This morning I was watching Blue’s Clues with Captain Jelly Belly and I told him I had to get up and go shower. He didn’t want me to go and said, “No!” I told him I had to becauser I was “smelly Mommy.” He said, very quietly, “No, nice Mommy.”

Aw!

Last night I dreamt that I was watching the Candian Country Music Awards. Mike Myers was hosting and Shania Twain was performing. But then it turned out that besides Shania, there were only two people in all Canada who made country music. So even though the show was three hours long, it just featured the three of them performing over and over and winning all the awards. Eventually there were fireworks and the three of them performed together and I turned to Sir Monkeypants and said, “I think I feel a conclusion is at hand.”

Last night we watched last week’s episode of The O.C. It was full of meta-references about how “last year was so much better.” It’s a joke because the show’s ratings have really fallen off this year and everyone agrees that the show is suffering.

I was a huge fan last year but this year I find the show’s quality has really gone downhill, but I can’t quite put my finger on what is wrong. I think several of the characters — particularly Sandy and Kirsten — have been acting really out of character, which is never good. Also I think the show’s writers have no idea what to do with the Marissa character — sometimes she’s a boozy, rebellious teen, other times she’s Miss Popularity Social Chair.

Last week’s episode seems to imply that the writers think that the way to fix things is to just go back to what worked last year. Four new characters were introduced this year and they’ve all now been dispatched so the original couples from last year can reunite. I like Summer and Seth together and I believed their storyline, but trying to force Ryan and Marissa back together is a big mistake. I wasn’t sad to see D.J. (who?) or Alex leave the show, but I really liked Zach and especially Lindsay — I think both of them had real potential to introduce interesting storylines and help the original characters grow a little bit, but instead they’ve been dumped (quite suddenly, it feels) in order to try to rush back to last year’s status quo.

I’m sad to see one of my favourites go downhill so quickly but I find it interesting to think about what is wrong, and how it could be fixed. Here’s what I’d like to see:

* Marissa spiral downwards into a complete breakdown
* Ryan succeed at school and seriously think about university — only to have it jeopardized by his past
* Seth and Summer to be cute and charming and have at least 2 weeks off of silly Three’s Company style hijinks
* Sandy and Kirsten have their marriage tested by something other than a totally bloated Kim Delaney

Any other ideas?

Sir Monkeypants and I rented The Village on the weekend. I’m not entirely sure if I liked it — the ending felt forced and rushed — but I can say that I was completely engrossed and creeped out on more than one occasion. I think M. Night Shyamalan is a great director and makes beautiful movies with masterful moods.

But my point here is that after watching the movie, I checked out a bunch of reviews online, and I was amazed at how much people seemed to despise this film. I knew it didn’t get great reviews but I couldn’t believe all the bile being thrown around. Some people thought the language was laughable, and that the story took itself too seriously. Some thought that it contained a too-obvious 9/11 message (although I completely didn’t see that at all — I think not being American means that 9/11 isn’t foremost in my mind at all times). The biggest complaint, however, seemed to be that the “twist” ending was too easy to guess.

I think that Night, having built his success on The Sixth Sense, feels too much obligation to provide a twist at the end of his movies. As a result, people always “look” for the twist when watching, and try to guess what it is. Personally I didn’t know anything about The Village so I took it all at face value, and as I said above, I was so engrossed (and, had no problem with suspension of disbelief) that I never once thought about what might lie ahead. I think Night should try directing some films that he hasn’t written. I think he could really be a great director of character pieces and/or spooky films if he removed himself from his own trademark formula.

My biggest complaint about the reviews that I read is that almost all of the negative reviews (which were the majority) included strong hints about the ending. Despite the fact that most of them complained that the ending was too easy to guess, they to a one said something along the lines of, “The setting is a village that seems to be sometime in the late 1800s…” Why did they feel the need to say “seems to be” or “appears to be” or “is supposedly” or something like that? The year, 1897, is firmly established at the start of the film by the date on the gravestone. Without a hint that this year may not be true, I would (and didn’t) never question it. I think these reviewers were rather bitter about being asked not to reveal certain plot points and so slyly thought they’d do their best to give something away. Anyone who read the review would also likely guess the ending, making their complaint — that the twist is way too obvious — self-evident.

I think this is the first time I can remember when I actively objected so strongly to movie reviewers. I usually find reviews, especially mixed ones, to be interesting. But this time for the first time I thought maybe some of them had some sort of alternate agenda.

I watched the Oscars yesterday (we’d recorded it) and once again, I’m amazed at how unattractive Renee Zellweger looks at these things. I don’t get it. She’s a cute girl and she usually wears classic, stunning dresses (her red one for the Oscars this year was particularly gorgeous) but she just doesn’t have the magic. She looked too thin and too white and too squinty.

I think her problem is that she has no sense of personal style. Her look changes all the time but she looks more and more uncomfortable with each change. I think she needs to figure out what flatters her boyish figure, and go more casual with her hair, and then run with that.

