These are the shoes I wore to my own wedding, April 27, 1994.

Although marrying Sir Monkeypants was the best decision I ever made, neither of us has fond memories of our wedding day. Sir Monkeypants was living in Ottawa and I was living in Toronto, and we were getting married in Mississauga, which led to some obvious difficulties. Sir Monkeypants did what he could to help out but FameThrowa and I basically did all the work, and it was a time of enormous stress for me. I was doing wedding planning all the time and it wasn’t any fun, and as a result, I wasn’t any fun. Sir Monkeypants and FameThrowa got a LOT of phone calls with me crying or whining or screaming on the other end. It was bad, bad, bad.

Then, after I’d already decided a bunch of stuff and booked a bunch of stuff and picked out a bunch of stuff, I came to realize that several other members of both of our families had expected to be consulted on all those things, which caused a lot of hard feelings, and a lot of back pedaling, and a lot of trying to fix things after the fact.

Then I got all Bridezilla and crazy and brainwashed by the wedding industry, and insisted that certain things I had wanted HAD TO HAPPEN, or else it would all be RUINED, just RUINED, which caused some more problems.

So the wedding day itself was a mishmash of things I wanted, things other people wanted, and basically nothing that Sir Monkeypants wanted. I’m kind of surprised he went through with it, actually. By the time the reception rolled around, everyone was feeling disappointed or mad about something.

THEN, a bunch of people we knew from university went and got totally smashed at the reception, and did some inappropriate things. We were the first in our class to be married and we were all still pretty young and the “wild party” thoughts of some did not really fit well with the “respectable and quiet event” thoughts of our families. So that was bad.

We lived through it, though, and eventually — at looooooong last — it was all over, and we were married. And that is good.

The shoes are one nice thing from that day. I had them dyed to match the lovely ivory wedding dress I had to have, paid $800 for, and wore for about an hour before changing into a more traditional Indian outfit for the reception. There’s money I’ll never see again.

I have gotten a few more parties out of the shoes, though. They’re pretty comfy and have never given me any trouble at all. Maybe someday I’ll take them and Sir Monkeypants on a trip to Vegas, where we can all get the wedding we should have had in the first place.

These are the shoes I wore when I was a bridesmaid at LittleSis’ wedding, in the spring of 2002.

I’ve been a bridesmaid three times — once for SmokingToaster, once for my older sister SocialButterfly, and once for LittleSis. For SocialButterfly’s wedding I had a cute pair of white pumps with a squashed heel (I love a squashed heel!), but I never did find any other outfits that they went with, so I never wore them again. Eventually I gave them away.

These grey shoes that I wore to LittleSis’ wedding look kind of boring in this photo, but I really like them. They’re a very unusual colour — almost shimmery but not glossy, purple-grey without any hint of silver. Plus, they’re Rockports, so they’re super comfy, made for being on your feet all day and then dancing all night. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ve worn them since. They look lovely with the pale lilac dresses we wore (which I made, because I am all crafty that way, and the line forms to the right for KUDOS), but those dresses are floor-length, so I haven’t had a lot of call to wear mine in my everyday life as Human Dishrag. I haven’t yet found a nice dress to go with them, either. I bet a pair of dark grey dress pants would look smashing, though. Memo to self: on next dress-up occasion, buy grey dress pants.

LittleSis’ wedding was probably the best wedding I’ve ever been to. All of my family was there and since I wasn’t the bride, I had lots of time to spend with them. I talked to everyone and ate tons of cake (and sat on a piece, but don’t worry, my dry cleaner got all the chocolate out) and took a million pictures. I spent a lot of time dancing with my (then) young niece and nephew, who had never been to such a big party with a dance floor before. They were so cute and I think that night is really when I realized how much I love them.

For their first dance, LittleSis and her new husband did a choreographed tap dance which was SO fabulous. All of my sisters and I are tap dancers — I still dance once a week, shout-out to my awesome teacher Sheila — and CanadiensFan#1! learned the basics so they could do this one special performance together. I just about passed out from delight. There’s a video of this dance and if you can take your eyes off of the gorgeous couple in the foreground, you can see me in the background laughing and clapping and displaying pure joy. Later LittleSis told me that seeing me in the background so obviously happy was her favourite part of the video.

To this day, I think she does not know that her wedding fell just a few weeks after I’d had a miscarriage. I lost one baby before we had Captain Jelly Belly and at the time I really thought that nothing happy would ever happen to me again. Three glorious children later, the pain has been dulled, but I can still clearly recall the anguish and horror of that time. When it happened I really did not see how I could possibly go through with being in the wedding — even leaving the house seemed like an insurmountable problem.

But I managed to get there, and when I was surrounded by my family — everyone so happy, everyone so loved — it made it all better.

So seeing me be happy in LittleSis’ wedding video — watching myself heal, frame by frame — was my favourite part, too.

These are the shoes I wore to the wedding of my good friends CaptainPlanet and SmokingToaster, in the fall of 1993.

It’s the only time I’ve been a bridesmaid for a non-family member, and although it was a huge honour and made me feel really happy and special, I think I was a really sucky bridesmaid, in that I don’t really remember doing anything to actually help SmokingToaster. All I really remember is being really cranky about the selection of bridesmaid dress. It was an off-the-shoulder dress with a straight skirt and I did not think it would suit me at all. But I caved in because it was what the other bridesmaids wanted and I didn’t want to be too much of a BITCA.

