There’s a municipal election coming up soon in Ottawa. I always vote, because I think it’s really important, and I always try to do as much reading as possible of the candidate’s websites so I can make an informed decision.
Although, it’s becoming less and less necessary now that the Captain is seven and totally politically active. He is extremely bitter that he won’t be allowed to vote until he is 18. Just one other thing he is being denied, like Coke and riding in the front seat and the ability to legally say no to cigarettes. Maybe he’ll be Prime Minister someday (rock on, French Immersion!), and then he can work on lowering the voting age to seven. It’ll totally happen.
Anyway, whenever there is an election he gets very interested and likes to know about everyone who is running. Then he picks out a favourite based 100% on what their signs look like around the neighbourhood. This year he is supporting Jim Watson for mayor, although in fairness, Jim is the only candidate to have any signs at all around here. How the other people think they even stand a chance of winning when they are not actively campaigning for the support of seven-year-olds in Kanata, I’m sure I don’t know.
(Funny side story: Jim is also the only candidate who has been to our door. He came by a couple of weeks ago and knocked. Gal Smiley runs to the door while I am packing up the Captain’s stuff for soccer and she’s screaming, “MOM! THE PHONE GUY IS AT THE DOOR!” while I’m screaming, “CAPTAIN! WHERE ARE YOUR SOCCER SOCKS! I ONLY HAVE ONE SOCK HERE! WHERE IS THE OTHER ONE!” and then Gal Smiley with the “MOM! THE PHONE GUY!” And so eventually I make it to the door after a million hours, and lo, there is Jim Watson, and I was so embarrassed. He graciously says, “I can see you are very busy, so I’ll just say hello and leave you my information.” I didn’t even get a chance to tell him that the Captain is totally voting for him, in about 11 years. Also, the other soccer sock turned out to be ATTACHED to the first soccer sock and I just didn’t realize it was two instead of one. I AM AN IDIOT.)
There is a big race for councilor in our ward because our councilor is retiring, meaning it is wide open. Six men are running and I haven’t had time yet to read about all of them, but of course, the Captain has strong opinions. He’s picked someone he wants me to vote for (and the pressure is ON, let me tell you), but mostly, he is horrified, horrified, at the idea that Aaron Helleman will win.
This is why:
The Captain hates his signs. He hates the photo. I would have thought that his seven-year-old brain would be easily swayed by large, flashy, expensive signs featuring multiple colours AND a picture, but no, Aaron is DEAD TO HIM. Every time we pass one of his signs, the Captain calls for a car-wide boycott — children must close their eyes and groan, parents must attempt to spit. And there are a LOT of his signs around. I’m spitting cotton.
At first I found this kind of amusing and thought it was immaterial to my own vote. But the more it happens, the more I find that I, too, am starting to find Aaron’s smirk just a little too obnoxious. Just a little too smug. Is it because I’ve read his website and don’t like his platform? Or is it because the constant barrage of anti-Aaron negativity from the backseat is swaying my judgment?
All I know is, I’m spitting with a little more enthusiasm these days.
Man, maybe the Captain really WILL be Prime Minister someday. Either that, or Canada’s answer to Jon Stewart. I can definitely recommend that future candidates in our area run their signs by him before going ahead. He’s tuned in to the youth of Ottawa, dudes!
Sadly, our outgoing councilor has thrown her support behind Aaron (her old campaign signs ALSO featured her photo, HARDLY A COINCIDENCE), so he’ll probably win. Since I don’t like Aaron’s closest competitor, I’ll probably be throwing away my vote on a smaller candidate.
With really pretty light blue signs, of course. Endorsed by my very own seven-year-old Political Pundit.
[I feel really badly about mentioning Aaron a million times in this post when I probably won’t even vote for him. So to even things up, here are the other five candidates for my ward: Allan Hubley; Marc Favreau; Rodney Tellez; Michel Tardif; and Perry Simpson, who is actively opposed to lawn signs and thus is NEVER going to get any support from the seven-year-olds in his ward.]