I have developed a new pet peeve this summer, and it is this: the children never get out of the car.
We’ll be going somewhere, and I’ll pull into a spot and park, and they will just sit there, twiddling their thumbs, waiting for me to get out. But I want them to get out first, so I can hit the “lock” button on my car door when I open it. If I get out first, they will be locked in. And if I get out without locking the door, I can still do it with the keychain fob, but I have to wait for the automatic sliding door to cloooooose soooooo sloooooowly, so we end up gathered around the van like some odd van-worshiping cult while we waaaaaait for the sliding door to close so I can lock the car.
I mean, even if they just opened their doors as soon as we parked it would be enough for me to open MY door and then hit the lock button, but no. Lately whenever we park I have taken to opening my door, then barking at them to GET OUT OF THE CAR, then once they have (finally) opened their doors, hitting lock and getting out. But I swear if I didn’t snap at them every single time, we’d all still be sitting in the lot at some WalMart somewhere trapped in some freakish battle of wills over who is going to get out of the car first.
GET OUT OF THE CAR, children.
In other surly news, I have developed an old lady grumpiness towards kids’ sports teams that try to raise money by packing groceries at the Superstore.
It used to be that the cashiers would pack for you as the groceries fed through, and a few years ago they went away from that and now all your groceries just get scanned then dumped at the end of the belt and you have to pack them yourself. At first I hated that, always feeling so much pressure to PACK FASTER, but now I am used to it and I have actually come to like it. Now I can put everything in bins and bags exactly the way I want – stuff for downstairs, for example, all gets bagged together, while all the fridge stuff goes gently and lovingly in a big bin, fitting in like a jigsaw puzzle because I’ve bought the same stuff so many times I know exactly how to get it all in there perfectly.
So lately there’s been this trend to have hockey or soccer or gymnastic teams hang around at the end of the row to bag your groceries for you, and in return you leave a donation. It’s supposed to be some kind of treat but I get super anxious about the fact that grapes are being squashed by juice boxes and chips are randomly shoved in bags with potatoes and onions and milk gets loaded into a bag with (OMG) boxes of crackers in a puncture-waiting-to-happen situation. So mostly I end up basically begging them to just let me do it myself, or I grit my teeth and suffer through it, but either way I am actually LESS inclined to leave them a tip than I would have been before.
In fact, proposal: just ask me for a donation, and I’ll give you $2 to NOT pack my groceries. Deal?
Oh mylanta, I have become Maxine.