The other day I was talking to Mrs. Carl Sagan about going back to work. Her youngest starts preschool this year, leaving her with six glorious hours per week which she has all to herself, and she is thinking that she needs a more productive hobby than surfing on Etsy. She’s thinking about thinking about getting a job, maybe something in retail that would let her work just three mornings a week, but it seems like a lot of effort for not a lot of money. So she’s not sure.

I’ll be facing the same decision in a couple of years. Sir Monkeypants and I always thought that I’d go back to work once the youngest was in full-time school, and thanks to a recent decision by our school board, Little Miss Sunshine will be one of the first to experience all-day, every-day Junior Kindergarten in three years. Three years may sound like a long time, but I feel like I need to have an action plan in place now. If I need some retraining or time to break into a new field, I need to get started on that ahead of time.

I’m finding it to be a really sad, hard decision to make, though. Even though it’s hard and often boring and usually frustrating, I do love being home with the kids. I love that we get to paint together and play in the backyard together and just have time for chatting. I realize I would still see them if I were working but I can’t get my head around all the details — how do working moms find time to do the laundry, make dinner, clean the house, take out the garbage, shop for Christmas presents, plan birthday parties, write thank-you cards, and blog — and still have time to spend with their kids? It’s overwhelming.

I guess I want exactly what every other mother wants — a job that has completely flexible hours, that allows me to “work from home” at a moment’s notice when the kids get sick, doesn’t ask for any overtime or weekend hours, and pays a lot of money. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it?

The other day I had an epiphany in which I thought, “Mrs. Carl Sagan and I should start our own Etsy shop!” We both love Etsy, it’d be totally flexible hours — we’d work whenever we feel like it. It would be fun and exciting to design our own jewelry/handbags/clothing/whatever. I actually got really excited about it.

Then I really thought about it. I had about six ideas of things I could make, mainly sewing projects. I did some pricing and once I considered the cost of supplies, how long it would take me to do the work, and what I thought people would actually pay as a markup, I think I’d make about…$1 an hour. And that doesn’t even take into account time spent shopping for fabric, creating new designs, and standing in line at the post office.

Totally not worth it. The dream is dead.

I also used to fantasize about being a writer — in particular, getting paid for blogging. I’m already doing it, I love it, I find time for it even on days when I’m caring for the kids full time — wouldn’t it be ideal if someone would just give me $100 000 a year to do it? One time I saw an interview with the writer of Woulda Coulda Shoulda, one of the top personal blogs on the net, and she admitted that she now made more from her blog than she ever made in her career as a programmer. Wow!

But I must say, after four years of blogging it seems like quite the unlikely scenario. There are, literally, a million bloggers in North America alone, and I’m sure at least half of them are housewives dreaming of making a living from their blogs, and there are probably less than 100 women in NA who are actually able to do so. So the odds do not look good.

I’m forced to admit that my old career — software development — is really about the closest I’m going to get to the dream job. It has very flexible hours, and most places will let you work from home when you want to. It pays really well, definitely enough to cover the cost of required daycare and have enough left over to pay for an annual family vacation.

Sigh.

Here are some things I’d rather do for a job than programming… Doctor. Midwife. Allergist. Nutritionist. Writer. Book-binder. Book editor. Librarian. Governor-General of Canada. Head of the IOC. Million-dollar winning Jeopardy contestant. School teacher. CBC Radio producer. Owner of a Tim Hortons franchise. Owner of my own vanity publishing business. Graphic designer.

Oh, and there’s also stay-at-home-mom/blogger/head of the PTA.

I think, though, that the world of software probably my best choice. Plus, I won’t have to hear my mom’s voice in my ear saying, “You’re wasting your brains and education by staying at home!”

Good thing I still have three years to suck it up, stop being such a whiny, self-indulgent baby, and get used to the idea of working again. Hell, I’ll probably love it when I get there.

It’s almost time for the new TV season to start, and I’ve been seeing tons of ads for the return of Heroes (September 22 on NBC!). I’ve been a faithful watcher of Heroes since the start, and I’m sure I’ll tune in for the season premiere.

But I do find I can’t quite muster up the same enthusiasm for the show since I read that Milo Ventimiglia, who plays Peter, is dating Hayden Panettiere, who plays Claire.

He’s 31, she just turned 19 this week. They announced their relationship last year at her 18th birthday party. I’m going to assume that they did not just hook up that very evening, meaning, they’ve been a couple since she was 17.

SEVENTEEN.

I used to have a real hang up about the older man/younger woman pairing that Hollywood is so fond of, both in real life and in the movies. I used to rant and rave about it all the time when I wrote for Sidekick. Over time, though, I’ve become more complacent about it. Maybe Hollywood is getting better, too — seems like there’s more parts for women past 30 these days, especially on TV.

