Miracle Cheese and Boobies

Last night we had homemade pizza for dinner. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was to me. When you have a kid who is allergic to eggs, milk, and soy, it makes it really hard to make a traditional pizza. I have in the past made cheese-less pizza for the Captain, but then it’s just bread with a little tomato sauce smeared on it, and hell, he may as well just have some crackers and Sunbutter instead, you know?

Luckily, we live in amazing times where scientists can create cheese-like products out of air and several chemicals. I do not even want to know what is in this stuff, but there’s a new “cheese” in town, called Daiya. I read about it on It Ain’t Meat, Babe and I assumed it would not be suitable for us, but IT IS. No milk, no eggs, no soy. No gluten either, for those who care.

That is VERY exciting.

So last night I made “cheese” pizza for the Captain and he loved it and had four slices and didn’t react to anything and I can die happy now because I was able to give my kid pizza. The triumphs of the allergic-kid mother are very small, indeed.

In other landmark news, I had to go to the mall last night to buy a new bathing suit. I’m sure I don’t need to write another word for you to imagine what that experience was like. Buying a suit in January is weird, because no one has suits in stock except The Bay, which has a lovely selection of matronly suits for Ladies Of Leisure who are embarking on cruises, and good ol’ Bikini Village, where it costs you $30 just to go in and look.

But it really was a necessity – a definite exception to the shopping embargo – because I take swimming lessons on Friday mornings. For the past several weeks I’ve been wearing my choice of:

a) a suit comprised of a stretched-out bottom half I bought for our honeymoon, fifteen years ago, matched with a top I bought while pregnant, which News Flash!, I am not anymore; or

b) a two-piece suit I bought to go on vacation with my sisters way back before I had kids, when I was at my skinniest ever, which News Flash!, I am not anymore, and trust me, seeing my belly button is a scarring experience; or

c) a matronly flowered top/skirted bottom number that I bought when desperate for our trip to Disney last year, which is rather low cut and slips sideways when we practice diving, giving all the elderly gentlemen in my class a peep show.

Now that’s classy.

So, I went to the mall and I approached the Bikini Village and I said to myself, “You will go in there. You will try on suits. You will NOT look at price tags, You will get something respectable. DO IT.”

And I came out with a very nice Speedo that mostly, sort of, fits me well enough not to shift while swimming, and mostly, sort of, makes my butt look huge, and mostly, MOSTLY, cost a fortune.

But at least I can swim now without burning the eyes of everyone else there. Whew!

18 thoughts on “Miracle Cheese and Boobies

  1. Moira

    Actually…this is a great time of year to buy bathing suits at Costco. They have speedo brand one pieces and they have some unknown brand tankinis. For $30!!!

    If you don’t have a membership, but want one, let me know and we can shop together. It never hurts to have a back up bathing suit…

    1. Unfortunately, my Bikini Village suit is not returnable, so I’ll have to stick with that one for now. I have such a bitter relationship with Costco, anyway. I feel as though a membership there is not for us, since I need so many specific brand names in food I could never grocery shop there. But then every time we need something else, from books to light fixtures to tires to radios, everyone always tells me I can get it for half the price at Costco.

      SO annoying. Plus we are just about to cancel our American Express. So I must remain committed to not having a membership and instead be bitterly jealous of those who actually can shop there. GAH.

  2. MrsCarlSagan

    I’ve seen those cute one piece speedos at Costco – I don’t think you can try them on there can you? And I’m doubtful they can be returned….so I’m a bit nervous about committing even 30$ in case it doesn’t work out. Do any Costco shoppers out there know if they can be tried on in the store and / or returned if they don’t fit?

    1. The suit I just bought at Bikini Village cannot be returned. I’m guessing Costco as well would not accept a return on a suit. But if you have a suit that fits you, just take it in and hold it up against the new ones. I’ve done this before for other clothes, both for myself and for the kids, and it’s a pretty good way to judge size.

      However, you still won’t be able t o tell if it makes your butt look big until you get it home :).

  3. I discovered Daiya a few months ago and as soon as I brought it home I made my son his very first grilled cheese sandwich. My son has reactions to soy and milk but we are still waiting on more testing to figure out exactly what it is. I would love to hear your experience with these allergies (although, I’m sure it’s quite lengthy like mine). I’ve written on this topic a few times on my blog and would love to hear from an experienced Mom 🙂

    1. Hey, Alicia, I was just leaving a comment on your blog at the exact same time you were commenting here! We are totally in sync :). Read my comment over on your blog and then email me (lynnturtlehead at gmail dot com) if you want to chat more.

  4. First of all, the title of this post is going to result in some very interesting google searches. 🙂

    Second, I think a bathing suit is a totally necessary expenditure! And I have no warm feelings about Bikini Village either. Marianne’s in Westgate is the place I go. There’s something for everyone there!

  5. Moira

    Actually you CAN return bathing suits to costco. I choose to think that it’s un environmentally friendly (ie they get trashed) rather than oogey (they get resold).

    Besides, if you have bought a speedo recently then you know your size. Speedos are all more or less cut the same…

    1. MrsCarlSagan

      Excellent! I had no idea – I guess if they don’t let you try them on, then they need to at least let you return them.

  6. nadinethornhill

    What IS that cheese made of? My mind is amazed and slightly boggled.

    It galls me to spend major money on swimsuits, but it seems to be the only way to find one fits me properly, so props to you! Enjoy the pool. 🙂

  7. Bathing suit shopping, very painful. Why is the lighting so terrible in those stores? Really, why?

    Congrats on the pizza. It’s nice to be able to provide some “regular” stuff for kids with allergies. I have a lot of vegan friends who eat those “cheeses” and they are not too bad, really (just don’t focus on the label too much, holy crap).

  8. I’m giggling – funny post. The Daiya discovery reminds me of when I discovered sunflower seed butter. It was as if I could hear angels were singing from the heavens.

    I was so intrigued, I had to google Daiya. The website doesn’t list ingredients. But I found this blog post listing the ingredients based on correspondence with the company. http://soulveggie.blogs.com/my_weblog/2009/04/daiya-responds-re-vegan-cheeses-ingredients.html

    It’s basically doctored up oils. Delicious doctored up oils that are so so worth it for your family!

    And as far as bathing suits go, it’s worth the dough to get a good one when you’re over 25. As your post title points out, boobies are an issue. You are a brave woman to shop for it in January though. Did you apply some tanning cream before you headed out 🙂

  9. If you’re ever brave enough to buy another bathing suit while still living in the Ottawa area, go to Forbie Active Wear, in Westboro. Affordable, stylish, custom-adjusted if necessary, or even custom-made. I started buying my suits there when I was a lifeguard as a much more energetic teenager many moons ago, and have never looked back.

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