Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill!

So apparently I was not clear in my post of yesterday: we will not be getting a cat, ever ever EVER. My allergies make it an easy decision, but in general Sir Monkeypants and I are not pet people, not interested in animals, not adding one to our household. EVER.

I have exactly one houseplant and it’s always at death’s door because I only remember to water it about once every six months, and in the 13 years I have had this one plant I have given it extra soil once. I think it only clings to life to spite me – or else it is related to the dandelions in our yard that cannot be killed by anything short of the Hand Of God, and God is busy these days with other things.

As for pets, we once had fish for a period of about two years, and they were a HUGE thorn in my side, what with the PAIN and HORROR of having to clean the tank out once every six weeks. Not to mention the incredible HARDSHIP of having to feed them once a day. Way too much dedication for the likes of us, and I did a little jig of joy when the last one finally died and we could put the tank away in the basement.

Also, we may have gone away for a week or more at a time without feeding them. But trust me, they were as stubborn as my one crappy houseplant, and the lack of food only seemed to make them more determined to hang on. Stupid fish.

And, the one household chore I hate more than all others is vacuuming, so if it were an animal with fur, or an animal that throws wood chips out of its pen, or an animal that tosses empty sunflower seed shells out of its cage, then it wouldn’t be too long before we were all living in abject filth. The day I find a cat hair in my dinner is the day before the day we have cat for dinner. You get the picture?

I mean, it’s really a wonder that our three children are fed and clothed in a half-decent manner, and I think we can all agree that it’s best to not push our luck in that area, mm-hm?

So yes, no cat for us. When I said yesterday, “What now?”, I meant more of a, “How do we convince Little Miss Sunshine that we are never getting a cat, even if she thinks she has us on a technicality,” rather than a, “I guess that’s it – we’re adopting!” kind of thing.

Do you think I can sell her on a nice stuffed cat for her birthday? It’s almost the same thing…no?

8 thoughts on “Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill!

  1. MrsCarlSagan

    We are very much on the same page with respect to pet ownership. No allergies here, just not pet people.

  2. Amen sister!

    Lil C has a “watch dog” that he sleeps with since he became afraid of the dark a couple of months ago. It’s quite an authentic looking black lab.

    I bet you could find Little Miss S something similar…

  3. I hear ya. I’m bitter enough about the effing hermit crab that I remember to try to keep alive every six days or so. The fish? We killed him within a week (actually he just refused to eat. He was on a hunger strike to protest fish captivity, it wasn’t my fault). And yet I still kind of want a dog.

  4. I am totally with you on the no pets thing. No good ideas here on how to convince the children, however. I have a three year old daughter who is already after us to get a pet.

  5. living in a house built that i am sure is held together by cat and dog hair, i’m in the other camp. though i totally get why you wouldn’t want pets. i’m there several times a day as well (as I am sweeping thr floor for the 100th time since it’s shedding season).

    how about a webkinz pet? you have to take care of them.

  6. My mother was one of you. For all the same reasons. Luckily my Dad loved living in the country, so we had lots of animals around — just not in the house. The cats and dog slept in the barn with everyone else. Perhaps that’s a compromise? The kids will have to keep the animal(s) fed and watered and exercised. You never have to even see them. You just have to move to the country!

  7. Amelia Witherspoon

    Maybe you can tell her when she’s all grown up, she can have all the cats she wants…as long as she never brings them home to visit! My aunt and uncle also never had pets, but their kids got their fix in other ways when they got a little older — petsitting and whatnot. Good luck! I like the webkinz idea, although do you have to be in front of a computer all the time for that? Do they still make tomagotchis or nano babies?

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