I recently joined a gym.
Those who know me probably just either a) went to lie down before the dead faint hits, or b) went to call their mother, for surely the apocalypse is at hand.
I so very much hate the gym. It’s a terrible smelly place, I have to leave my house to get there, then I feel totally self-conscious while I force my body to do things it does not want to do. The only thing worse than the gym is Satan’s Punishment, also known as Running, which is Evil. But going to the gym for a “workout” is only one small step down from that.
I joined this one because a) it’s attached to Sir Monkeypants’ work, so it was cheap, so if (ha! WHEN) I stop going, we won’t be out that much money, b) Mrs. Carl Sagan goes there, and she offered to email me weekly with a “Get your ass to the gym, and I will see you there” gentle threat, which is suprisingly effective, and c) I was close to turning into a human jellyfish.
So I’ve been three times now, and it’s as horrible as you might expect but I’m surviving. Today was my third visit and I was late, which is THE WORST. You have to go in there when the class is already in session, and get all your equipment and then struggle to find a free bit of floor space, while everyone stares at you and thinks MY GOD SHE IS SO FAT IN THOSE YOGA PANTS. (Possible projection on my part, brought on by GIANT MIRRORS that seriously, must be from a funhouse, yes?)
I was late because there is approximately 500 separate areas of construction between my house and the gym, and a drive that should have taken me 10 minutes actually took close to half an hour, including two detours, several complete stops in traffic jams, and three different locations where cops were directing people through. GAH. I thought a) summer was the construction season, and b) someone somewhere would have the sense not to book every single project for the exact same time.
And of course, I had left leaving to the absolute last possible second, even though I knew about (most of) the construction, because it’s sooooooo haaaaaard getting up off the couch to go to the gym, and really, there’s always time for just one more YouTube video, and also, how can I be expected to make it through the class without a little sugar-and-gluten-based snack, and I can’t possibly leave without my favourite water bottle, no not THAT ONE, the OTHER ONE.
So I was late, then I was cranky, then I worked out, and then I was more cranky. But Mrs. Carl Sagan was there, and she was cheerful, and the body pump instructor was also nice and did not single me out in any way (because that basically means CERTAIN AND IMMEDIATE DEATH), and after an epic half hour journey home I may, just may, have time for a quick hot shower and another round of tea and cookies (guilt-free!) before picking up my kids, and that’s all good.
So I shall stop whining, and embrace the lovely fall day, and celebrate my freedom from the dreaded gym for another week. Triumph!
TurtleHead 
Hey, I’d like to join you for these torture sessions. Misery loves company, you know?
I would love that! But Mrs. Carl Sagan and I go to the gym inside the building at Sir Monkeypants’ work (Mr. Carl Sagan works there too). It’s badge access so I think it’s only for employees and their spouses. But if your gym has a “bring a friend” day I’d be interested in trying a class with you. (You can feel free to use it to mock my general fitness level 🙂 ).
good on you! I have a membership, to a different place of torture. Haven’t gone in 2 months since i slipped a disk in my back. Hope to be back there soon though. Kinda miss the place. Stockholm syndrome for sure.
“Stockholm syndrome for sure…” HEE!
You nailed it! But I do hope you get more out of your membership than I did…a year of bi-weekly withdrawals from my account…and 6 visits. Total. For the year. Worst pay-per-use rate for anything I’ve ever done. EVER.
SO typical of the one other time I attempted a gym. I’ve already been to this one three times so I that’s like, half as many times as I went to the other one in 18 months. GAH.
Hey, you did it, and that’s awesome too. Now you can have more PIE. You can have all of mine 🙂
Oh, it’s not *that* smelly! 🙂 As far as gyms go, it’s really not so bad…small and not overflowing with muscleheads. And you totally RAWKED those yoga pants. Keep your eye out for next week’s gently threatening e-mail.
MANY thanks :).
I’m trying to squeeze in hot yoga classes a couple times a week cause I actually like it…unlike the gym where I feel out of place. Meeting a (gently threatening) friend totally helps though! Good for you for going. And yeah what is up with construction every single place you turn lately? Everywhere!
Good for you for getting out there. I’ve toyed with the idea of joining a gym, but I don’t think I’d be able to go enough for it to be worth it. Running works for now.
I totally admire your running program. There is nothing I hate more than running, I just can’t imagine getting motivated to actually get out there and do it. I am in awe of runners everywhere!
Gosh, you are my hero! I once fainted at the gym because of low blood sugar and that is my self-inflicted reason why I can’t go there. Ha. 🙂 But I’m still not going to the gym. I’d rather go for a bike ride, or take someone’s dog for a walk, or pick up a child for lunch even if they don’t want to come home just to get an extra 5 block walk in…and gym’s ARE smelly. Sonja’s gymnastics class is in a smelly gym and I don’t have to DO anything there, just sit (my favorite activity)…turns me right off. lol
But you’re doing it!! Good for you. Perhaps if you go there before you go back home to sit at the computer, you won’t be late/cranky…I find my extra walking is done with a lot more gusto if I take the long way home from school and run a couple of on-foot errands than if I go home, have coffee, and a treat. Much harder to get back out there once at home in the peace and silence. Once I have coffee my excuse is since I will need to pee every 10 minutes for the next hour I can’t possibly go anywhere, and by then it’s lunch and I’m hungry…
So if I’m already out at school drop off and staying out, I have no excuse NOT to exercise. Know what I mean? Good luck, I hope you see it through!
🙂
About 4 years ago I bought an elliptical trainer. It was very expensive but I use it at least four times a week and never have to leave the comfort of the house. Also I can watch youtube videos WHILE burning calories. It’s a win-win.
Totes embarrassing admission: I actually own an ellipitcal, too. It’s about four years old and I’ve probably used it four times. I do dust it regularly though so that’s like “fitness,” right?
I used to love Body Pump before I got to class and after I left. Not so much during class.
However, I’m actually here to say that I tried to go to Stittsville for 9 am yesterday.
Hunt Club is under construction. Richmond is under construction. Fernbank is under construction.
And then I got to Stittsville Main and it was closed for a parade/race/Halloween party. Not sure exactly what, I saw someone with fairy wings, about 20 people in kilts with bagpipes, and a bunch of people with race bibs.
My head almost exploded.
I did get there eventually, though, but I was also late.
The only exercise I really like is swimming, so I do that once a week, and I don’t mind the exercise bike in my basement because I can read while I do that. (Peeking in from Swistle’s coffee shop).
I’m trying not to do the “YOU ever feel fat? Don’t be stupid!” thing, because I know even thin people can have body issues, and I don’t want to say I find it comforting that even thin people feel self-conscious at the gym…. so, what I want is to erase this and slink away, i guess, but I’ll try to go in another direction instead. Good for you! Health! Energy! Bonding time with friend bitching about exercise while exercising! I’ve gone to my current gym more than I ever did with any other gym, but I’m in a pretty non-recouping-my-investment-period at the moment. For which I blame Pam.