And The Olympic Gold Goes To…TurtleHead!

On By LynnIn TurtleHead

I’m still feeding the Wee One in the middle of the night, but good news! She’s down to just one or two parties a night now, knock wood. No more going to Brooklyn!*

Usually as part of the night feed I change her diaper. She’s fussy and wanting to eat and go back to sleep so a quick, smooth diaper change is essential. I like to pretend that it’s an Olympic sport, and I am the awesomest diaper changer that ever awesomed. To perk myself up I give myself a little bit of Olympic-style commentary.


“See that move there, where she pulls up the back of the diaper for a nice, snug fit? That’s her signature move right there, the judges love that. They actually call that ‘The TurtleHead.’ Some of the younger competitors are trying it now but no one can do it like the original.”

“Oooh, a squirm from the baby…and she shuts it down! That’s years of experience right there, Jim. One swift elbow and that baby is contained. Let’s see that on the replay.”

“Now it’s time for the critical close and exit move. She’s using a new kind of sleeper on the circuit this year, specially designed for her by Nike. It’s a little controversial as it drops to just two snaps per leg from the usual three. Oh, and she nails it! The new sleeper has easily let her take two seconds off of her world record time!”

“Obviously it’s a huge advantage to be able to train with your own baby, so people have already been making noise that this season will be her last. But this contest shows that she’s still at the very top of her game. If and when she retires, it’ll be a great loss for Canadian sport.”

* From a 30 Rock episode in which Liz Lemon has lied about her age and now is dating a much younger man; he suggests that after the art gallery opening that they hit a dance club and then an after-hours bar and then a house party in Brooklyn. Liz: “I’m 37! Please don’t make me go to Brooklyn!” It’s a common bedtime request around here.

6 thoughts on “And The Olympic Gold Goes To…TurtleHead!”

  4. capnplanet's avatar capnplanet

    Hilarious! While I don’t consider myself an Olympic-caliber diaper-changer, I do recall that when Mr Excitement was much younger I would often volunteer to do the diaper changes whenever the need arose, because I was able to manage him so much better than or her mother. Perhaps I imagined myself more like a superhero — “Stand back, ladies! This is a job for DiaperMan!”.

  5. Pingback: Happy New Year « TurtleHead

Comments are closed.