The results from the repeat ultrasound I had a couple of weeks ago are in, and my doctor called me personally to let me know that my fluid level is really high. That’s doctor speak for, “You are too big,” which is person speak for, “Hey lady, would it kill you to take a pass on the doughnuts every now and again?” Because seriously, I cannot stay away from the food. Sir Monkeypants has nicknamed me “The Hoover” because if there’s food lying around, you can bet that I’m gonna eat it. Everything the kids leave behind on their plates…everything that would have become leftovers in another place, another time…instead, goes into my tummy.

My weight gain this time around is on par with, or maybe even a bit less than, my first two pregnancies, but the problem is the kind of food I’m eating. Whereas before I used to eat whole grain toast and apples and yogurt, these days I’m into pop tarts and hot dogs and chocolate chip muffins. Last Saturday, we were at a birthday party all afternoon, and so accordingly I ate a huge bowl of chips, several deep-fried appetizer-like things, and a huge slice of cake. Then I came home and had a quick “dinner” of plain spaghetti noodles (leftover from the kids), and then, it was poker night…so that meant another big plate of chips, cheese dip, cool whip, and these yummy mini-Rolo candies that I totally cannot get enough of. Thank God for the pregnancy pants!

Yesterday when I was pushing the kids on the swings, Captain Jelly Belly would accidentally bump into my big belly on every backswing. I’ve given up worrying if this will cause our baby to emerge with a really, really flat head, but I can’t deny that it seems to be a bad sign when it comes to size. I have to actually stand sideways now, to be able to reach out to push the swings without having full belly contact. I’ve been kind of treating this pregnancy as my last chance to eat everything I’ll ever want to eat, as after this (and the nursing cycle…God, the food required by a nursing woman is so scary, I may have to ask Sir Monkeypants to hide the children) I’ll be back on my “healthy weight for life” plan, which involves lots and lots of celery, and not so much Rolos. But with nine weeks still to go, and lots of swinging in my future…I guess I could maybe, on occasion, pass up the Pop Tarts for some extra milk.

With strawberry syrup in it. Mmmm.