We’re committed to raising our kids with a positive body image, and that means teaching them all the proper names for their parts and talking openly and honestly about bodily functions. They know The Difference Between Boys and Girls. They know that some parts are private, only for them to touch, and that some…ahem…activities are only to be done in their room.
Gal Smiley and Captain Jelly Belly lived through my pregnancy with Little Miss Sunshine, so they know all about babies growing in a mommy’s tummy and the whole idea of childbirth. They know that the doctors at the hospital had to cut my belly open to get the Little Miss out. The other day, Gal Smiley told me that she didn’t want to ever have a baby, because she didn’t want her tummy to be cut open. I hesitated for a minute, then I told her that often, babies come out through their mommy’s vagina. Was that too much information? The Captain was nearby, and both the older kids found this new information to be fantastic, in all senses of the word — magical and unbelievable and so very cool.
So shortly after this conversation, Gal Smiley started asking all kinds of questions about conception. “Mommy, when I was a baby I was in your tummy, but how did I get in there?” This has been going on for a while now and Sir Monkeypants and I really tend to beat around the bush — I think the official story these days is, “We asked the doctor if we could have a baby and she said yes so she put one in there.” I feel kind of uncomfortable fibbing on this front, but at the same time, it’s a fine line between truth and horror. I had absolutely no idea what sex was all about for years, and when I finally found out — from a video we watched in Grade 7 health, GRADE SEVEN, people — I was shocked and astonished and totally grossed out. The man puts his WHAT? WHERE? Ew.
I was so horrified I rushed right home and told FameThrowa the big news, and she was only in Grade 2. She says she had nightmares afterwards and was probably scarred for life. So needless to say, I do not wish to make the same mistake with my four-year-old daughter. But I don’t really want to lie to her, either. Maybe if I break the news now, it won’t be as shocking? Should I? Hm.
In somewhat related news, there are also lots of questions these days, now that I’ve weaned the Little Miss, about a lady’s…ahem…time of the month. During toilet training days I had an open door policy when it came to using the bathroom, but now that I’m back to the world of feminine hygiene products, I’d like a little privacy. I can use “penis” and “vagina” freely in everyday conversation, but the blood thing is just one thing I do not feel comfortable talking about. Unfortunately, I’m finding it hard to go back. The kids are on to me — they’ve seen the supplies — and when I lock the bathroom door, I’m afraid I am freaking them out or worrying them because they think I am sick. I don’t want them to be upset or think that it’s something bad or shameful…but I just don’t feel like explaining, either.
I don’t want my kids to find out about this stuff from kids on the playground at school. On the other hand, I don’t want my kids to be the kids on the playground handing out the information, either. “My mommy says that sex is when a man puts his penis in a lady’s vagina!! GROSS!”
And then I get some very irate phone calls.
And here I thought I’d have at least four or five more years before we were into the birds and the bees. What the hell are we going to talk about when they turn 13?
TurtleHead 
This is a fascinating topic for me. I’d really like to see our kids grow up without a lot of these kinds hangups but it almost seems inevitable — no matter which way you turn, there always seems to be a downside.
I remember in particular when I asked my parents where my little sister came from, and somehow lost in the translation was the fact that conception happens many months before delivery and outside of the hospital. I had this mental image that my parents decided to have a child, went to the hospital, did something that involved being naked horizontal and close (on the floor, in full view of some hospital staff for some reason), and then later that day the baby came.
Am I scarred for life because of that? I don’t think so. Still, I’d like to do better with my kids.
I think a big barrier to all of this, though, is that though we may think of ourselves as enlightened, we still have a lot of our own hangups. It requires a great deal of thought and mental clarity to find the right path here. Maybe you should write a book!
My kids (3 and 5) know the correct name of all the body parts but both prefer to refer to them by the ‘pet’ names we also use (there have been plenty of times I’m glad they do like in the grocery store or at the library ya know?). They know that most people don’t use the pet names, they know the whole bit about their privates and how they are private yadda yadda yadda. They know that some babies are born via c-sec and others vaginally because my first was born vaginally and second via c-sec leaving behind the incision and scar. They love to talk about how one came from my vagina and the other from my belly…one head first the other bum first! They know that a man and woman have to ‘decide’ to have a baby (thankfully they accept that as enough information for the time being). My oldest knows that once a month women mestruate (we use that word did I spell it correctly jeez?) and that involves blood, and that maxi pads/tampons are used and that Mommy would like some privacy so please go. I have answered their questions with as much honesty and as simply as possible…less is more right? I’m proud of the way I’ve handled things so far. I think that it’s important for kids to have their questions answered, it’s all natural so why hide it right?
I always answered any questions my daughter had as truthfully as possible couched in terms appropriate for her age. Most of the answers don’t register anyway since she kept asking the same questions year after year. When she asked how she got into my tummy in the first place I think I said something about love and wanting a baby and maybe seeds and eggs…. you can answer questions truthfully without getting too graphic. They’ll only ask what they’re ready to hear. The scarring for life comes when they’re older and haven’t been told anything up until then
It’s been a while, so I can’t recall all of the nightmares, but I do remember that a long-standing one was that I’d have to have sex one day, and the guy would forget to hit his mental switch and end up peeing inside me instead of ejaculating. Gross. Fortunately that hasn’t happened. Yet. 🙂