This is the weepy part

I appear to have entered the phase of quarantine where I just weep all the time.

I’m not sure if I am sad, or frustrated, or just tired – probably all three. And we have been watching Grey’s Anatomy here, and we are up to season 5 when some key characters get sick and others die, and it is not helping.

But I’ve definitely been emotional.

The other day I was cleaning and I found some pants that are too small for me now and I was going to give them to my sister next time I saw her, which is usually once a month or so. But of course now they have been sitting in my living room for several weeks instead.

I dropped her an email and asked her if she’d like me to porch-drop them for her the next time I was out taking the Captain for driving practice, and she replied and said sure. Plus she added that I could bring a folding chair, plus one for the Captain, and maybe we could sit outside in her driveway, several feet apart, and chat for a bit.

And I cried and cried. Because the thought of seeing her, but having to keep 10 feet back or whatever, just seemed like TOO MUCH. And the thought of NOT seeing her for many more months was also TOO MUCH. And the thought of actually seeing her in person, even from 10 feet away, was also TOO MUCH.

It’s all a little too much, right now.

The very next day I was on my usual lunchtime walk with Sir Monkeypants and we saw a neighbour of ours, a close friend of mine (HI BRENDA!) who had just got out of her car and was heading into her garage. We were still several houses away so she didn’t notice us, but I booked it down the street anyway because I thought OMG, I COULD SAY HI TO BRENDA and then she went inside without seeing us and I didn’t get to say hi to Brenda and I TEARED UP ABOUT IT. Over a possible split second interaction with someone.

A couple of days after that, we were walking again and saw the mom of a friend of Gal Smiley’s who is seriously SUCH a nice person, walking with her older son. She called hello to us from across the street and asked how we were doing, and we did the usual weird, but fine and then we asked her how SHE was, and she was remarkably cheerful when she told us that her younger son (Gal Smiley’s friend) and her husband were in Hungary, because they had gone to visit family in early March and then become stuck there, and now may be stuck there for several months. She pointed out they were with family and had everything they needed and her son was even able to do his schoolwork because it was all online, and everything was fine, but I still cried about it, because now is not the time you want your husband and your kid to be halfway around the world for who knows how long.

I could go on and on like this – everything is upsetting and moving and terrible and sad right now. I am hoping this is a phase. I want to say, I’m sure this will pass but the truth is, we have never been here before, we don’t know what will and won’t “pass,” we don’t know what is and isn’t normal.

All we can do is ride the wave, and deal with one thing at a time, and try to have tissues within arm’s reach at all times.

If you’re in the weepy phase too – I’m here for ya, lovelies.

9 thoughts on “This is the weepy part

  1. Ah, Lynn… I think you are tapping into a new phase of feeling for people. Or at least people are admitting it’s happening, admitting what they’re feeling. My sister (normally a positive, strong, stoic person, a career NURSE who has seen more than I want to know about) had a complete meltdown three days ago. Triggered by the Governor of Texas, where she lives, as you know, announcing the cancellation of the school year there. She has no kids or grandkids for whom this is a graduation year – but she lost it over this. It was the last straw. TOO MUCH, as you say.
    Sending hugs and thanks for being open.

  2. I’m totally adding “porch-drop” to my dictionary.

    Yeah, it’s been a tough week for us as well. I cried for sad reasons (not saying your weeping isn’t a valid one!) and I often feel kind of… down. Not short tempered, not angry, just down. I don’t like it.

    I feel the one-month mark was felt by everyone here. I’ve been seeing a lot more people outside or visiting friends/family–don’t call the police, they were all doing their best, i.e. staying in the car or standing far apart.

    I need directions. I need a bit of hope. I need something. It’s just too much right now. The thought of being stuck here (sorry, Canada, but half of my heart and all my relatives are still in Europe!) and the “it’s gonna be like that for months” approach makes me want to cry.

  3. Helen Johnstone

    I know exactly what you mean. I have days that like. I find it strange when queuing for the supermarket or passing people on my daily walk that they don’t talk to you, why is that? Occasionally someone is chatty but queuing for 30 mins in silence is just strange and upsetting. I take my book now as I can’t bear it

  4. KristaR

    Oh gosh Lynn, I can totally relate. I have been feeling rather untethered lately as well. For me, it’s the state of the world combined with a raging hormonal imbalance. Most days I am easily able to find moments of joy and happiness and other times I struggle and the littlest things reduce me to tears. Yesterday a video of some ducklings trying to climb up some stairs did me in…and it was cute. And hopeful. Then I watched the movie, You’ve Got Mail and when Meg Ryan’s character is forced to close her adorable little bookshop and locks up for the last time, taking the bell above the door with her, I was inconsolable. And I’ve seen it before..and this time it was just TOO MUCH. But, today is a new day, the sun is shining and I am starting fresh. 🙂

  5. Shan

    Total weepy phase, but honestly it is an easy phase for me to be in on a regular. Definitely just riding the wave and taking things as they come. Both girls have had their graduations cancelled. I have friends who work in health care. I still physically go to work every day, but with a great crew who are definitely making it more than manageable. It’s a lot to process and take care of every day.

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