My mother used to say this thing, from time to time as I was growing up, which was so funny. It was this: “I don’t ask for much, but just this once…” And then she’d ask us to do her a favour of some kind.

It was funny because sure, she didn’t ask for much with words. But she asked for things by expressing disappointment when things didn’t go her way, or reacting with stress and distress when everything was just too much. We learned how to read the signs and work around her, how to be quiet and good and just the way she needed us to be for everything to run smoothly.

In short, she didn’t have to ask; we molded ourselves to her needs until it was second nature. She might not have asked, but we were giving her things all the time anyway.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the fact that I don’t ask for much, or perhaps don’t ask for enough. That I have the right to ask for more.

I came across this meme and I thought, yes, this is it, this is me:

But then I got to thinking – if I told my kids that I don’t ask for much, that I only ask for the barest minimum, would they laugh? Is that a funny thing to them, because they’ve learned all my tells, all my little signs that they are asking for too much, that there’s too much weight on my shoulders, and so it’s time for them to be smaller and quieter and the very lowest of low maintenance?

Is “not asking for things” just another form of high maintenance?

It’s confusing.

I can say this: I’m a grown up now, this is my house, and what’s the beauty of being grown if it isn’t to take the space you want, be as badly behaved as you want, and make a few waves? Eat cookies for dinner and laugh very loudly and let everyone else just deal with it for a change?

Well. I can be low, mid, and high maintenance all at once, can’t I? There don’t appear to be any rules anymore.