Little Miss Sunshine turned three years old on Sunday (my baby!), and as a gift she received the fine film Barbie As Rapunzel on DVD. I’d like to put the blame on one of her grandmothers, but the truth is I bought it with my own two hands. It’s because I’m totally in love with Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus, which just might be the greatest movie ever made, and when I say that, I am only 5% facetious, and 95% massive fan-girl. Seriously. I can only give thanks that I have two little girls, and that gives me an excuse to watch it as often as I do. Otherwise, Sir Monkeypants would think I am even weirder than he does now.

But I digress! Rapunzel is an okay movie, although it’s no Magic of Pegasus. Barbie is spunky enough and clever enough and all that, and of course has a cute little dragon friend (not nearly as cute as Shiver The Baby Polar Bear in Pegasus) and a prince, Stephan, to marry at the end (not nearly as cool and adventurous as blacksmith Aiden in Pegasus, who is so totally awesome that even The Captain will watch that movie, and pretend to be Aiden afterwards, although he will CUT YOU if you mention this to his buddies at school).

One odd thing is that Stephan never does do the climbing-of-hair thing. Instead, Barbie As Rapunzel is free to come and go from her tower as much as she likes via the power of a magic paintbrush. I just run with it. Although I know that will totally shock Sir Monkeypants, who took me to see The Little Mermaid in the theatre during its original release and had to listen to me go on and on and on for DAYS afterwards about how she was SUPPOSED TO DIE at the end, like, WTF Disney? WHERE WAS MY DEATH SCENE?

And again, I digress.

My real point here is that Barbie As Rapunzel is supposedly 16 in this movie, and over the course of the film, Prince Stephan has his 18th birthday. And although there isn’t an actual wedding scene at the end, it’s strongly implied that they will heal the division between their feuding kingdoms (RUN WITH IT) by getting married. And they are teenagers! Babies!

Even in the Barbie masterpiece, Pegasus, Barbie is only just turned 16. Sixteen! And she’s out fighting evil and going to balls ALONE and getting married!

As if.

Gal Smiley’s piano teacher is 16, she’s just finishing up Grade 10. I really can’t imagine her healing a kingdom via marriage to a dreamy prince. Is that what she thinks about in her spare time? No wonder Prince William was so popular when I was in high school.

Is it too much to ask that Barbie at least be at the age of majority in these films? Would a twenty year old Rapunzel really be that horrifying? I mean, we already have Bristol Palin to look up to. I think that’s all the teenage bride role models we need around here.

So all this is to say, my enjoyment of Barbie As Rapunzel and possibly even (GASP) Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus has really been impacted by my inability to see past the inappropriateness of teenage marriage.

Which is clearly the reaction of an old fuddy duddy who has NEVER been in LOVE and just doesn’t UNDERSTAND and is RUINING YOUR LIFE.

(Door slam.)

You’ll understand someday, Barbie As Rapunzel, you’ll understand someday.