I’m afraid I must apologize to Sir Monkeypants. It seems I have accidentally converted our older two children to Christianity.
I blame Coldplay.
Here’s our conversation from the car, as we listened to (of course) Viva La Vida:
Captain: What does “ruled” mean?
Me: When you’re a king, you get to make all the decisions and everyone does what you say, so that means you “rule.”
Captain: Does the king get to be boss of the princes and princesses, too?
Captain: I would like to be king. But why does this man say he doesn’t want to be king?
Me: Well…this song is about a specific man named Jesus. Remember we talked about him at Christmastime?
Gal: Yes! He was a cute baby.
Me: Yes. Well, when he grew up he was kind of like a king.
Gal: Is he still alive? Can we go to his house?
Me: No, he lived a long time ago. He was born 2009 years ago, in fact.
Captain: I guess his parents are dead, then.
Me: I guess so.
Captain: I bet he was sad that his parents died.
Captain: Why didn’t he like being king?
Me: Well…he wanted people to be good and nice to each other, and to change the way they did things so it would be more fair for everyone. But not everybody liked that idea, and the people who didn’t want to change and be nice were mean to him.
Captain: Why were the walls closing on him? Does that mean they killed him?
Me: They tried to, but it didn’t work, and he didn’t die.
Captain: OH! Did his body just disappear like Obiwan Kenobi in Number Four Star Wars Movie?
Me: Yeah, kind of like that.
Captain: What did they do with his clothes? Did they bury them?
Me: Um, I guess so?
Gal: So is he still alive now?
Captain: He is everywhere, around the whole world, with God.
Me: Yes, that’s right. And now when we have Easter, we remember when he went to be with God.
Captain: Are all the holidays about Jesus? Even Valentine’s Day?
Me: No, only Christmas and Easter.
Captain: I think they should all be about Jesus. He would like Valentine’s Day.
Gal: I am going to ask him to come over and live with us in our family! And he will be my best friend and stay with us forever!
Captain: He can sleep in my room. Do you think Jesus will like to play Lego?
Gal: I love Jesus!
Me: Let’s listen to something else now.
After the Viva La Vida incident, I flipped it over to The Beatles One, and for the rest of the drive home, I fielded the following questions:
Why is the boy sad? Why did the girl go away? Will she be coming back? Where is her ticket to ride to? Does the boy still have a home to live in? What does ‘lonely’ mean? Why doesn’t his wife understand? Why is he disappointed in his son? Why do they say ‘All You Need Is Love’ when you really need food and water, or else you’ll die? Why doesn’t the girl love the boy anymore? How do they get food if they live in a submarine?
You know those people who say that they never let their kids listen to crap like The Wiggles, and instead their kids will just listen to their own music? I think I am going to be putting The Wiggles on permanent repeat.