During the premiere of House this year, they used a song called Love Vigilantes by New Order (on the show they used a cover by Iron and Wine). This has kicked off a New Order revival around here, as Sir Monkeypants has started listening to them compulsively. That’s okay with me, as I like New Order. They don’t tire me out like Depeche Mode. Five songs of Depeche Mode, tops, and I have a headache. Weird.

If you were a teenager in the 80s, you can probably hum along with at least ten New Order songs. Even if you listened to say, a shame-inducing combination of Duran Duran, Anne Murray, and The Carpenters in high school. Not that I did, or anything. Look, a bird!

The thing is, even though New Order has a dozen famous songs, they rarely say the title in the chorus of their songs, so I never know what any of them are called. These past few weeks, Sir Monkeypants will put on a New Order song, and I’ll know all the words, but the title? Could be any of five possibilities. Or six.

Just thought of a seventh.

Seriously, am I the only one who is never quite sure if it’s True Faith or Blue Monday? One time I was driving home and I heard a cover of Age of Consent on the radio, and I rushed in to tell Sir Monkeypants about this awesome New Order cover I’d heard, and he was all, “What song was it?” and I was all, “Um…I don’t…know?”

Clearly we have a song naming problem here.

Let’s examine the following quotes from the choruses of New Order’s big hits. I bet that just by reading them, you can hum them and probably even sing the rest of the song. But could you name the title?

1. Pretending not to see his gun
I said, let’s go out and have some fun
I know, you know, you believe in a land of love

2. And I’m not the kind that likes to tell you
Just what I want to do
I’m not the kind that needs to tell you
Just what you want me to

3. I want to see my family
My wife and child waiting for me
I’ve got to go home
I’ve been so alone, you see

4. How does it feel to treat me like you do?
When you’ve laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me, how do I feel
Tell me now, How do I feel

5. I used to think that the day would never come
I’d see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun…

6. I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain of my wounded heart

7. Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You’ll say the words that I can’t say

8. Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home

9. No hearing or breathing
No movement, no colors
Just silence

10. One of these days you’ll go back to your home
You wont even notice that you are alone
One of these days when you sit by yourself
You’ll realize you cant shaft without someone else

11. Oh, God, Johnny, don’t point that gun at me
There’s so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don’t do this to me
Johnny, don’t point that gun at me
Can I save my life at any price?
For God’s sake won’t you listen to me?

12. And I was touched
By the hand of God
Never knew it but I killed someone

Answers:
1. The Perfect Kiss
2. Age of Consent
3. Love Vigilantes (Bonus: Iron and Wine version)
4. Blue Monday
5. True Faith
6. Regret (my personal favourite)
7. Bizarre Love Triangle
8. Temptation
9. Your Silent Face (known as “Song 5” around our house, because it is song 5 on the Power, Corruption, and Lies album, and that just PROVES MY POINT)
10. Subculture
11. 1963
12. Touched by the Hand of God (the exception that proves the rule)

How many did you get right?