When we were kids, all of my parents’ friends were “Mister” and “Missus” to us. When I hit adulthood, many of them asked me to start calling them by their first names, but there was no way I could do that. They were “Mr. Smith” and “Mrs. Jones” to me, and always would be.
In university, I met many of my friends’ parents, and they usually introduced themselves by their first names. I couldn’t do that, either, though. It just seemed unnatural. I either called them “Mister and Missus,” or, for a few parental sets that I came to know very well, I’d call them “Mom Williams” or “Dad Goodfellow.” I hope they took it in the spirit of respect that I meant it — the parents of my friends seemed to require some sort of title, and I just coudn’t go any more casual than that.
When we had kids we decided that we’d like them to call our friends by Mister and Missus, too. It was very, very strange, at first, to be referring to people we’ve seen drunk and people we’ve seen stick pennies up their nose as “Mr. Sagan.” However, we felt it was the right thing to do. Both Sir Monkeypants and I liked the idea of our kids respecting their elders — in Sir Monkeypants’ culture, it is especially important. So we forced ourselves to use the new names.
It was harder for our kids to learn, I think; Captain Jelly Belly is well entrenched in the idea now, but Gal Smiley is still getting the hang of it. Still, I think it was worthwhile; we like hearing our kids treat our friends politely, and I think it does help them to listen to other adults.
In fact, I’m so used to it now, that when friends of my kids call me “Lynn,” I find it weird. It’s not like I would correct them or anything, but it just creates an odd moment with my own kids. I can tell they are thinking, “Hm, I don’t get to call my mom Lynn.” And “Why do I have to call her mommy Mrs. Jolie, but she gets to call my mommy Lynn?”
I don’t know why, but when my own kid is screaming, “MOMMY, can I have a juice?” I can handle it so much easier than when a playdate friend screams, “LYNN, can I have a juice?” I don’t know, using my first name seems to put me at a disadvantage somehow. Like, instead of being the one in charge, I’m now just the humble serving wench. Leave your tips on the table.
I can see some reasons why using first names for other adults is just easier. If you’re meeting a bunch of new adults all at once, learning the Mister and Missus versions of their names does seem to be harder for the kids. If it’s a bunch of adults you don’t know yourself — like other parents dropping off their kids at school — maybe you don’t know their last names yourself. And very young kids — less than three — often don’t understand why one person could have more than one name.
Still.
I would say that our use of Mister and Missus puts us in a minority, but we’re definitely sticking with it. They call me Mrs. Turtlehead!
TurtleHead 