I’ve been blogging for quite a long time, as far as blogs go. I started my blog in spring 2004, more than five years ago. And before that, I had my own website where I wrote entertainment commentary and chatted about actors and reviewed movies, and I started that site in November of 1998.
So this month, it’s been eleven years that I’ve had some sort of online presence. Eleven years of self-publishing.
You’d think after all this time I’d have done something with it, no?
I still struggle with my goals here. I know feel compelled to write — I often have a running blog post going in my head while I’m actually supposed to be living life — so I really need a place to vomit it all out.
And I like having a record of the past — sometimes when I am looking for an old blog post, I get reading my own blog and I just can’t stop. Every post is a little memory, and it makes me smile. I love that I have so much text that documents my kids’ early years, and my own self at this time.
And I’ve really come to value being part of an online community. I’ve built real friendships with other bloggers and I feel like I’m a member of a community, that I have ladies and gentlemen who reflect back at me my own life, my own experiences, through a lens that helps me understand myself and have a good laugh at it all.
And that’s all good. Most of the time, I’m happy with my little corner of the internet.
But sometimes I get a little nagging voice in the back of my head that says I should do more with my writing. A voice that says I should be more by now — more famous, more rich, more accomplished. I should get out there and market my pieces, I should turn them into a book, I should find ways to grow my audience.
Then a little voice on the other shoulder reminds me that there are a million blogs, literally, in North America alone. And it brings up all the amazing books I’ve read this past year and all the incredible screenplays I’ve seen produced and all the awesome blog posts that were read out loud at BlogHer and I think, who’d want to listen to what I have to say? Who cares about one more voice in the cacophony?
And then, one of my blog posts gets featured on Five Star Friday, and I squeal inside.
And the dream of being something more flickers, alive again in the very back recesses of my brain.
Maybe someday…, it says.