Sir Monkeypants just left for an unexpected trip to Toronto for the weekend. He’ll be back on Sunday evening sometime. That gives me about 60 hours of time alone with the munchkins, a thought that puts me into major Third World War bunker-type survival mode. No unnecessary exertions, no shopping unless absolutely necessary, no bathing unless absolutely necessary, absolutely NO attempts to ride bikes with only one parent present. Basically we will be watching a lot of TV in the next two days while eating Alphaghetti from a can (Mon Dieu! I hope I packed the can opener!). Hopefully we will survive!

My other Mommy friends are laughing at me, because they’ve all dealt with this before — business trips, “just the boys” weekends away, that sort of thing. But I’ve been super lucky — this is actually the first time since Gal Smiley was born that Sir Monkeypants has been away overnight. In fact, I can’t even think of a time since Captain Jelly Belly was born that I took care of him by myself for more than 24 hours. So naturally, I’m panicking, because that’s what I do best. I’m not sure how much posting I’ll be able to do over the weekend — not because I’m busy, but because of the sweaty palms.

At least I’m still pregnant. Of course that makes me pretty tired, but I can’t imagine what I would have done with two preschoolers AND a newborn baby for 6 hours, let alone 60. Inside is definitely better — and the baby better stay that way this weekend. Otherwise, I hope he or she likes Alphaghetti.

A few weeks ago on Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kate went for tummy tuck surgery (totally worthwhile in her case, as it replaced her “butt in the front” with a gorgeous flat tummy that looks like it never carried 6 babies at once, let alone one, quite impressive). Anyway, Kate was getting the surgery for free because someone who watched the show was the wife of a plastic surgeon and wanted to help, but that meant that the surgery had to take place a three hour drive from their home. That meant that Kate would be away from home for a week, and then, when she finally returned, she wouldn’t be able to take care of the kids or do any of the usual household work for an additional two weeks, while she recovered.

So in preparation for this major event, Kate cooked. She pre-made dinners for the whole time that she was going to be out of commission, and then froze them in the freezer, ready to be thawed and eaten. The whole episode was basically devoted to watching her shop, chop, and cook various meals for 10 people. Kate talked a lot about how she tries to make healthy meals for her kids, and how eating a balanced diet is important enough to her that she’d rather spend 24 hours cooking than have her kids eat take-out for three weeks straight.

I got to thinking during this episode that Kate, although she clearly loves cooking, can’t possibly be spending a lot of time in the kitchen making complicated gourmet meals. On an average day, when she has to make lunch and dinner for 8 kids — who all still require supervision and care — she probably has to get in there, get it done in like, 15 minutes, and get it on the table as fast as possible. So if she has three weeks’ worth of meals that are a) healthy, b) freezable, and c) FAST, then that is a cookbook waiting to happen.

I personally hate cooking, so I am always on the lookout for easy, fast meal ideas that my kids will actually eat. I used to have this awesome cookbook that I used all the time before I was married called The Bachelor’s Guide. Its big thing was that no recipe called for more than five ingredients, and most of the cooking instructions involved things like, “Throw a can of soup in the pot and stir it around, then add a shake or two of oregano, and done.” It was definitely my kind of cookbook, but because it was aimed at men, almost every recipe involved hearty red meat, and that didn’t really work out when I moved in with a vegetarian. But if someone were to write a similar sort of book — recipes of no more than 5 ingredients, which can be prepared in 20 minutes and on the table within 45 minutes — then I would be first in line to buy it.

So this thinking about easy recipes gave me the idea to swap week-long menus with some of my other Mommy friends. Surely, they too had a need for quick and easy meals, especially the ones who work all day. And like me, I was guessing that they were in a rut, where they prepared the same 3 lunches and 4 dinners over and over again, just because it was the easiest thing to do, and they couldn’t think of anything else. I wasn’t interested in a formal “recipe exchange,” where people give me recipes for things that are really awesome at parties, but take 20 ingredients and spices I don’t have and require an hour of prep time. I was interested in knowing what their families really ate, on a day-to-day basis. What kind of things do the Mommies reach for, when it’s 5:30 and the kids are screaming and starving, and they have 10 minutes to get dinner on the table?

