The social interactions of five-year-old boys are very mysterious.

The other day I was walking with the kids to the park, and we had to pass by the house of Rocker, who is a boy in Captain Jelly Belly’s class. Rocker was in the backyard and saw us walk by his fence (he has a corner lot), and started to yell out, “Hi, Captain! Captain! Over here! Hi! Hi! Hi!”

The Captain just walked on by, looking around all, “Ho hum, nice day, I wonder what we’ll do at the park, and what is that weird yelling sound?”

So I said, “Um, don’t you want to say hi to your friend Rocker?”

The Captain turns around and casually, very quietly, says, “Oh, hi Rocker.” Then he continues walking like he’s Tom Cruise and a non-Scientologist was trying to catch his attention. No interest here, buddy! Move along!

On the way home from the park, Rocker had moved out to his front driveway. Again he rushes over to the Captain calling, “Hey, Captain! This is my house! Want to see what we’re doing? Want to play with us?”

And the Captain walks on by like he doesn’t even know the kid. I actually thought that I must have the wrong house, and this kid must be some random Joe who the Captain did not actually know at all, who just happened to correctly guess his name. So once we’d moved on I asked the Captain if he actually knew that boy, and what does the Captain say? “Oh yeah, that’s Rocker from my class.”

I felt terrible! Since when are we raising a snubber? Since when am I forced to describe my son by likening him to Tom Cruise?? We have a problem!

Today all the kids woke up really, really early, so we weren’t as rushed in the morning as usual. decided to walk with the Captain to school.

On the way they passed Rocker’s house. Rocker was already out on the road, walking on his way to school.

This time, Captain JB was all, “Hey! Hey Rocker! ROCKER!! Hi!!”

And Rocker was like, “Did you say something to me? Do I know you?”

So apparently, the Captain is nothing more than a normal five-year-old boy. And apparently, the proper way to greet a friend who is accosting you with HI! and HOW ARE YOU! is to ignore it, and pretend that it just never happened.

Who knew.