There is a scene from Seinfeld that sticks out in my mind. Elaine has come over to Jerry’s apartment, and she is in a bad mood. She takes a juice from the fridge and is annoyed by the fact that it says to “shake before drinking” – she swears she won’t shake it because you have to shake everything these days and it is totally unreasonable. Then Jerry slowly shakes her juice while giving her the side eye.
(and, it’s on YouTube, of course – isn’t everything?)
Huh, on rewatching she doesn’t seem quite as infuriated as I recall. But I think of this moment often these days, as I am increasingly enraged by little things that have me envisioning myself on the lawn, shaking my fist at people, in the very near future.
For example, I watch Jeopardy every night – already marking myself as an honourary Senior Citizen, and I have to admit, I am really drawn to the commercials for the Acorn stair lift, which would bring such joy to my life. I have always been mildly annoyed by people who say “please” at the end of each category request. “World Geography for $200, please.” “Rock Bands B for $1000, please.” It slows the game down, and grates in my ear. Tip to all future Jeopardy contestants: Alex HAS to read you the question. It is not an “if you please” situation. Step up and order your category with authority, dammit!
Even more annoying: the way Alex exclaims “Hello!” whenever someone makes a big bet. Alex, you are not a 25-year-old from the year 1998. It’s as jarring as if you did a Z-snap. For the sake of my sanity, do not do this. Please.
(and, of course someone on YouTube has made a supercut of Alex saying “Hello!”, which has made me want to shove a pencil in my ear, and also to die laughing. That’s what the internet was invented for, right?)
And THEN, a couple of weeks ago, my grocery store decided to reorganize and move EVERYTHING around. This has caused no end of grumbling around here and if you are my friend on Facebook, I know you have had to hear about this repeatedly. I’d apologize, but really, it is THE WORST. I used to have a list where everything was laid out perfectly. I could practically shop with my eyes closed, be in and out in 45 minutes, never miss a thing. Now grocery shopping is an unwanted adventure were I wander the aisles aimlessly, searching for items like I’m on safari, throwing random things in the cart as I come across them. I still haven’t been able to find the juice boxes. WHEREFORE THE JUICE BOXES, SUPERSTORE? Sigh.
I actually thought to myself I should keep a list of these little things that annoy me, and then turn them into a blog post, but then I envisioned myself ranting away about The Jeopardy and The Groceries, and young people looking at me like I was an old crone and OMG, they would be right. So I have abandoned my list idea for now, but it’s lurking. You have been warned.