Captain Jelly Belly’s birthday party is on Saturday, and one of the features of the party is to watch a movie, wearing jammies, eating popcorn.
We struggled for a long time, trying to pick a movie for the party. There were about a thousand criteria.
It had to be (obviously) suitable for a 6 and 7-year-old boy audience.
It had to be something the Captain had not seen before (his request).
It had to be around 1.5 hours long — anything nearing the 2-hour-plus mark was too long.
We wanted it to be something a little off the mainstream, in the hopes that the other boys would also have not seen it before, in the hopes that they would stay in their seats during the viewing and not wander off and destroy our house.
So I made a list of about 30 different movie ideas, and one by one we eliminated them. Some were too long; some were rated AA and we thought they’d be inappropriate. Some were too corny, some were too boring, some were too old and Sir Monkeypants felt that the kids of today would be too jaded for them (so long, my beloved Cloak and Dagger and The Dark Crystal!).
In the end we settled on Spy Kids. It looked kind of fun, was the right length, and was old enough that most of the boys probably hadn’t seen it. So we ordered the DVD and last night we watched it, to make sure it was an appropriate choice.
And HOO BOY, is that a bad movie. STINKY!
There’s nothing objectionable in it, it’s just so, so terrible that we feel we cannot subject our son to it, let alone all his buddies. The action is few and somewhat lame, the parents’ storyline contains too many adult-focused jokes, the bad guys are truly bizarre and not in a good way, the script is JUST AWFUL, the acting isn’t much better… SO! BAD!
And now we find ourselves, three days before the party, looking for a replacement. GACK.
At Gal Smiley’s party in September, we watched Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus. I’ve often said before that it’s the ideal 5-year-old girl movie, seeing as how it contains:
- a smart, spunky heroine
- who is a princess
- who is pretty, and changes her hairstyle often
- and gets to wear many beautiful gowns and other coordinating outfits
- and is a champion ice skater
- who has a pink pegasus to ride around on
- and a little baby polar bear as a sidekick
- who meets a cool dude who is smart and who helps her kick ass
- on an exciting and fun adventure.
So I was thinking, what would the boy-equivalent movie be? What would you put in a movie if you were making it for a turning-7 birthday party? I think you’d need:
- a smart, spunky hero
- who has many cool weapons, a sword/light saber being top of the heap
- who likes to make wisecracks
- perferrably about poop
- and has several buddies and sidekicks, all of whom have a unique skill or weapon
- (but no girls in the posse, unless it’s just one, and she is also sassy and bad ass)
- who drives a really awesome car (airplane and/or submarine also acceptable)
- that can transform into other cool shapes and has lots of weapons
- and there’s lots of running and climbing and jumping and narrow escapes from explosions
- ending with a big fight with the bad guy.
Hm. Seems I have just described every big action movie ever, no? Now why hasn’t anyone made that in a 7-year-old safe package?
I personally would choose The Princess Bride, but the Captain has seen it once already and so has nixed it. And yet, he is kind of interested in a party viewing of The Lion King, which we have watched no less than 25 times since returning from Disney and can now quote by heart.
Boys are so mysterious!
Anyway, suggestions are welcome.