On Halloween, I stayed home to hand out treats while Sir Monkeypants took the kids out for trick-or-treating.
(Aside: Every year Sir Monkeypants tries to convince me that I will have more fun if I just leave a bowl of candy on the front porch and come out for the trick-or-treating with them, but I just CANNOT do it, to the point where I know that if I even tried to do it, I would be so fretty about what was potentially going on at my unmanned house that I would bring down the whole night. Does this make you think I am a) eccentric, b) adorably nutty, or c) batshit insane? Discuss.)
Anyway, I dutifully handed out candy to around 150 kids (nice weather combined with new super-awesome Haunted House down the street at MyFriendJen’s house brought out a much bigger crowd than usual), and here is the kicker – I recognized no one.
The kids who live next door? No idea who they were. Other kids from down the street who have been to my house for multiple playdates? Total blank. Kids from my kids’ classes at school, who called me BY NAME? Absolutely NO CLUE. Kids accompanied by their parents who I am actually friends with? STILL didn’t get it.
Sir Monkeypants got home and he was all, did you see Kid X dressed up as Y? Or Kid A dressed up as B? And I was all, oh, is THAT who that was? I am an idiot.
So overall I feel like I am a) very, very old, and b) very, very stupid. I used to think I remembered faces. I GUESS NOT.
In other news, today I am posting a recipe for the first time in like, ever. I am a crappy cook and that is why I never share my so-called recipes online, because I do not wish to be responsible for mass poisonings that turn kids off of food forever. However, last night I made my first-ever whole roast chicken, and on the side I made these apple oatmeal muffins that were a) delicious, and b) screamed AUTUMN, and c) completely inexplicably, totally hated by my children.
So now I want you all to go out and make these yummy muffins, and then report back. I’m expecting either you will love them, and your kids will love them, thus confirming that my children are Pod People, or you will love them but your children will hate them thus confirming that ALL children are Pod People.
(Aside: The chicken went okay, although it did set off the smoke alarm THREE times, to the point where I finally just said SCREW IT, I don’t care if we all get botulism, I am taking the damn thing out of the oven. Now the oven is covered with grease splatter but the kids actually ate the chicken, especially Gal Smiley who ate like 1/2 pound of it on her own, so now I guess I have to make it again. With the muffins, because I am not a Pod Person.)
Apple Oatmeal Muffins of Pure Deliciousness
1 egg (I use an egg replacer)
3/4 cup milk (or water, for those families with allergies)
1/2 cup canola oil
1/3 cup brown sugar, packed
1 cup flour
1 cup oatmeal
1 tablespoon wheat germ
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 medium apple, peeled and cut into tiny pieces (I like to use Golden Delicious)
1/4 cup chopped nuts (obviously omitted by me, as we are Allergy Central around here)
Preheat oven to 400, and grease a muffin tin.
Beat the egg, then add the milk, oil, and brown sugar. Whisk for a minute or two until sugar and oil are combined.
Add the flour, oatmeal, wheat germ, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon; mix until combined. Add the apple chunks and stir – batter will be very lumpy.
Fill muffin cups 2/3 full and bake for 20 minutes. Let sit for up to five minutes (or as long as you can stand to resist) before removing from pan. Enjoy warm for extra autumnal goodness.