Last Friday I took the kids for a playdate with my two good friends, Andrea and Andrea. Andrea The Red has two boys and Andrea The Brown has three boys; neither one has any girls. Both of them were saying that they are often confronted by friends, family, or strangers alike who tell them that they simply MUST keep trying until they have a girl. Recently someone told Andrea The Red that if she grew old and never had a daughter, that she’d really regret it. Andrea The Brown confirmed that she gets comments like that all the time.
For the record, though, they are both quite finished with the baby having.
I didn’t say too much at the time but as a parent of both boys and girls, I must say, I emphatically disagree with these random people and their freaky attitudes. I do admit that being the parent of a girl is different than being a parent of a boy. But I think it’s being a parent, period, that is the beautiful, wonderful, crazy experience that changes you and makes you a family.
I can get that some people really feel like they want a boy or a girl because they envision the kind of activities they’ll do together, the kind of sharing they’ll do, the kind of bond they’ll have. But really, every child is their own person. If you have a baby and try to impose expectations on that relationship — we’ll play ball together! she’ll be an artist like me! he’ll be a doctor! when she grows up, we’ll bond over motherhood! — then you’re in for a heap of trouble. Maybe your son won’t like to play ball. Maybe your daughter won’t ever have children. Maybe they’ll call every day, or maybe they’ll move halfway around the world and you’ll only see them twice a year (sniff). Maybe you’ll be close with them, or maybe your personalities will clash and you’ll argue and he or she will spend their whole life making choices specifically designed to piss you off.
You never know.
So boy or girl, you just have to raise the kid you were given. Let them be the person they are going to be; get to know them and appreciate them for who they are. Build as close a relationship as you can and keep them close for as long as you can.
And love your boys or girls, and tell those other people to screw off.
TurtleHead 
When I first had Hana I used to have complete strangers tell me that I had to try again for a boy. It can be a cultural thing. I had countless older Chinese women tell me, “of course, you want to have another baby so you can have a boy”.
One time I was buying something at a store when the cashier looked at Hana and looked at me. She said, “The father’s Chinese?” I replied, “No, Japanese.” She responded with, “He wants a son next.” I told her that my husband was actually very happy to have a daughter and would be fine if our next child was a girl, too. The woman shook her head and said, “He doesn’t mean it…he wants a boy.” I just had to laugh it off…like I’m going to pay any attention to a complete stranger telling me what my husband wants?
So boy or girl, you just have to raise the kid you were given. Let them be the person they are going to be; get to know them and appreciate them for who they are. Build as close a relationship as you can and keep them close for as long as you can.
Exactly. THANK YOU!
My crazy mother always says only having one child is no good because supposing something happened to your one child, then where would you be with no back-up kids?
I HATE when people ask me (or my husband) if we are going to try for a boy (we have two girls). First of all…we are very blessed and filled with joy about the two lovely girls we have but secondly, if we did try for a boy (which we have no intentions of having another child period) is there any guarantee we would even get a boy????? Oh and don’t get me started on the ‘million dollar family’ shit that people say…grrrrr. sorry bit of pms here.
Yep. I did a girl, a boy and then another girl. All were planned, wanted and are very loved. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if my youngest was a ‘mistake’. I mean we had one of each, why would we want another?
Stupid people do it in front of her too. Grrrrr.
i have met people such as these people who make this comments. i always have to think that they simple don’t think before they speak – extroverts to the extreme. it’s rude. simply rude. god only knows if there are reason why they are not perhaps having that boy…maybe there are medical issues. who knows.
i agree. cherish the one(s) you have. it’s not always greener.
Ohmygosh, Leanne! I can’t believe people ask you if your daughter was a mistake. That is so rude!
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This virtual event is taking place on December 16th 2008.
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A & J
That is so crazy. I have two boys and I would love to have a daughter. But of course there is a 50/50 chance I will get a boy (If we even go for the third) and I would be TOTALLY happy with a boy. I love my boys! It is about family, not about what sex they are… People are so RUDE.