Once I was watching some sort of entertainment “news” show, and Winona Ryder was on doing an interview about Alien: Resurrection. During the interview, she said that she really enjoyed working with all the other characters, “especially the baby.”
Now, the “baby” in question is (spoiler alert!) a human-alien hybrid child that is supposedly the ultimate in horror — all the superpowers of the aliens combined with the superior intelligence of humans.
Unfortunately, the “baby” turned out to be laughably bad. Hilariously bad. And not in a good way.
And thus, I realized that stars actually dare to lie in their press interviews. My innocence has never recovered. Stephen King is writing a novella about it, in fact.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the Alien Baby these days because I think I’ve figured out why the makers of the movie thought it would be so scary, when in actuality, it was just silly.
They were obviously men, and the scariest thing they could think of was the body of a 40-year-old woman who has had three children:
See it? The droopy breasts? The rounded pot belly with leftover stretch marks? The pasty complexion? The hunched back from babywearing?
Trust me, I see it — every morning in the bathroom mirror. Scaaaaaary!
TurtleHead 
Oh Lynn – cheap laugh at your own expense! Come on, girl. You are a vibrant, engaged gorgeous woman. (I’ve met you in person, remember?) And those stretch marks? Badges of honour! As for the droopy breasts, just live in denial like I do and wear a bra ALL THE TIME.
The link’s not working now, Lynn. Or is that the joke?? I don’t get it.
I fixed it…now you can see the alien/aging lady in all her glory :).
LOL!!!!!!!! Too funny!
I am doing NaPlo…doh! but unofficially. I suck at sticking with things so who knows if I can swing it. I just want to get back into regularly posting…the winters are long here in good old Canada!
Hope you are feeling better in your house.
Ugh. I wish you hadn’t! Too funny.
(and a little sad)
Off to cry in a corner..
Shouldn’t you have to ask me before posting my picture on your blog?
WAH.
That is priceless, I literally laughed out loud. Although I have a feeling that if I was still in college, this blog post be up for some serious discussion in my women’s studies courses. Brava!
I just laughed hard enough to make the cat spring off my lap, no doubt leaving some claw marks in the thighs. This is priceless.
OMG!! that is the funniest thing ever. oh, now to go sob in the corner knowing that i am the scariest thing men could think of. *sigh*