This is going to sound strange, but I would like to thank the show So You Think You Can Dance for turning a bad memory into a good memory.

When I was young, my dad travelled a lot for work; he was a salesman and had to go to conferences and various other cities to meet with clients. It started out as a three-day trip here and there, but by the time I was around 10 years old, he was going away for weeks at a time. By the time I was 12, he would only be home for maybe three or four days a month.

When he was home, my parents fought a lot, but I didn’t really think about this too much. A pre-teen is really wrapped up in her own little world, and the daily dramas of being unpopular and who said what to whom at school were more than enough to fill my head. I had homework and trying to get enough bathroom time (four sisters, one bathroom) on my mind, and although it was scary when they fought, I never really thought much about the possible consequences of our situation.

One time, when I was about 13 years old — this would be just a few months before my parents split up for good — I was sitting in the living room with my dad and my older sister. We were all listening to the radio and my dad said he was trying to find out the name of a certain song he had heard that he really liked. Since SocialButterfly and I were teenagers, he tried to describe it to us — a “rock song with a real heavy beat,” but I thought there was no way we would possibly listen to the same music as our father, like, did he even know which station was CKOC? So I didn’t think too hard.

And then he said, “All the young people up at the cottage were listening to it.”

And my life changed forever.

The cottage he was referring to belonged to my grandparents and was up at Wasaga Beach (still is, but I don’t believe it is in the family any longer). We used to go up for a week or two every summer with our parents. I thought that was the only time we went there all year.

But here was my dad saying, ever so casually — it’s clear he thought we already knew — that he had been up at the cottage, when he was supposedly away on business. Hanging out with mysterious young people. Having a little vacation, instead of coming home to see us. Choosing, after already been apart from us for weeks, to spend more time away from us, with other people I didn’t know.

I just couldn’t believe it. Why didn’t he want to come home? I was hurt, and scared, and suddenly, the world didn’t seem so safe anymore.

Then the song in question came on the radio. It was “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)” by the Eurythmics. My dad was happy to hear it. I wasn’t. It became a song that was strongly associated with one of the worst memories of my life, a moment when I realised that things were going to change, and not for the better. All this time, I’ve never been able to listen to it without feeling sad. It’s safe to say that I hate that song.

Or at least, I used to.

This past summer, I got really into So You Think You Can Dance. After the C-section I had with the Wee One, I had to spend a lot of time lying around, and SYTYCD is quite safe to watch during the day in front of the kids, so I watched a lot of it. I think I watched every episode at least twice, and maybe three times. It became known as “Mommy’s Dancing Show” and sometimes, Gal Smiley and the Captain would even ask for it.

Close to the end of the season, two of my favourite dancers did a fantastic, mind-blowing number set to Sweet Dreams. It was so good, and I loved it so much, that I watched it over and over and over. They repeated the number in the season finale, and I’ve kept that finale kicking around on our PVR so I can rewatch it any time I want.

And then, Sir Monkeypants made a CD of hits from the 80s to listen to in the car, and he put Sweet Dreams on it. He played it in the car for the first time when he took the older kids camping by himself, and when Sweet Dreams came on, there was a lot of excitement in the back seat. Mommy’s Song! From Mommy’s Dance Show! Mommy! Turn it up!

Now the kids love that song, because they associate it with me, and a show that made me happy and always put me in a good mood. For them, this song is a joyful memory that reminds them of a happy time.

And I didn’t think it was at all possible, but now I have completely changed my opinion of the song. I can hear it now and I feel…okay. I think of my own kids and how awesome they are. I think about great dancing and how my kids love stuff that I love just because I love it and they love me and it’s one big lovefest.

So thank you, So You Think You Can Dance, for erasing something bad and replacing it with something good. I can’t wait until next season.