My older sister, SocialButterfly, turns 40 years old today.

In honour of her birthday, I would like to give her the gift of an apology for all the crappy things I did to her as a kid.

I’m sorry I hit you in the head that time with a Fisher Price toy camera, and you had to get stitches.

I’m sorry about that one time I didn’t flush the toilet after filling it with hair from my hairbrush, and you teased me about it, and I gave you a HUGE lecture about how much it costs to flush a toilet and how we should not be doing it unnecessarily, and you were all chagrined, when really, you were right in the first place, and I should have flushed.

Remember when your Grade 8 yearbook came out, and there was a page where people had been invited to complete the sentence, “I love…”? And you had said, “…waking up to music.” And I thought that answer was totally lame, so just to prove a point, I turned on your radio at full volume at 7am on a Saturday morning, thus “waking” you up to “music”? Yeah, sorry about that one. I was a wee bit jackassy.

I’m really sorry about that one time when you were in Grade 4, and you were trying really hard to impress a cute guy in your class, so you told him you had a robot in your bedroom that cleaned it for you, and he came to me for validation, and I failed to back you up.

Sorry I just told the world about that robot thing.

I’m sorry that when we used to stay up after our official bedtime, pretending in the dark that we were twin babies named Tina and Bina, that I made you be Bina, even though you always wanted to be Tina.

I’m sorry that I have, in the past, suggested to you that Placido Domingo is uncool.

I’m very, very sorry that I was too self-involved during my university years to pay much attention to your kids, when they were wee babies and toddlers. I had no idea what I was missing out on; I completely did not get it when I called to talk to you and you would dare to talk all about your kids instead. I get it now. I sucked back then.

I apologize for that one time that Nana and Papa brought us back wallets as gifts from a trip to Florida, and I cried and cried because you got a pink one and I got a blue one but I WANTED THE PINK ONE, and you caved in and traded with me. You have a good heart. I was (am?) a whiny baby.

Sorry about all those times you wanted to socialize, but I just wanted to sit and read a book, and so totally rebuffed you. I must say though, you never seemed to take it personally. I suspect you have always understood me much better than I have understood you.

Now you’re 40, and I hope I’m a better sister to you now than I was then. Just to prove it, I’m going to call you on the phone right now and I vow to talk to you for a full fifteen minutes, which is terribly painful for me (not because it’s you, just because it’s the phone, and I HATE the phone), but it’ll make you happy.

Happy birthday, SocialButterfly!