The Etcetera

Yesterday I had to go out of the house and come back home again eight times. I counted.

And since it is negative a million outside, with a windchill of negative a billion, that means eight times putting on The Suit.

Eight times on with the snow pants, the Frankenboots (TM), the giant puffy full-length coat that feels like you are walking around in a sleeping bag. The hat, the scarf, the mittens made for people scaling Mount Everest, now used by suburbanites walking their kids to school.

And then, eight times off with the snow pants, the Frankentboots, etcetera. OH MY GOD, THE ETCETERA.

This weather, needless to say, is not exactly improving my grumpy mood.

Did you know that when you have to get dressed up like an astronaut just to run down to the corner store for whipping cream, it takes a lot longer to get out of the house? And every kid that you add to that exit strategy – another whole set of snow pants, coats, ETCETERA – more than doubles your prep time?

I was telling my friends last night that what I really need for Christmas is a t-shirt emblazoned with “SORRY I’M LATE.” It’ll just save me having to repeat myself.

All that in-and-out yesterday meant I did not have time to clean up the kitchen last night. So now I must go and sweep the floor, and wipe the counters, and wash bowls, and spoons, and measuring cups, and frying pans, etcetera. OH MY GOD, THE ETCETERA.

7 thoughts on “The Etcetera

  1. Ugh. Or you do what I do and just don’t dress appropriately, then you have alligator hands by the end of the day, and your Mom yells at you when you drop off your sick kid so you can go get stuff to remove his beyond gross mother-honker of a wart. Either way, good times.

  2. I figure that if it is colder than -40 (C or F), I probably shouldn’t be out in the weather. Since it was -1,000,000 with a -1,000,000,000 windchill, I might suggest you stay in next time.

    Either that, or make sure that your scarf is up to par. Scarves work wonders to keep me warm, even if my toes and fingers start to stiffen from having the blood freeze inside of them in the weather.

    Another dead ringer to me to let me know it is too cold is when my nose hairs start to freeze inside my head.

  3. Sorry to hear you aren’t in the best mood…but boy your writing is FUNNY! Thank you for making me smile and chuckle today, I really needed it. (too much etcetera in my life too)

  4. nadinethornhill

    And don’t forget the part where wrestling your charges into their snow clothes is such a workout, by the time you’re done you’re sweating rivers under your parka.

    I dislike winter for so many reasons.

  5. The etcetera sucks. When it’s time to walk the dogs, one of them needs 4 stupid booties (just humble ones, not silly rubber-soled things), and a coat. They need their collars since we take them off when they’re in the house. And then the boy needs his etcetera if he’s coming with. And then I need my etcetera.

    It’s kinda maddening!

    I’m actually looking forward to proper parka weather, because mine’s so warm I don’t need a toque or extra layers. Makes getting ready easier by a good minute!

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