Yesterday, the Captain brought home a book from school that his class had written. Each kid wrote one page about their favourite part of their own body.
It was one of those things that makes your heart well up with pride, because they have obviously worked so hard on the project and thought about it a lot. And the innocence and purity of their words is so sweet and cute.
And also: FREAKING HILARIOUS.
I kept bursting out with laughter while reading it, which granted was not my finest Mommy moment. That sort of thing leads to all kinds of awkward questions from the kids, like “What’s so funny, Mommy?” and “Why are you laughing, Mommy?” and “Do you need a tissue, because you are snorting a lot?”
But seriously, I defy you to keep a straight face when reading these:
[My brain] will achieve everything needed even the things that I absolutely hate like listening to my dad’s commands to do more homework.
My supreme, epic, wicked neck never fails me.
This handsome thinker [ed note: his head] sits on my peaceful neck.
I use my arms to eat at home at 5:30.
When I wear blue my eyes pop like fireworks. Sometimes they don’t pop because it’s a different shade of blue.
My legs are epic and make me run fast.
Staying up you might think is not significant, but I need my feet to stay up or I’ll be tired.
It [his carotid artery – this kid is some kind of genius] is special to me because without it my head might blow up and then my massive brain would not be attached to my body and I’d be dead!
My smile is so bright that sometimes other people can see their self-reflection off my teeth.
My bones are epic. Epic like a cheetah.
That last one is my ultimate, all-time favourite. “Epic like a cheetah” is definitely, definitely my new catch-phrase. Also the name of my next blog, my future rock band, and my first novel. It’s EPIC, like a CHEETAH, man.