I think it is well known to the children that I am the softer parent. The one who is more likely to cave, to let things slide. If they want to play video games, they ask me first. If they want to not bother to clean up their breakfast dishes, they know I’ll sigh and do it for them. If they ask for candy, I’m likely to say sure, and look the other way while they’re helping themselves to triple the allotted amount from the cupboard.
But there is one thing that is guaranteed to infuriate me beyond all reason, and that is the Losing of Stuff. The children know – or should, by now – that if they can’t find something, they better ask their Dad for help, because if said something turns out to be Lost, WATCH OUT.
Conversation with nameless child this morning:
Child: Mom, have you seen my grey hoodie?
Me: No, I haven’t seen it in a while. It wasn’t in your closet when I did the annual clear out a couple of days ago. Have you checked the laundry and the floor of your room?
Child: Yes, it isn’t there.
Me, temperature rising: Well, did you wear it to school and then take it off for gym or during recess and leave it lying around somewhere?
Child: Yes, but I know I picked it up afterwards.
Me, huffing and puffing: I SUGGEST you check the lost and found at school! FIND IT!
Not shown: crying, upset child turning to their father for help, who kindly finds said hoodie for them in the laundry bin, and warns said nameless child to sneak out the door to school while they can still escape my wrath.
Last night, we discovered that a different nameless child had lost their epipen waist belt, which is not cool, not cool at all. Not only does this mean the loss of the belt, and the medicine, both of which are not inexpensive, but it indicates that said child was not wearing their epipen for some unspecified amount of time, without a care in the world. NOT COOL.
I may have told said child to find said epipen at school today or not to bother coming home. Not shown: kind father comforting said child and then fleeing with all the children to the safety of the school yard.
I know I’m over the top with this. But seriously, children, keep track of your stuff. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Trust me.