Ah, if only I was a fashion designer in Hollywood.

On Saturday at Captain Jelly Belly’s Gymboree class, another Dad there asked me if I worked at Carleton University. I don’t. He told me, though, that there’s a woman who works there who looks exactly like me.

That would be interesting or amazing or cool, if only it didn’t happen to me like, every other week. Seriously, I estimate that 1/3 of new people I encounter tell me that either I look exactly like someone they know, or remind them of someone they are related to, or look “really really familiar” but they can’t place me. It’s weird. I don’t think I have a particularly generic look or anything, but I guess there are a lot of people out there that look like me. Huh.

I should have had Sir Monkeypants take my photo yesterday so I could post it here, and everyone who reads this journal could confirm that in fact, I look exactly like someone else they know. If I get around to showering today, I’ll have him take care of it.

This morning just after the First Lady simultaneously barfed all over me and had the biggest poop ever, both our ensuite toilet and the toilet in the powder room exploded like fountains. Yeah, I know. I wish I were kidding too.

So after I changed the poopy diaper and comforted Captain Jelly Belly, who was running around understandably upset that sewer water was flooding two of our three bathrooms, I cleaned up the mess and changed my barfy outfit. Then I called our builder to report the incident and to say, nicely I thought, that I really hoped it wouldn’t be happening again.

We’ve had plumbing problems in this house from day one, but last week we thought they were finally resolved. Our builder’s plumber came to replace one of the toilets (the bowl was cracked) and we told him about the weird gurgling sounds that happened in the tubs whenever we flushed, and how the toilets were really prone to plugging. He said he was pretty sure that the plumbing cap had been left on the top of our house, but he was oh so wrong. The cap was off — but it turned out, after the poor guy dug around in our attic for half an hour, that the rest of the plumbing in the house had never been connected to the roof pipe. It all just fed up into the attic and then was capped there, inside. Jeez!!

Last week we also had a guy come to install our new microwave hood fan, and when they removed the old fan, they found out that there was no duct work behind it — just a big hole in the wall that wasn’t connected to the fan in any way.

Makes you wonder what the hell else is wrong with the house that we’ll find like, 15 years from now!

The Captain loves this TV show called Peep And The Big Wide World, which is a science show for preschoolers. At the end of every show there’s a few minutes where kids do a simple science experiment.

Most of the time I know what they are doing but there is one episode that I can’t explain and it’s bugging me. The kids do the following two experiments:

1. Take two balls of the same size, but one is heavier than the other (one is plastic, the other wood). Roll them down the same ramp at the same time from the same starting point. The heavier one crosses the finish line first. Why?

2. Take two balls of the same weight, but one is bigger than the other. Roll them down the same ramp from the same starting point. The larger ball goes farther. Why?

Yesterday in the paper I read an interesting, and I think accurate, article about Martin Scorscese. It talked about how he has never developed a trademark style, or a distinctive feel, to his movies. Instead, his films tend to be imitations of other people’s work, or references to other directors’ styles. I’ve never been a fan of his, so I think that’s very true. That’s why it chaps my ass that people are constantly talking about what a crime it is that he has yet to win an Oscar, and about how the Academy should just go ahead and hand him one regardless of what it is for.

I’ll grant that he should probably have won over Kevin Costner several years ago. But handing him one for a lesser deserving movie doesn’t make up for that. I hate it when the Academy does that “lifetime achievement” instead of “best performance” thing. I was pretty happy when Roman Polanski won a couple of years ago. This year, however, I think Scorscese’s win is a given. I haven’t seen The Aviator but apparently it’s not bad, and Clint Eastwood already has one so heck, let’s give it to Marty.

It reminds me of a couple of years ago when everyone was saying the same stuff about Randy Newman, the “Susan Lucci” of the Oscars. Everyone was like, “just give it to him already!” and he gave lots of interviews about how he didn’t need anyone’s pity, and would hate to win unless he felt he really deserved it. But the Academy didn’t listen at all, and gave him the award for his charming-but-forgettable song from Monsters Inc. to make up for the time they totally robbed him of the win for Toy Story 2. And it was nice to see him up there, but it felt kind of hollow. Incidentally, compare Randy’s words with Martin’s, who just gave an interview to EW in which he said that the fact that he hasn’t won in the past has cemented his feelings that he’s an outsider in Hollywood, forever ostracized by his peers. Boo-hoo.

Come Oscar night, I expect Scorscese to win and there will probably be a huge, 10-minute ovation with mucho crying. I’m not looking forward to it.

I just found out that, my entire life, I have been pronouncing “opaque” wrong! Sir Monkeypants just corrected me that it’s “o-pake” not “o-paag”. I am soooo embarrassed.

I thought I’d ironed out all the kinks when I finally stopped pronouncing “relevant” as “revelant.”

At least I think I’ve got “epitome” down. 🙂