I’m so sick of being sick. I’m on day six of this thing and STILL I feel like crap.

Although they’re no longer testing for the swine flu, there’s no doubt that we have it. First of all, no other strains of flu are prominent in Canada right now, so everyone is being told that if they have the flu, it’s swine flu. And flu we do have — we’re a match for every single symptom.

First, there’s the sudden onset. One minute, you’re laughing in the face of germs; next, you’re feeling that burning sensation behind your eyelids when you blink, indicating that your temperature is zooming up.

Second, there’s the fever. Everyone in our family had a fever over 39 degrees Celcius (102 Farenheit) when measured by ear, a fever that was somewhat abated but not fully controlled with medicine. And trust me, you knew the MOMENT that medicine started to wear off; chills, shakes, huddling under sixteen blankets on the couch, unable to move, begging for meds. MEDS! NOW! It was a scene, let me tell you. Couch space was at a real premium.

Along with your five days of feverish viewings of Toopy and Binoo, you’ll get a cough — a nice, deep chesty cough that involves spitting up green gook. If you have the energy to keep coughing, that is. You’ll feel like you’ve been hit by a truck the entire time.

Eventually the cough and the fever leads to a sore throat and major sinus plugage, along with continued joint pain (nodding is SO HARD) and nausea. The Captain also had (bonus!) vomiting, and Little Miss Sunshine also had (double bonus!) diarrhea. Good times, good times.

I’m so thankful that Sir Monkeypants was sick too. At least he was able to be here all this past week. Between the two of us we figure we added up to about half a parent and that was at least good enough to dose the kids with ibuprofen every four hours and change the DVD on occasion.

The kids are on day seven of the flu and their fevers are finally gone (occasionally spiking in the evening when they get tired) and they’ve started showing interest in toast and the odd bowl of cereal, so that’s good. They’re all still coughing but at least they have the energy to punch each other over Legos again. Sir Monkeypants says he’s all healed (due to his IRON CONSTITUTION) so that just leaves me as a hanger-on. A few more days and I hope to be able to sleep without three pillows and six blankets again.

The one good thing about having the flu run through the house is that we don’t need to make the vaccine decision. I don’t see the point in waiting in line for hours to get a shot when we should have natural immunity now.

In fact, I feel kind of all-powerful. When I’m finally able to get off of the couch, I picture myself wandering through crowds at the grocery store or the mall, fearless, mocking those in face masks. Go ahead, cough on me! Hand me change that came from the same pocket as someone’s hankerchief! Don’t even bother to put out Purell!

I’m a survivor. I’m INVINCIBLE.