First let me assure you all that FameThrowa is NOT pregnant. It’s my youngest sister, LittleSis, who is expecting next month. I’m the second oldest of four girls, so I have two younger sisters.
And now, let us address the issue of the turkey. First of all, it wasn’t an actual turkey, but rather, a turkey roll, which is a weird processed food-like item where they take raw turkey meat, white and dark, and debone it and form it into a football-shaped object encased in skin and strings that hold it all together.
Then, you’re supposed to put it in the oven for a much smaller amount of time, cooking from frozen, and slice it like a meatloaf for serving. Easy breezy!
So my older sister, SocialButterfly, says that the problem was that I had two of them, and I put them both in the same giant pan, instead of cooking them in their own smaller pans. I followed the directions on the package (for one) but at the assigned end time — when all my other side dishes were nicely finishing, as I had timed everything perfectly — the turkey was still raw in the middle.
So we wound up cutting it up anyway, and then putting the slices in the microwave to finish cooking, which I’m sure you can imagine was SUPER yummy. Actually, it was still fairly edible after the nuking, it was just hard to enjoy with the lingering thoughts of SALMONELLA in everyone’s mind.
Also, while dealing with the uncooked turkey I said, “FUCK!” in front of my mother, which may actually make her forget about that time she popped over for a surprise visit only to find us all out and our front door ajar. Now we can replace that story with the time Lynn messed up Thanksgiving dinner and said the F-word!
Really, though, I am focusing on the positives. Really!
TurtleHead 
eeek! raw turkey nuked is a tough one for me lynn….it is! i’m sure your side dishes were LOVELY and would have been more than satisfying! bert would have eaten the turkey and not complained one bit! thanks for sharing, cute story. what about the one where your mother arrives to your empty house and the door was ajar???
LOL…isn’t it funny to be grown-ups with kids of our own, and yet still be aghast if we swear in front of our parents? I’m the same. About 10 years ago my parents were helping me move into my condo in Toronto when I accidently stabbed my thumb with a nail that was poking out of a box. I yelled, “FUCK!” and then realized with horror that my Dad, who abhors swearing, was standing right beside me. I scurried up to my apartment to get a band-aid, and said to my mom, “Ohmygosh, I said the F word in front of dad!” She rolled her eyes and said, “Oh for heavens sakes, it’s not like he’s never heard it before!”
Still makes me laugh.
Anyway, glad none of you got SALMONELLA! Focusing on the positives sounds like a good plan. 🙂
thanks for repeating the story – it will be the one thanksgiving everyone remembers (that kind of turkey sounds like food particle board!)
if that’s the worst that happened at your family gathering you can count yourself lucky. If no one ends up with blood on their clothes, no one ends up storming out and not speaking to anyone for the next 10 years, if no one throws up, if no one throws anything dangerous at anyone else, if there aren’t at least 2 people yelling at each other the entire time —- I’d say it was a rather successful family event from my perspective.
LOL!!! thanks for sharing. LOL. this will keep me gong all day. LOL
Man, you make me laugh, Lynn.
Bwahahaha! FameThrowa pregnant? Bwahahaha!
People are funny.