Today I was very nearly wiped out by a cube van. I was driving along a street, belting out I Saw Her Again (Last Night) by the Mamas and the Papas (Mama Turtlehead loves her soft rock station, DEAR LORD WHAT HAVE I BECOME). The cube van was coming out of a mini-mall driveway too quickly, and slid out into the road with just an inch or two of clearance to the back of my minivan as I zoomed past. I wasn’t even aware of what was happening until it was over.
I was on my way home from getting groceries and my first thought, having just escaped death, was that if I did happen to be flatted by a truck that Sir Monkeypants would be stuck with three kids and NO GLUTEN FREE SUPPLIES. Eating gluten-free is preventing me from even having normal thoughts about dying in a fiery car crash. Who cares about leaving my babies motherless and sad. They will have to EAT GLUTEN. The horror!
Some have asked me if I feel any different, now that I’m eating about 80% gluten-free myself. I’ve heard the stories online about people who have found bottomless pits of energy, have had their skin clear up, have effortlessly lost 30 pounds, all just by cutting out the gluten.
Sadly, I seem to be serving as a counter example as I still fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 p.m., have regular breakouts, and have actually gained weight since Christmas. It probably doesn’t help that I am making up for the lack of gluten with a constant stream of Peppermint Patties, Hershey Kisses, and candy canes. I can’t have my gluten! I need comfort foods! Pass me that bag of chips.
But even so, I would be willing to stick to the gluten-free lifestyle forever if I thought it would really help the Captain. The jury’s still out on that. It’s only been a month, but so far we haven’t seen any miracle changes – he is still having some on and off breathing trouble, and he’s still having mystery allergic reactions. He seems a bit less sniffly, which may be worth it just for our own sanity. But yeah, one month in and we’re still waiting-and-seeing.
And also trying not to be hit by cube vans. Think of the teff flour, BY GOD.