I am so very, very cranky this morning. It’s one of those days where I hover right on the edge of hysteria all day, I can tell. Every little thing is bugging me far out of proportion to the offense. Anyone who calls my house today trying to sell me something better WATCH OUT.
I really hate the fact that I never get any private bathroom time anymore. Someday I’d like to be able to shower and get dressed without being peppered with a million questions. “Why are you putting that on? What is that stuff? Can I have some? Why are you doing that? Why do you have big ones, and I only have small ones? Why do you have so much hair? Was that sound the sound of poo?” I feel desperately in need of a little personal space, so BACK OFF, kid.
I really hate the fact that our backyard is a total mess and we haven’t seen the patio guys in two weeks now. They lost the window of time they had set aside to finish up our patio due to the rain a few weeks back, and now they are tied up in other projects. We don’t know when they’ll have time to come back and finish our job. Even though we knew that was the deal when we hired them — they fit in jobs like ours around their main job, which is doing patios under contract for a pool company — we’re getting a little pissed. Actually, this morning, I am upgrading to a lot pissed. There’s tools and rebar and deep holes all over the backyard, which makes it very hard for the kids to play back there safely, which means we are stuck in the house every time the Wee One has a nap, and it may as well be wintertime for all the outdoor playing we are doing. All the crap all over is also making it impossible to take care of the lawn — we can’t cut it or fertilize or anything else.
And speaking of that, I really hate our lawn and all grass in general. Our lawn is a mess of weeds and bare patches and frankly, it looks like ass, but due to the patio work we can’t take any drastic steps right now. Personally I would like to rip it all out and then throw it against a wall and then stomp on it a bunch and then feed it through a wood chipper, and then pave over everything that used to be a dandelion field. But that’s probably just the bitchiness talking.
I really hate the fact that more than half the houses on our street now have pools, or are getting one this summer (three more going in on the street as we speak!). What the hell is this, Los Angeles? Actually, it’s not the pools themselves that I hate, it’s that I totally blame them for having standing water in the spring, which has led to there being approximately ONE BILLION mosquitoes on our street. The other night I walked out to get the mail from our Super! mailbox at dusk, and there were hundreds of mosquitoes swarming around my head. You probably think I am exaggerating but I am not — it was like a scene from The Birds only it would have been called The Mosquitoes. I was actually afraid to breathe because I thought for sure I would suck a few of them up into my nose, that’s how thick they were around my head. I’m trying to raise the kids not to have an irrational fear of bugs but I hate mosquitoes, they give me the heebie jeebies, and incidents like this do not help. On Wednesday I walked home from MyFriendJen’s house after book club, which is a distance of about six houses, and I got SIX mosquito bites in that time. Mosquitoes SUCK, and pools SUCK, and anyone else with standing water SUCKS.
At least it’s garbage day. And I have last night’s Don’t Forget The Lyrics on the PVR. Time to turn this day around.
TurtleHead 
I wonder if a billion is actually an exaggeration.
And I have last night’s Don’t Forget The Lyrics on the PVR.
I watched this last night. The idea is really cool, and I think I might win some money on the show (though I bet you’d win a lot more). But I found it unwatchable for a couple of reasons. First, the fake drama and suspense just about drove me nuts — I was watching it live and I kept flipping over to The Office during the artificial pauses. In the end I got most of The Office and only a little of DFTL. Of course on PVR you can just skip over all of that nonsense. But the worst part was having to watch Wayne Brady host it; he is so talented, and he deserves a much better vehicle than a cheesy hyped-up game show.
I love Lyrics, but I think I would suck at it — you would do so much better. Although I have a good memory for lyrics, my musical knowledge in general is very limited. Usually on a given show it’s divided about 50-50 between songs I know so well that I can sing the whole thing, and songs I have never heard of. In categories like R&B or Country or (sadly!) Rock, it’s very easy for them to produce two songs, neither of which I have ever heard of, and so…game over.
I totally would have won the million dollars last night, though. I ROCKED that Milli Vanilli song :).
I agree with you about Wayne Brady, too. It always surprises me that some people think he’s kind of a no-talent ass clown. I think he’s fabulously talented and super cute. I miss his talk show.
I always watch Lyrics on the PVR only, due to its slow pace. I like to just jump ahead to the song choice, and then the singing of the song. Then, it’s jump jump jump to the right answer and on to the next song. I can’t watch it live unless I’m doing something else too, like surfing or reading a magazine.
There’s another similar lyrics show called The Singing Bee you might like better. It takes six contestants from the audience and they compete against each other, elimination style, in just a half hour show. So, there’s hardly time to even learn their first names before we are off and singing. I don’t like it as much, though, for two reasons — first of all, it’s aiming for a young audience, so most of the songs are from the past five years, a total black hole in my musical knowledge. Secondly, the songs come at you so quickly — it’s usually just a line or two before the fill-in-the-blank part — that there’s no time to really enjoy the song. When a song comes up that I do know, I like to do a little at-home rendition of the whole thing before moving on to my next number :).