whining, bitching, and sulking you’re going to get, you may as well have driven to the video store and rented the original and made it a double bill. Ask Sir Monkeypants. Trust me, HE’LL TELL YOU.

So, since I had already missed several earlier episodes, and Sir Monkeypants was still watching it after I went to bed, he’s now hours and hours ahead of me in the series and getting farther ahead all the time. Each evening for the past week, he’s dashed to the TV after the kids are down.

I didn’t even get to watch Dance Show this week, people. THAT’S HOW HE DO.

Anyway, I find myself suddenly with a couple of hours of free time on my hands in the evenings now. Turns out, if you keep your butt off the couch at the end of the day, you can actually get something accomplished — who knew?

Last night I was working on labelling some of our old photos and getting ready for my book club meeting tonight and making lunches for the next day. Then, while tidying up the art supplies, I got distracted with this:

Pretty Pretty Ponies

Oh, that’s right. I coloured. Pretty Ponies. For a good half hour. There I was, picking out the perfect shade of pink or purple or yellow for a pony’s mane, while the TV showed drug dealers in jail and teenagers getting beat down and plenty of cops using the word, “motherfucker.”

Just another typical evening in the Turtlehead household!