But now I’m all up in arms again. I’m sure Hayden is all mature for her age and whatever. But if any one of my kids, while in their senior year of HIGH SCHOOL, brings home a partner who is almost 30, then I will have ISSUES. There’s such a huge, huge difference between someone who is 30 and someone who is 18. You absolutely cannot convince me that that is a relationship of equals, of people with similar goals and similar outlooks on life.

My youngest sister, LittleSis, is almost exactly the same age as Milo. I’m trying to imagine her coming over to dinner with a new boyfriend, who is EIGHTEEN. IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I have to think that Sir Monkeypants and I would do a fair bit of eye rolling. Then we’d struggle all evening to make conversation with the 18-year-old on an adult level. Probably while he was texting his friends, asking us for pocket money, and trying to scam some booze from our liquor cabinet.

Actually, I imagine that the hypothetical 18-year-old boyfriend would get along better with Captain Jelly Belly. Hell, they’d be CLOSER IN AGE than the boyfriend and Sir Monkeypants. Maybe they could play some Mario Kart together. Then LittleSis could take her imaginary child-boyfriend out to Zellers for a new school wardrobe.

SERIOUSLY.

I suppose Milo and Hayden are only 11 years apart. If they were, say, 40 and 51 it wouldn’t seem like a big deal at all, I don’t think. But 30 to 18 is just icky.

I hope the new season of Heroes doesn’t give them a lot of scenes together. Scenes in which they will play UNCLE and NIECE. Sheesh!

Speaking of speaking of the Olympics, Canada won a gold in horse jumping the other day. Did you know that the Canadian was bumped into first place, going into the final round, because the guy ahead of him tested positive for drugs? Oh wait — it wasn’t the rider who tested positive, it was HIS HORSE.

I have to say, when the horses are getting drugged — and having to have drug tests — does this not say to you that the rider is NOT DOING THE WORK?

Not a sport. QED.

In other Olympics news, I’m currently watching men’s 10M platform diving, and one of the competitors is a 14-year-old boy from Britain. During the synchro diving event, I remember seeing a 13-year-old, too. Why is there a minimum age for women’s gymnastics of 16, when there doesn’t appear to be a minimum age for other sports? It is on a sport-by-sport basis? That seems fishy.

Personal goal: Become head of International Olympic Committee. Right wrongs; become legend.

I’ve been given an award! I’m a kick-ass blogger!

Many thanks to XUP for the honour. Her blog is always thought-provoking and entertaining — check it out now!

Blog awards like this are kind of like chain letters, in that there are always rules that say you have to pass them on. So in accordance with this particular award’s rules, I shall now pass this award on to five other kick-ass bloggers that I love:

• Andrea at a peek inside the fishbowl inspired me both to find new ways to be environmentally friendly (hello, my beloved reuseable produce bags!) and to buy a fancy new camera to try to take pictures that are at least half as good as hers (which I am loving, best purchase ever!).
• Lissa at FlyTurtleFly writes some of the most beautiful poetry I’ve ever read — I’m not one for poetry in general but she never fails to move me. Plus she blogs about So You Think You Can Dance.
• Beth at Life. Not Terribly Ordinary. If I had to live my life over again, I’d be a doctor, and Beth is living that dream. But whether she is writing about doctoring or about her husband’s cooking, it’s always riveting.
• Beck at Frog and Toad is a great writer and always has interesting things to say. Her recipe blog and food column are good reads, too.
• Lastly, my good friend Sinnick is the guy that got me into blogging, and is still the first blog I read every day. He says the stuff that I think, only better.

Anyone interested in handing out or passing on this award can read the full details by clicking on the award icon above.

Speaking of the Olympics, Sir Monkeypants and I spent a large chunk of the drive talking about how the equestrian events and the sailing events shouldn’t even qualify as Olympic sports.

I think there are far too many Olympic events in the first place — the fact that Michael Phelps can be the best in the world at the 100M this and the 200M that and whatever says to me that these events are not different enough to actually warrant being different events, know what I mean? When someone at the track wins two or three medals, that’s a big deal, but it doesn’t seem to be very unusual at all to be the best at several swimming events. I should look back and see when was the last time that someone different took the gold in the 100M and 200M freestyle and 100M and 200M butterfly. I’m guessing it doesn’t happen very often that four different people take these four events.

But at least I can buy that swimming itself is a sport — the equestrian and sailing stuff seems to be pushing it. If Ian Millar can compete for Canada in horse jumping at the age of SIXTY-ONE, then not a sport, no way, no how!

And if sailing can be a sport…why not car racing? And if car racing, why not stuff that is actually directly physical, like “sport dance” (that is, ballroom dancing) or maybe double dutch skipping?

And why do they hand out medals for things like fencing and skeet shooting and archery and handball, but yet golf is not in the Olympics?

It’s all very shady. Time to do a little weeding at the Olympics, I think.