Last night Sir Monkeypants was watching this new reality show called The Baby Borrowers, while I enriched my mind by reading a book on the couch and only occasionally glancing at the TV. To be polite. Because I have my standards, and while American Gladiators may make the cut I do have to draw the line somewhere.

(Of course, I will totally be watching Baby Borrowers next week. Sigh.)

Anyway, it’s a show about five teenaged couples who “borrow” a baby for three days. Most of the girls are in it because they think they are ready to have kids and want to see what it is like. Most of the boys are in it because they think this little experiment will demonstrate to their girlfriends that they are NOT, in fact, at all ready.

I think this show is aimed at kids, to show them that they probably shouldn’t be procreating just yet, and also at parents, who can look back and laugh at those tough first few days with a baby when you had no idea what you were doing.

But I have to say, all Sir Monkeypants and I wondered about is…what kind of parents could give up their baby to strangers for THREE DAYS?

We just couldn’t get over it. When the parents showed up to hand over their babies — ranging in age from about 7 months to 11 months — they seemed normal. They seemed like good moms and dads. But I cannot imagine any circumstances under which I would be willing to let unknown teens take care of my baby for three whole days. There’s nothing they could offer me, NOTHING.

The show tries to make it easier for the parents by having a full-time nanny in the house, monitoring the situation, able to intervene should anything life-threatening come up. The parents themselves are able to watch their babies at all times via video surveillance, and if the parents feel like they need to get in there, they can walk over and speak to the teens and/or comfort their babies as needed.

They didn’t specifically say this but I assume that they are also getting some sort of financial incentives. I imagine the show is going to pay for all of those babies to go to college, or maybe for a lifetime’s worth of health insurance.

BUT STILL.

When those five families marched over with their babies and handed them over, and then walked away with empty strollers and slings…I just about cried.

Am I a scary, overprotective mom? Am I one of those moms whose whole life is her kids and who will be hovering over them their whole lives, calling them up when they are grown adults to tell them to wear boots on a snowy day? Am I a CRAZY MOMMY?

I like to think it’s the TV mommys who are out of whack. Truth be told, “healthy” probably falls somewhere in the middle.

It’s interesting watching this show as a parent because my sympathies are totally and completely with the parents of the babies, not the teens. The teens can suck it, for all I care. They’re stressed because their borrowed babies are crying, or because their partner isn’t doing their share, or they can’t figure out how to put the crib together — TOO BAD. The parents have to sit in a little room and watch their kid cry for hours because you don’t know how to feed them, how to change them, how to PUT JAMMIES ON THEM AT BEDTIME.

It’s really quite excruciating to watch, and it’s not even my own baby. I don’t know how the parents are standing it.

Three of the parents felt the need to intervene yesterday — they went over to the house to offer advice on how to stop the baby from crying. In all cases I thought their visits were more than justified — hell, I would have been over there kicking ass myself after about three minutes of listening to Little Miss Sunshine cry.

Naturally the lectured teens were not so welcoming of the advice. One girl in particular got super sulky and refused to have anything more to do with the baby, leaving her boyfriend to handle the baby exclusively. Not very mature, but I have to say I have been there myself, and not too many years ago, either. I don’t react well to criticism, even the constructive kind, and I’m am quite prone to overreact and spend the whole day pouting.

BUT STILL. Sympathies? With the parent. GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED AND CARE FOR THAT BABY.

It’s fascinating to me how much being a parent has changed my entire reaction to the world. My emotional responses and my judgments of other people are all 100% informed by the fact that I have children. It’s scary sometimes but there is nothing I can do to change it — I am a mommy, it’s who I am, more than anything else.

There was a time when I thought I didn’t want to have kids, ever. I was afraid of the responsibility, afraid of the constant worry, afraid of how my life would change. So when I did have kids, I swore I’d never be one of those parents who was all, “Oh, you’ll never understand until you have kids! You should have a few! It’s so great!” Because I’d remember that I wasn’t sure about having kids myself, and that it isn’t the right choice for everyone.

I still stand by that — kids are not for everyone, as this show is trying to illustrate — but it is so true that you can’t understand what it means to be a parent until you are one. Your own kids will never understand the parental point of view until they are right there in it themselves.

It’ll be interesting to see if the teens on this show gain any real understanding of how being a parent changes your whole way of thinking. I think they’ll have the crap scared out of them in terms of the work involved, but will they really learn about how you have to adapt your thoughts so that your kid always comes first?

I guess I’ll have to keep watching to find out. DAMMIT.