In the end I got about a million compliments that day on how gorgeous I looked so I guess I didn’t really know what the hell I was talking about, anyway.

These lovely red velvet shoes matched the top part of the dress and I loved, loved, loved them (which made it a little easier to stop being such a BITCA about the dress itself). They made me feel like a fairy princess, going to a ball. Unfortunately they are not the most comfortable shoes ever — did you know that velvet shoes have no give whatsoever? I don’t care though. I love them still.

As for the wedding, it was a rocking awesome time, if I do say so myself. A lot of my friends from university were there and we had a great time dancing and singing and throwing illegal confetti in the reception hall. I had just discovered that having a little wine would not, in fact, send me straight to hell, so I had approximately half a glassful and then drunkenly warned SmokingToaster that she should not, under any circumstances, try to have sex that evening, since the stress and exhaustion would just get their marriage off to a bad start.

A few months later, at my own wedding, SmokingToaster told me I’d given her this advice and I was suitably embarrassed.

Anyway, back to the shoes. I loved them so much that after the wedding, I made myself a whole second dress that was more my style using the same red velvet, so that I would have an outfit with which to wear the shoes again. I wore the new dress with these Princess Shoes to at least one other wedding, as well as a few Christmas parties. The dress doesn’t fit me anymore — actually, I think I eventually gave up hope of ever fitting into it again, and gave it away — so I haven’t worn these shoes in years. I’d love to have an excuse, though. Maybe I’ll try them on right now.

These are the shoes I wore to Sinnick’s wedding to NicolaJayne, in the summer of 2006.

I blogged extensively about these shoes at the time. I needed a pair of sandals to wear with my dress for the wedding and I knew I’d be doing a lot of walking and standing and dancing, so I wanted something pretty but practical. I saw these in the store and I fell in love with them at first sight, but they just didn’t seem like they’d be comfortable at all. The heel is much higher and slimmer than I usually wear, and the straps were so skinny and unsupportive. So in fear, I bought a low-heeled pair of very sensible sandals with thick elastic straps instead.

These other shoes were not cute. They didn’t so much say “sassy hot wedding guest” as “I like to wear stretch pants from WalMart.”

Afterwards I whined and whined about the Lost Shoes, and the next week I went back to the store and went in just to visit, just to say “hi,” and it turned out that they were on sale, 50% off. So of course I had to try them on, and of course they fit perfectly, just as if I were Cinderella. So of course I had to buy them, and show them off to everyone at the wedding.

Actually it was just a wedding reception; they’d already been married in a small ceremony in the Caribbean. FameThrowa and I went down for the big party that most of their extended family and friends were attending.

I had such a great time. Nicola looked so gorgeous — FameThrowa and I were so happy she was wearing her wedding gown — and Sinnick looked handsome and happy. A bunch of Nicola’s family from England were there talking in cool accents, which was enchanting. I met a bunch of FameThrowa’s friends from university (she went to school with Sinnick, which is how I know him), and they were all so adorable I could have eaten them with a spoon. I also met Mr. Hand; I’d been a fan of his blog for a while and I’m afraid I was all giddy and weird and gushy like a groupie, and I wasn’t even drunk. FameThrowa and I rocked out on the dance floor and ate many, many, MANY of the shortbread cookies that they had in place of a cake.

Seriously, BEST. COOKIES. EVER. I have no idea where these little pieces of manna came from. I would have asked Nicola for details but if I knew how to access the source, I would have heart disease in about three weeks. So for the sake of my children, it’s better that I don’t know.

Speaking of the kids, this wedding was the first and only night I have ever spent away from home without the kids since the Captain was born. I think FameThrowa thought I was pretty lame for insisting that we only be gone one night — the wedding was about a five hour drive away, but I still made her drive up on the Saturday, go to the wedding party Saturday night, then drive home the next morning. It was great to be away, but I missed my family a lot and although I knew Sir Monkeypants would have everything under control, at the same time I know how hard it is to do the single-parent thing and I wanted to rush home to help him out as soon as possible.

I have to say I have been extremely lucky in that Sir Monkeypants almost never has to travel for work, and is hardly ever away overnight. I’ve probably had to take the kids all on my own overnight no more than 5 times in the past five years, and I don’t think I’ve ever had to do it since Little Miss Sunshine was born. Some people probably think it’s strange or unhealthy that we basically never, ever leave the kids. I admit it has felt oppressive on occasion, and when I hear about other couples taking cruises or having a weekend in Quebec City while Grandma watches the kids, I feel a little jealous.

But at the same time, I really, really missed them when I was away. I kind of like having them around. Hopefully that isn’t too strange or unhealthy.

Anyway, as for the shoes, they turned out to be shockingly comfortable. I danced in them all evening long and never once felt unsteady, never once a twinge of pain. They’re perfect in every way.

And the practical, old-lady sandals? I don’t even have them any more. As it turns out, the one time I did wear them, they gave me blisters all to hell and back. Guess Cinderella knew what she was doing.