The Crankies

There is a scene from Seinfeld that sticks out in my mind. Elaine has come over to Jerry’s apartment, and she is in a bad mood. She takes a juice from the fridge and is annoyed by the fact that it says to “shake before drinking” – she swears she won’t shake it because you have to shake everything these days and it is totally unreasonable. Then Jerry slowly shakes her juice while giving her the side eye.

(and, it’s on YouTube, of course – isn’t everything?)

Huh, on rewatching she doesn’t seem quite as infuriated as I recall. But I think of this moment often these days, as I am increasingly enraged by little things that have me envisioning myself on the lawn, shaking my fist at people, in the very near future.

For example, I watch Jeopardy every night – already marking myself as an honourary Senior Citizen, and I have to admit, I am really drawn to the commercials for the Acorn stair lift, which would bring such joy to my life. I have always been mildly annoyed by people who say “please” at the end of each category request. “World Geography for $200, please.” “Rock Bands B for $1000, please.” It slows the game down, and grates in my ear. Tip to all future Jeopardy contestants: Alex HAS to read you the question. It is not an “if you please” situation. Step up and order your category with authority, dammit!

Even more annoying: the way Alex exclaims “Hello!” whenever someone makes a big bet. Alex, you are not a 25-year-old from the year 1998. It’s as jarring as if you did a Z-snap. For the sake of my sanity, do not do this. Please.

(and, of course someone on YouTube has made a supercut of Alex saying “Hello!”, which has made me want to shove a pencil in my ear, and also to die laughing. That’s what the internet was invented for, right?)

And THEN, a couple of weeks ago, my grocery store decided to reorganize and move EVERYTHING around. This has caused no end of grumbling around here and if you are my friend on Facebook, I know you have had to hear about this repeatedly. I’d apologize, but really, it is THE WORST. I used to have a list where everything was laid out perfectly. I could practically shop with my eyes closed, be in and out in 45 minutes, never miss a thing. Now grocery shopping is an unwanted adventure were I wander the aisles aimlessly, searching for items like I’m on safari, throwing random things in the cart as I come across them. I still haven’t been able to find the juice boxes. WHEREFORE THE JUICE BOXES, SUPERSTORE? Sigh.

I actually thought to myself I should keep a list of these little things that annoy me, and then turn them into a blog post, but then I envisioned myself ranting away about The Jeopardy and The Groceries, and young people looking at me like I was an old crone and OMG, they would be right. So I have abandoned my list idea for now, but it’s lurking. You have been warned.

6 thoughts on “The Crankies

  1. I love lists! I wrote a stupid list yesterday about all the things I did instead of writing… 🙂

    They have Seinfeld in syndication late at night on one of the channels, and I often watch an episode. Elaine is so perfect when she’s cranky, isn’t she?


  2. I think we all have a similar sort of list. Mine includes people who are the first to arrive at a four-way stop but then DON’T GO. It’s not polite, it’s annoying! (Can you tell I have to go through two four-way stops on my way to work?) My list also includes people who shout out between first and second serve during important tennis matches. I could go on . . .

    1. Oh, oh, or people who slow down their cars to an agonizing crawl when they see you’re waiting at the side to cross, but *newsflash* that doesn’t get me across the road more quickly! I just have to wait for you. Plus, if there’s someone coming the other way, the synchronization gets all screwed up, and I have to wait for the next time BOTH lanes are clear … just, PLEASE (for you, Lynn) follow the posted speed limit. That’s all I would ever ask for. (See – cranky!)

  3. I would love to see your cranky list!

    I have these moments too when I know, in the grand scheme of things, that I’m getting annoyed for no reason and it’s not worth it yet I can’t help drafting a complaint letter in my head.

    My gripe with Loblaws? Stop selling products waaaay past the expiry date! (Loblaws at Baseline and Merivale is really bad with that). Scotiabank, stop calling me to sell me your credit card. I don’t want it. I would love decent customer service for my checking account and any banking issue I have, though.

  4. bibliomama2

    My Loblaws reorganized because of the beer and wine aisle, and while I guess I should be happy about that I’m not – it means I keep forgetting to buy Angus’s juice because it doesn’t always go on the list because I just always buy it, but now it’s not where it used to be so sometimes I forget. And buying the booze is a blue job in this house anyway, so it doesn’t help me AT ALL.

    (May I suggest a Surly Thursday post? We could link up and everything!)

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