The Seinfeld Bra

I had a pretty small chest before I had kids, but now that my breasts have finished their work of nursing three children, they’ve decided to retire to Boca Vista and leave behind a mere shadow of their former selves to check the mail and feed the fish.

As a result, bra shopping is a bit of a challenge. The only store at the mall that stocks my size is La Senza Girl, and although I have been known to shop there in the past, I’m getting kind of embarassed at wearing bras that have Bratz on them.

The only adult brand name I’ve found that fits small enough to flatter my figure is Calvin Klein, and of course, that’s one of the most expensive brands on the market. So I’ve been making do with cheaper bras for a while now, and waiting for a CK sale at The Bay.

This week was that sale, so I forced myself to go (bra shopping is even worse than swimsuit shopping in my book) and I found a bra I just love love love. It was $50, though. FIFTY DOLLARS. I am not in the habit of spending fifty dollars on ANYTHING for myself, let alone something that almost no one is going to see. My winter coat cost less than $50, for heaven’s sake. So did my watch, at least half of my shoes, and every piece of jewelry I own other than my wedding rings.

So it was kind of a big deal, but due to the sale I forced myself to get it.

And it is SO GORGEOUS. It does things to my figure that I do not understand. And so comfy! There isn’t even any underwire!

This morning I was standing in the bathroom in my new bra and jeans, wondering if I could get away with just that as an outfit, since it seemed like such a shame to cover up such a thing of beauty. Sir Monkeypants was VERY supportive of this plan — we joked I’d be just like Sue Ellen Mischke on Seinfeld.

Saner thoughts prevailed, though, and I did pull on a t-shirt to take the kids to gymnastics. Even the t-shirt, by the way, could not fully conceal the fabulousness of the bra. I have to be careful now, because I’m all perky and round again and I keep spilling stuff on the poor girls.

Later I was checking online to see if I could order more of the same style (they only had one in my size at the store), and guess what? My new bra is apparently the exact same model that Sue Ellen walked around in on Seinfeld! I KNEW it could stop traffic.

The bad news, though, is that it has been discontinued, OF COURSE. Once one woman finds a bra that fits, they have to block that from happening again immediately.

Would it be inappropriate to spend this week touring the Bays of Ontario to see if I can find another one? I’m sure the kids are up for a good car trip!

8 thoughts on “The Seinfeld Bra

  1. See that’s exactly what I was saying. (CK makes great bras… the one I bought last week was a CK.)

    It’s a toss up. I think I just accept that I look like ass in a swimsuit. Still it’s a shock. The whole fit thing with bras is a bigger issue — 36 is supposed to refer to inches… you know? So why is it i go from a 32 to a 38… gah.

  2. I noticed you got a CK bra, too. They just fit me so nicely. It’s very strange how a “34A” in one brand can be so different than a “34A” in another brand…if only my boobs would accept the cheap brands, I’d be a happy lady :).

  3. KristaR

    How Timely – I just “tried” to go bra shopping. I gave up after trying on 5. I can’t quite figure out my size and don’t know where to start. I think I’m a 36A…sometimes B and all brands seem to fit differently. Yikes. I am heading to the mall again tomorrow morning to try again. I’ll likely have nightmares about it tonight.

  4. I love that opening paragraph… and if you’ve found the bra of your dreams, you scour the earth and round up every last one of those puppies you can get your hands on. You don’t have to drive, just call them up and have them ship them to the Bay nearest you or get the Bay to round them up for you. Tell them you want half a dozen or whatever. And if they won’t do it for you go to the CK website and order direct. Or check e-Bay – savvy e-bayers stock up on stuff that’s about to be discontinued and sell it online. If you don’t do this now, you WILL regret it. Believe me. I once had a bra like that and let it slip through my fingers. There’s never been another like it and I will forever regret not getting a bunch of them when I had the chance.

  5. fame_throwa

    Hey, at least call The Bay downtown and see if they have one. I’m there quite a bit, and I’d be more than happy to pick it up for you, although I’m pretty sure The Bay can have stuff brought from other stores to your store.

    Lemme know….

  6. You find a bra you like, you get as many as you can. Put a few aside and keep them for when the ones you are wearing get old :). Especially if they are on sale! Hello!

  7. I have the exact same problem, but on the other end of the spectrum. After pregnancy I was unfortunately left with giant boobs, even after I lost all of my pregnancy weight. Ugh. I went to a bra fitting thing at Sears a couple of weeks ago and the only bra that fit me was a CK one. But I just couldn’t dish out the 50 bucks. It’s crazy. And swim suits? Don’t get me started!! I agree with your sister, call of the Bays in town and see what they have. Try Kingston too, It’s only an hour and a half!

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