Mother of the Bride

My sister is getting married in just over two weeks, and I suddenly decided this morning that I had to have a new dress for the occasion. I’m not desperate — I have this one from last year that I could wear — but I wanted to just have a poke around and see what the mall had to offer.

So I headed into Laura Petites, and I’m fingering their fancier evening-type dresses when along comes the saleslady. And she says to me, “Are you looking for something for a wedding?” and I say, “Yes, yes I am,” and she says, “Are you the mother of the bride?”


Still not over it.

Probably never going to get over it.

(To answer your questions – she was not some young teenager, I’d guess she was around 50 and probably thought we were peers, which we kind of are, but NOT OVER IT. Also, I was kid-free as Little Miss Sunshine started preschool this week – I’m sure I would not have gotten that assumption with a preschooler in tow. BUT STILL. NOT OVER IT.)

I’ll be turning 40 in a few weeks and it really wasn’t bothering me at all. I kind of had weird issues when I turned 20, like WOE, my fun times are OVER, wah wah. But by 30 I was over that shit and kind of saw the new decade as a chance to finally figure out what it meant to be Lynn. Now I’m 40 and I still don’t have a clue but I don’t feel all that old and I still feel like there are lots of things to look forward to in life…

(like, apparently, the imminent weddings OF MY CHILDREN)

…so I wasn’t too fretty.

Then last weekend, my good friend Lisa came for a visit and I only see her and her adorable family like, once every five years, so we took some pictures. Gal Smiley wanted to take some shots so we gave her our camera and she snapped a few. In one of them I am bending over and looking to the side so she captured the top of my head, and HOLY CRAP, BATMAN, the grey hair. I have been absolutely fooling myself about the noticeability of the greys.

The old grey mare, she ain’t what she used to be.

So now, a wee bit fretty, yes.

It’s a little tough realizing that the hair colour ads and the nice, matronly beaded dresses with long jackets and the Oil of Olay commercials are aimed at me. That when my kids’ swim instructors and babysitters look at me, they see someone old (AYE AYE AYE). It’s rather like that time in my early 20s when someone in a store first called me “ma’am” — a turning point, where you know you’ve passed into the next generation.

Here it is, folks! Middle age! Welcome, settle in, make friends, you’ll be here a while.

19 thoughts on “Mother of the Bride

  1. Excuse me while I try to tame my unladylike snorting laughter long enough to muster a sympathetic expression.

    She was just a moron. You don’t look old enough to be the bride unless you’re in a long line of women who marry at fifteen.

  2. GAH! I would’ve had trouble recovering, too.

    One time my parents were shopping when some ridiculous salesclerk asked my mom if my dad was her son. To make matters worse, my dad is actually 2 years older than she is! Admittedly, my mom was starting to have a tinge of grey hair, and my dad has always looked younger than he really is–but how anyone could think she was his mother is beyond me.

  3. Ack! Clearly this woman is visually impared or belongs to some child bride cult. So very wrong!
    Do get a new dress though…. somewhere else.

  4. MrsCarlSagan

    Oh my. I’d have trouble getting past that too. You don’t look old enough to have kids of marrying age. Jeeeezus.

  5. oh good grief! that woman had to be a complete idiot. seriously now. so you have grey hair. big woop. you don’t look any older than you are, and that would mean you would have had to have the kid when you were 15. good grief. i’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

    yes, do get a new dress. but not there!


    I’m so pissed at the service industry this week, that I just CALLED Laura Petites (I’m assuming it was in Bayshore), and told your story to the manager.

    I suggested she speak to her team and suggest they do NOT open with that line in the future.

    1. smokingtoaster

      You are the world’s most awesome sister!

      (For the record, it’s absolutely ridiculous anyone could think Lynn was a mother of the bride. It’s annoying that stupid people have the power to make us feel bad.)

  7. I’ve met you a few times and mother of the bride? Um, I think not! That woman needs to get her eyes fixed!

    I’m turning 30 in December and am kind of freaking out about it. It does seem strange to be getting older. But ah well, happens to the best of us! (I wouldn’t want to be a kid nowadays anyways)

  8. Betsy Mae

    OMG!!!!!!! I agree, you don’t look like you could ever be the mother of a bride…idiot sales lady.

    Now that that’s out of the way I need to say a big sarcastic ‘thank you’ to you! I don’t want to think about the shit you wrote about woman! I’m turning 38 at my next birthday and I just don’t believe that I am turning 38. I remeber when my Mom was 38 and how old I thought she was.

    I must keep in mind that today my 5 year old said that I look like a teenager. Never mind that she said it because I was wearing a pony tail and she said teenagers wear pony tails, I’m going to just go with it. I look 18 even though I’m turning 38 phew.

    1. I know…when I think about what I thought of people who were like, 30, when I was like, 8, I get totally freaked out. I mean, those people were OLD. They were driving cars and watching late night TV and making whatever they wanted for dinner. They were ADULTS, they knew about the world, they had it together, they were IN CHARGE.

      Now that I’m here I so totally don’t feel that way. It is absolutely surreal to me to try to imagine my kids viewing me this way. I just can’t do it.

  9. As a 41 (cough cough) ish lower-middle-ager, and having met you, I can say with all sincerity I am surprised you are turning 40…I thought you were in your early thirtys, tops. Seriously – you look young and fabulous.

    As for Laura Freakin’ Petites lady…girlfriend needs to get some stronger lenses and some training in customer service. Grrrr.

  10. Watched the first episode of Eureka with my wife. I don’t remember exactly why, but I had occasion to ask, “Do I look as old as that guy (the main character)?” She kinda hemmed and hawed before saying, “Well, you are both of an age…?”

    Gadzooks. I am middle-aged, too! At least appearance-wise if not strictly by the numbers. 😉

    Gone were my illusions of looking like a young buck still.

    From the post and comments, though, i think I’m in good company (ha ha!).

  11. Patricia

    I’m turning *cough* 40 in November. I feel your pain. I happened upon your blog in a really weird, internetty round about way and I’ve been giggling through it. You had me at Turtlehead.

  12. That women must have forgotten to put her contact lenses in that morning! Whatever, she certainly could use some customer services training.

    Funny what sends you people the top about their age, hope you are recovering well!

  13. karen

    I turned 38 a couple of weeks ago. I don’t feel old but I still can’t get over the fact that I’m 38 now.

    My brother is 10 years older than me. I remember when he was 20 and that was old.

  14. Listen, my friend, as a person in the front row at this “old grey mare” gathering, I can tell you, you are just barely in the door. If this was a Red Hat Society gathering, you wouldn’t even be allowed to wear red! (No joke, that’s the rule, you’d be in lilac…) The decade that you are just entering – the 40s – is about the most productive and satisfying of all, IMHO. No hot flashes, no sagging butts, so what about the grey hair, we have products for that. Enjoy mentally skewering that salesperson – she deserves it!

  15. I laughed and laughed when I read this. I favorited it in my reader so I could come back and comment. It took me awhile but I am here. 🙂

    You look awesome! Granted I see you once a year at BOLO but you look great. I thought you were younger then me! So there.

    May I suggest a shin tight dress with a slit up to there. That will show them who the mother of the bride is.

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