It’s such a schmozzel in here!

My mother turns 65 years old next month, so my sister FameThrowa thought that we should do something to celebrate.

It seems so reasonable, doesn’t it? But my mother…well. She is not the kind of person who likes to be the centre of attention, no how, no way. She is not the type of person who likes having a fuss made over her.

When she turned 60 a few years ago, we set up a nice lunch at a country club of her choosing, with all her daughters and their families, as well as a couple of her cousins that she is very close to. It was classy with good food and I announced I was pregnant with Gal Smiley and everyone was all happy and close and celebratory.

She still refers to that event as that time we “played a trick on her” and “made fun of her on her birthday.”

So you see, it’s kind of a sensitive area.

FameThrowa has been working on an idea for a while, though, for our mother’s 65th…and it’s just way too good to pass up. She’s assembled a set of my mom’s most famous catchphrases, and we’re having them immortalized on a mug. Just a small printing — one mug for her and one for each of her four daughters.

I must say, the list of catchphrases is SO HILARIOUS, I can’t even look at the mug mock-up without literally falling over on the floor laughing.

When someone is really excited, they’re “goin’ to beat blazes” or maybe they’ve “got their teeth together.”

When we were all in the living room watching TV, while my mom was working in the kitchen, she’d come in and holler, “What is this, the local flophouse?”

If we were cranky, we’d be aiming to get a “swift kick in the rear,” or maybe we’d be sent off to bed with a “Goodnight, Irene!”

Something that is broken has “had the biscuit,” and when we wanted a ride somewhere, but weren’t exactly sure how to get there, then she’d say, “I’m not driving all over hell’s creation!”

Excuse me while I laugh a kidney out my eyeball.

We fully expect our mother to be NOT AMUSED at this gift. But seriously, it is too wonderful, too classic, too gosh darn funny to give up. As God as my witness, I will have my mug!

The making of this mug has made me really think about my own catchphrases, especially the less-than-flattering ones that come out when I’m mad. I’d list them here but hell, I don’t want to give my kids a hand at making their own mugs when I turn 65.

Actually I have to say, I would not be aware of most of my own verbal tics were it not for Gal Smiley. When she is playing dolls (or even when she is futilely trying to boss around her big brother) she will use a lot of the sayings that I do. Apparently I say, “Shush up!” a lot when people are getting repetitive. Also I seem to say “Jesus!” a fair bit and “Don’t even think about it!” more often than not. And when something gets spilled, apparently I bust out, “Oh, GREAT.”

And I said I wasn’t going to help them. Jesus!

8 thoughts on “It’s such a schmozzel in here!

  1. My own personal favourites to my daughter when she’s going off with a group of friends are:

    “Stay with the group”


    “Be home before the shooting starts” (i.e.: before dark)

  2. Very cool. I don’t have any catch phrases. Honest. Okay, I do say, ‘If that’s the worst thing that happens to you today than you’re having a pretty good day.’ A lot. And my kids even finish it for me. A lot. And they roll their eyes. Hmmm. I don’t need a mug though…at least not for another twenty five years… 🙂

  3. When some one is in a rush or impatient “Ek minute la” (from my time living in India)

    When something is funny “That’s so funny/” (very Seinfield)

    “Close/Open the lights” (from having Eng/Fren parents and getting my translations all wrong for so may years)

    I’ll have to wait until the Snow Birds come back north and listed to my mom to see what hers are. Nothing comes to mind at the moment.

  4. Oh man. I can’t begin to count the number of silly/stupid things I say to my kids. I like to mess around with words in a silly way. i.e. shouting “I’m going to give you a smackeral on the backeral” while chasing them up the stairs into the bathtub. WHO KNOWS WHERE THAT ONE CAME FROM.

    I also say “Jesus” in place of swearing. I caught Emma in a frustrating situation saying the same once, ‘cept she was saying “CHEEZUS.” Just thinking about that cracks me up.

  5. What a great idea!! i don’t think I have any catch phrases, but I likely have a bunch. Oh I do say easy peasey lemon squeezie and recently noticed my oldest saying it as well.

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