Do you know what five-year-old boys like to talk about?

Poop. Poop and eyeballs. Eyeballs, poop, and butts.

Typical daily conversation:

Gal Smiley: Can we do colouring? I’m going to draw a rainbow.
Captain Jelly Belly: I’m going to draw EYEBALLS. BLEEDING EYEBALLS.

Also typical:

Me: Captain, come for dinner.
Captain Jelly Belly: You have POO in your BUM! POOPY POOPY BUM!
Me: Very nice, eat your carrots.
Captain Jelly Belly: POOPY STINKY BUTT BUTT!

I keep trying to remind myself that this is just typical five-year-old stuff, but man, does scatalogical humour ever get old fast. On the other hand, I guess this explains how Adam Sandler continues to make movies that sell tickets — the five-year-old audience is growing all the time.

The other day I took the kids to a petting zoo that is just a few minutes from our house for the day. While there, we saw a goat pooping. Its bum was facing us so it was a pretty graphic view. I think it was possibly the best time ever in the Captain’s short life.

Last night while brushing his teeth:

Captain Jelly Belly: Remember when we were at the farm, and we saw that goat POOP? OUT HIS BUTT?
Me: Yes, yes I do.
Captain Jelly Belly: When the poo came out, it looked JUST LIKE EYEBALLS.

Wake me when he’s six.