To start with, I’m doing a trade this week with MyFriendJen. I’m keeping track of what we are eating for lunch and dinner each day, and so is she, and then we will swap and see if we can get some good ideas. I must say that I do feel some pressure to provide more variety than I usually would, to show off a few of my rarer (but still fast and easy) meals, just to give Jen the full possible spectrum of ideas. If all goes well, I figure I will ask Mrs. Carl Sagan to do a swap next week.

Oh, hey! New idea! If all goes really really well…maybe that cookbook I dreamed of will happen…with us as the authors! Cooool.

I used to think I was an introvert. I guess I still am, in that I like parties but I also like to leave after an hour or two, or at least have several really long bathroom breaks so I can get some quiet, alone time. And I’m quite content to have an evening to myself to just think, or read, or write; before the Captain was born, I wasn’t working and going to the movies by myself became a common and pleasurable occurrence.

Lately I’ve been noticing, however, that being around other adults is actually fun and, surprisingly, rejuvenating. A couple of weeks ago, I was super tired at the end of the day, but I hadn’t been out of the house in 72 hours, so I dragged my butt to writer’s group even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. And even though it was a sort of working meeting, not exactly a social encounter, I felt awesome afterwards — really energetic and happy.

This morning, my friend Andrea came over with her two young sons for a play date, and we chatted for almost two hours while our kids played happily together, and I’m amazed at how awesome I feel. Usually around lunchtime I’m ready to call it quits for the day — I barely have enough energy to get Gal Smiley into bed for a nap before I collapse on the couch, drooling into a pillow while the Captain watches a video and helps himself to cupcakes on the counter. But today, I feel kind of Wonder Womanish — pumped up and enthusiastic and ready to actually play with my children. It’s amazing! I can only assume that I feel great due to the lengthy adult conversation and social interaction.

Who knew having friends could be this much fun?

My mom sent me this list of 100 words every American high school graduate “should” know, in order to display superior command of the English language. I consider myself fairly well read but I didn’t fare so well. I’d say, about 25 of the words were familiar enough to me that I didn’t need to look them up in order to define them and use them in an everyday sentence. Maybe 10 of the words I had absolutely no idea about.

The rest fell into that grey area where you know you’ve heard them before, and can even pronounce them correctly, but can’t really put your finger on what they mean. I guessed at each one before I looked them up, and I was sort of right — in the general area — for most of them, but for at least a few I was way, way off.

I think I need a word of the day calendar!

Tonight is the season finale of House, which brings my regular TV viewing to a close for this year. Time for a little review of how my shows, as selected last summer, did this season.

On Sundays, the only show I had on the go was The Amazing Race. This year there were two complete races, one in the fall, and an all-star edition in the winter. I watched both from start to finish, but both were quite disappointing — unsatisfactory winners, and less travel porn as they seem to be running out of fabulous international destinations. It’s always a question if this show will return for another season — it has lukewarm ratings — but for me at least, it’s on probation.

Mondays this year were mostly about Heroes, a show that I love and watch faithfully. Many out there were disappointed in the season finale, but I was pretty pleased — I liked the coming together of the characters and the fact that they actually tried to close out a story arc, and set up a new one for next season. I’ll definitely be watching this one next year. As for Prison Break, I actually gave it up midway through the season, but since Sir Monkeypants was still watching it, he kept me up-to-date with little show summaries for the four or five weeks I didn’t bother to watch it. In the end, I wound up watching the last few episodes running up to the season finale. I do enjoy this show, but the season finale was unbelievably grim and scary. I didn’t like the setup for next season at all, and I was really pissed that they couldn’t let the characters be happy for ONE FREAKIN’ EPISODE. So this one is on major probation — I will probably watch the season premiere but if it isn’t offering me hope for eventual happiness, it’s out.

