I like to play a game during Dance! Show! results show, and that’s Guess The Opening Number Choreographer. I think I have been watching dance show for too long now, since I almost always get it right. This week, angels + Sting = Mia, no doubt about it. And saaaaay whaaat…NAILED IT.

But my enjoyment of the piece was totally ruined when I realized it was Ade playing Centre Angel. No other all stars were dancing, and I really doubted that Mia looked at her six-men-two-women ratio and thought to herself, “You know what this thing needs? One more guy!”

So, yeah, I guessed about Alex. So heartbreaking. I really think he could have won this season. I’m not sure what will happen next year – I kind of feel like this was his chance, and now it’s over, and that’s it. So we’ll see if he even bothers to come back for yet another season. I must say, my interest in this season has taken a sudden nose dive. Not that I’ll stop watching or anything, though.

Seven remain…there can be only one! Let’s rank!

1. ALEX FOREVER. Just kidding.

1. Lauren. Okay, even I am skeptical about this one. Can a woman really win in this Season Of Men? Still, Lauren had such an amazing week. She rocked it with Pasha; her number with Kent was my favourite of the week. She’s growing all the time, which is fabulous for this show – America loves growth. Can she actually pull off the votes? Maybe…and I kind of hope so.

2. Kent. Kent also had a good week, holding his own quite well with Comfort (heavens, the best and possibly only reason to have this whole stupid all stars season is that we get to see Comfort do hip-hop like, 10 times over), and clicking with Lauren. But Kent’s problem seems to be that he is stalling at a certain level – he started out well, he’s still doing well, but he’s not producing either a) growth or b) mind-blowing moments like Alex’s dance with Twitch last week. I’m not sure what he can do differently, but his story arc is stagnating and that’s not good.

3. Jose. Jose was not that great this week. I liked him okay with all star Lauren (Lauren! Good for a second week in a row! What’s come over me?), but he didn’t quite make it good with Billy. SUCH an insult to the Cheesman. Don’t take it personally, Sean! We still love you! Anyway, I have to say that after weeks of weak dancing, Jose still manages to avoid the bottom three every time, so…I guess America loves him. A lot. And you know what’s weird? I kind of do, too. I totally get what the judges mean when they say he has heart and modesty and joy in his dancing, and it just makes you enjoy his performances without worrying about the technicalities. I would be disappointed if he won, but I don’t mind him sticking around for a while, even at the expense of (technically) better dancers.

4. Adechike. I find it really hard to get a read on how America feels about Adechike. On one hand, the judges are always really harsh on him and he seems like a second-tier dancer. On the other, even after a week of ho-hum dancing and severe criticism, he still gets the votes. So, are we looking at the love of a few dedicated voters that will carry him through to top-4 only, or a massive affection for the underdog from all of America that will take him right to the top? I need to see my bookie. In other news, what was up with that gold dress on Courtney this week? I have seen uglier. ON PIGS.

5. Robert. Avoids the bottom two even when given the dreaded quickstep, and even though he and Kathryn had a few missteps during their Barbie and Ken program. I didn’t feel the chemistry between him and Kathryn or him and Ashley, and yet, this is the one week he doesn’t get punished for it. America, you are one fickle lady. Despite his bad week and sometimes annoying personality, I do think Robert is an amazing dancer and does not deserve to go home any time soon. So hopefully this is a turning point for him, and he’ll be moving up the charts next week.

6. Ashley. I’d love to put her at the bottom, but despite landing in the bottom two this week, I’m still not convinced that America is listening to me. She was fine in her hip-hop this week, but frankly, I couldn’t really concentrate on her dancing because WHAT UP WITH THOSE PANTS? Seriously, she looked like she’d had a giant poop. Do ninjas really dress like that? Or hip-hop dancers, for that matter? Wardrobe FAIL. Anyway, as expected her solo on results night was generic and forgettable, and she was basically wallpaper during her number with Robert, so in short, she is still not my favourite. If she ends up in the bottom three with two boys, though, it’s a boy who will be going home for sure, so she’s likely be safe for yet another week, at least.

7. Billy. Most likely to go home this week – he keeps landing at the bottom by votes, and his solos are still kind of confounding and busy and all over the place. His Broadway number to Macavity from Cats was actually my second favourite of the entire week – I thought he really held his own and rocked the house. Plus I love that song. Plus, I squealed like a child given a bowl of ice cream when I saw Katy – did you? Sir Monkeypants was all, “It’s a dance show,” and I was all, “KATY KATY KATY BOING BOING BOING.” Seriously, I need medical help. Anyway, as I said above, his number with Jose was just awful. They both looked so uncomfortable dancing together – it was beyond lack of chemistry and into I-don’t-like-you-dude. He just doesn’t seem to be finding a niche with the viewers. If he gets ballroom next week – which he is way overdue for – he’s a goner. So sad! Billy is a sweetie.

I must add that I am loving the all star matchups they are popping into the results show, by the way. So far we’ve seen Mark and Courtney, and Pasha and Anya. Who is left to be showcased? Obviously they should get Twitch and Comfort to do their robot number to “Forever” which is sheer legend. Neil and Lauren were original partners back in Season 3, so they probably have a couple of routines they could do – one by Wade Robson in which Neil is a vampire chasing Lauren in a white dress stands out. That leaves Ade, Dominic, Kathryn, and Allison/Katy, all of whom are from different seasons. Who do you think should dance with whom? And would you like to see them do original numbers, or have one of the all stars fill in a missing part – Allison with Ade on the breast cancer number, say, or Dominic taking one of Legacy’s roles in one of his fantastic numbers with Kathryn? Actually, I think I just answered my own question – bring it, Dance Show!