Well.

In my last post, I talked about how I only wanted to blog about positive, cheerful things. And that is coming, I can tell – there are some good things on the horizon.

But we’re not quite there yet.

My mother passed away in early March, four days shy of her 80th birthday. We found out she had cancer just after Christmas. So it was a bit of a shock. I was there, with my three sisters, who I am so grateful for. It is such a miracle that we have each other, at least.

I write to process. I wrote a long essay about what it was like being her daughter. She was a difficult woman and I made it a policy to never write about her much while she was still alive because I was worried I’d be too honest. This essay I’ve written after her death is everything I always wanted to write but held back.

But as expected, it’s a little too raw, too honest, and what is the point of that now? I need to sit on it a while. Maybe share it with my therapist, and rethink the whole thing.

So for now, I’ll just share the small speech I gave at her memorial service, which was earlier this week. I am not an emotional woman, but it’s been a sad week full of weird, random bursts of feeling. 2024 can bugger right off now, thank you.

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My mother was a woman of strong beliefs and a strong spirit. She raised four daughters with an iron fist and she was not a woman who liked to be disagreed with. 

But there was no one else you wanted in your corner in hard times. I remember her marching into the school to ensure I got fair treatment from teachers, showing up to every single dance show and school performance, crying when I told her bad news, and talking tough about those who did me wrong. She was a true Mama Bear.

I see her in my own life in my need to be busy at all times, how much I enjoy making things – especially for other people, my fierce independence, and my stubbornness. I look more like her every day and I know a piece of her will always live inside me.

Her favourite song was Theme from a Summer Place, which most people know as an instrumental. But there are actually lyrics, and I find them to be a comfort at this time.

Here they are:

There's a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
Yet I'm safe and warm

For within that summer place
Your arms reach out to me
And my heart is free from all care

For it knows
There are no gloomy skies
When seen through the eyes
Of those who are blessed with love

And the sweet secret of
A summer place
Is that it's anywhere
When two people share

All their hopes
All their dreams
All their love

There's a summer place
Where it may rain or storm
Yet I'm safe and warm
In your arms, in your arms