How I Met Your Mother, my other little Monday night diversion, is still totally on the books, however. LOVE that Barney, and yesterday, Sir Monkeypants actually suggested we call the baby “Schbotsky,” after his favourite character. I also originally claimed that I would watch Studio 60 on Mondays, but actually I think I only watched maybe one or two episodes before I fell so far behind I gave it up. Sorry, Aaron Sorkin!

Tuesdays are opening up for next year as Veronica Mars has now been officially cancelled. I also used to watch House on Tuesdays, but gave it up midway through the season as well. Just like Prison Break, however, I kept up with the goings on via Sir Monkeypants, and then returned for the last few episodes leading up to the season finale. House is definitely a show that I can take or leave, but my adoration for Hugh Laurie seriously knows no bounds, so I always enjoy watching it for his performance alone. I don’t consider myself very invested in the show but I’ll probably continue to catch it next season whenever I happen to be awake and alert and looking for some casual entertainment.

I don’t really know what I was doing with my Wednesday nights this year, as the only show I was interested in watching was Lost, and we currently have about 12 episodes sitting on our PVR waiting for me to catch up. The long break for this show between fall and spring really hurt it, for me personally, in that I just wasn’t dying to know what was going to happen when it returned. As a result I just didn’t really bother watching it. A few weeks ago we were actually considering just giving it up and wiping the PVR, but then I heard from several online and personal sources that it really picked up in the last three or four episodes. Also, the news that it has an official end date — just three more seasons of 16 episodes each — makes me more interested in following it through to its conclusion. So, catching up with Lost will probably be one of our summer projects, and then we’ll tune in when it returns next winter.

On Thursdays, I gave Ugly Betty a fair shot but it was just too fluffy and repetitive to hold my interest. I also gave up Survivor, something I thought would never happen, but it does appear that our breakup is final and lasting. So for Thursdays, that just leaves Grey’s Anatomy, a show which I am still loyal to and will definitely be faithfully tuning in to in the fall. I can’t really explain why such a soapy, silly show holds my interest, but I love the characters and I love the banter and I love the surface-level medicine, and it’s all good and juicy and occasionally makes me cry. I can’t say it’s the best show I’ve ever watched but it’s probably the one I look forward to the most every week.

And Fridays and Saturdays are still a total TV dead zone.

So with VM cancelled, Survivor dropped, and Prison Break, House, and The Amazing Race on probation and likely to be dropped, that leaves lots of room in my schedule for next year. Only Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, Lost, and Grey’s are guaranteed to return. Luckily all of the studios have announced really interesting and cool-looking stuff for the fall, and I can’t wait to put together my new schedule later this summer.

As an interesting aside, Sinnick asked me if I was planning on checking out any shows this summer that I don’t usually watch, but will visit in reruns to see how they are. There are a few I am kind of interested in — Bones, The Office, and Friday Night Lights for example — but I’m surprised to find that most shows don’t bother with summer reruns anymore. Instead, all the major networks have crappy reality shows premiering this week to run over the summer months. I miss the days of NBC’s “New To You” campaign, when they tried to use the summer to woo viewers to some of their lower ranked shows that were on the cusp of renewal. Instead I guess I’ll have to be content with catching up with Lost, and watching the Sports Night DVDs Sir Monkeypants got for his birthday.

Every year, I love looking at this list of the overall TV ratings for every network show that was on the air this past year. It’s fascinating to me to see what’s popular, and what’s not. Also interesting is that if a show is in the top 25 or 30 on a major network, it is pretty assured of renewal, but below that, it’s quite likely to be cancelled…whereas, on Fox or the CW, having something ranked anywhere above 100 in the overall listings (there are 142 shows total) means that it’s a big hit.

