So yesterday Sir Monkeypants took Captain Jelly Belly for his allergist appointment. And you’ll never guess what.

HE IS ALLERGIC TO MILK.

I actually cried when Sir Monkeypants came home with the news. Tears of joy. I mean, it’s not great that he’s allergic to milk, but DEAR GOD, the relief, the incredible relief, at finally being validated in the medical community. We are not crazy! We actually do know our son! Our instincts were right!

And heaven came down and the angels sang.

I’m so very proud of Sir Monkeypants. We had made this appointment because we knew, we KNEW, that the Captain was milk-allergic, not just “sensitive,” not just “lactose intolerant,” as our allergist had suggested in the past. We did not know why he kept passing the skin-prick test with flying colours, but we saw what happened to him when he drank milk or ate cheese, and it was not pretty. So we made yet another appointment, determined not to leave until we had found something new, SOME sort of answer.

Our allergist — and note here, he is the top children’s allergist in Canada — tried very, very hard to convince Sir Monkeypants that he was nuts. He pointed out how many times the Captain had been tested in the past. We wanted a blood test, this time, instead; our allergist said that the blood test wasn’t any more definitive than the prick test. He thought maybe the Captain was repeatedly throwing up due to “mood swings.” Or maybe “to get attention.”

Sir Monkeypants gritted his teeth and soldiered on.

Finally our allergist suggested that we could redo the prick test, but this time, instead of using their clear liquid sample from the office (which is a sterilized, purified solution of some, but not all, milk proteins), we use real milk. Sir Monkeypants went down to the cafeteria in the building and actually bought a little carton of milk, then he brought it back upstairs and they dropped it on the Captain’s arm and pricked him.

AND HE IS TOTALLY ALLERGIC TO MILK.

(Excuse me while I have another little cry.)

So apparently this means that either he is allergic to one of the rarer milk proteins, or it means that the process of sterilizing the milk sample neutralizes whatever he is allergic to. This may mean that he can tolerate some milk products in the future that have been “sterilized” (I’m not clear right now on how that differs from “pasteurized,” which I think all milk already is) — evaporated milk is one such “sterilized” product, apparently.

But for now, it’s no more milk, at all. We aren’t totally insane, so already it’s been at least a couple of years since we just handed over a cup of milk. But we were allowing him to have things that “may contain milk,” and also things like instant oatmeal and granola bars that list “milk ingredients” way down the line as a very small amount ingredient. Also, after every allergist appointment, during which our allergist assured us that he was absolutely NOT allergic to milk, and that he totally NEEDED milk to grow, we’d usually cave and let him have a little cheese, or ice cream, or yogurt, which would not go well.

Thankfully I actually already made the decision (thanks to XUP’s advice) to completely remove all milk from his diet a few weeks ago, even trace amounts. So he’s already on the road to recovery.

And know how I know that? Yesterday he had to poop, and he excitedly called me to the bathroom to see it, because it was NORMAL. A totally normal, cigar-shaped, single-entity poop. You have no idea what a big deal that is, to me and to him. I actually cried, AGAIN, over poop.

It’s been quite a ride. Hopefully this is where we get off.