In fact, the poor little CW has the 10 lowest ranked shows (including a few that have now been cancelled). Its biggest hit, America’s Next Top Model, is ranked 112. But I keep hopin’ for the little guy. Compare those kind of rankings with Smith, a show that was cancelled by CBS after just a few airings, but which still came in at number 44 overall. Or the much-discussed Studio 60 and Six Degrees, which came in at 61 and 68 respectively. The CW would kill for those kind of ratings, but for NBC, ABC, and CBS, a show that comes in that low on the list is a failure. Interesting.

Last night, FameThrowa came over just to hang out, and I stupidly suggested that we play some Mario Party.

So of course, I find myself still up at 11:15, shouting, “Eat, Mario, eat!!” at the TV. Will I never learn?

We were just outside playing in the backyard and the kids were engaging in one of their favourite activities, which is pulling grass out of the ground. Personally I do not see the appeal, but apparently all the cool kids are doing it these days. Anyway, I admonished them to STOP IT several times, with no real progress towards obedience, when I had my third best idea ever (after marrying Sir Monkeypants, and pairing cool whip with pancakes).

I told the kids that they could pull grass up, if it was the grass under the treehouse.

They spoke not a word, but set right to work, efficiently clearing about half of the area around the little picnic table. The Captain was especially good at it, getting several small plants by the roots. How brilliant am I?

Grass: 0, Turtleheads: 1.

The last couple of days in Ottawa it’s been 30 degrees outside, and I’ve been dying. I’ve been so freakin’ hot with this pregnancy already — I’ve been wearing t-shirts and sandals since March — but this is way over the top. I’m sweaty and gross and my ankles are so swollen, there are actual dimples where my ankle bones used to protrude. Yesterday we turned on the air conditioning and I notice the houses around us don’t seem to be running theirs yet, but screw the environment, I am a very hot and irate pregnant lady, people! Even with the air running — and our poor kids having to wear socks and sweatshirts in the house — I’m still hot. Hot hot hot.

How the hell do women in Texas or Africa or India have babies? They must be a very cranky lot.

So today I was at the park with the kids and two other moms came over to sit on my bench. One of the new moms said to the other that she looked familiar, and they quickly figured out that they both have a son of the same age that goes to W.O. Mitchell, which is the same local primary school that the Captain will be attending in September. It turns out that the two boys in question were in the same Grade 1 class — a French Immersion class. But after Grade 1, Mom1 pulled her son out of FI and put him into the English stream instead; Mom2 kept her kid in FI.

They started to talk about why Mom1 had pulled her son out, and why Mom2 had left her son in, and needless to say, I was VERY interested in this conversation. Unfortunately Mom1 clearly had a lot to say on the subject and a bit of a chip on her shoulder, so I didn’t hear too many “pro” arguments from Mom2, just a lot of ranting from Mom1. She took her son out of FI because he disliked his teacher so much that he was refusing to go to school, and when he was at school, he was refusing to speak French, even though his history of JK and SK all in French (at a different school) meant that he was already fairly familiar with the language. Since the teacher would only speak in French, though, and the kid hated it and refused to do it, there was a communication barrier that could not be overcome, so for Grade 2, they moved him into the English stream. I doubt this is a common case, but interesting nonetheless.

After listening to them talk, here are some new points I picked up:

1. Some websites I have seen advocated putting your kid in FI to “see how it goes,” and then pulling them out after a year or two if it isn’t going well. But Mom1 says that her son is so behind now in English reading and comprehension, not having had the years it takes for the FI kids to “catch up,” that he has to have remedial reading classes and finds the English stream to be pretty challenging.
2. Mom1 has her daughter in the English-only stream, and she claims that they start working on reading and spelling a year earlier — in SK, instead of mid-Grade 1. The faster start means that her daughter is now a much much better reader than her son, and is learning many things that the FI kids don’t even touch on for the first few years.
3. Mom1 mentioned briefly that the school in question is considering getting late immersion, and might have it by the time her daughter (currently in SK) hits Grade 4.

So again, more stuff to think about. Can you tell though, that I am coming down on the con side? Can ya?