Captain Jelly Belly is really, really into following rules. This is usually a pretty good thing, as once he knows what we expect of him, we can trust him to follow our wishes exactly to the letter. I can leave him alone with markers or paint and I never have to worry about him colouring on the table or the walls. I can take Gal Smiley upstairs for a nap and I never have to worry that the Captain has let himself out of the house, or is emptying the cutlery drawer, or is eating pennies. He’d never dream of touching our stereo equipment and he always reminds us to buckle his seat belt if he has been sitting in the car for three nanoseconds without us getting around to it.

Here’s an classic example of CJB rule following. Last night we brought out his Spiderman PJs, which he hasn’t worn all winter since they are a lightweight, springtime kind of pyjama. He was so excited — he’s really into superheroes now — and he played Spiderman all last evening and this morning. This morning when it was time to get dressed, convinced him, after a lot of effort, to take off the PJs and put on clothes, by explaining that his clothes were his “Peter Parker” undercover outfit.

Then, after had gone to work, CJB came to me very tentatively and asked if please, please, would it be alright if he pretended to be Spiderman, even though he had a Peter Parker outfit on? And I said, of course, dear, you can pretend to be Spiderman anytime! He was just so happy to hear that pretending to be Spiderman fit inside the rules, and zoomed off to fight the Green Goblin. Here is a little boy who is going to do very well in the highly structured environment of school.

Lately, CJB’s desire to adhere to the rules has caused friction between him and Gal Smiley. GS is not so into the rules — she’s much more curious and adventuresome, and likes to test boundaries. As a result, she can give CJB a heart attack just with the most innocent of actions — daring to take her juice cup onto the new couch, for example, or boldly taking three or four steps off of the front mat while wearing shoes. CJB usually freaks out at these occasions, certain that GS is facing certain doom, either because the breaking of a rule means imminent danger, or because the breaking of a rule means incurring the wrath of Mommy and Daddy. When CJB has to sit on the naughty step — which he hasn’t had to do for ages and ages — he wails and cries like the end of the world is near, and requires a huge amount of consoling afterwards. GS, on the other hand, sits there happily chatting to herself, and doesn’t seem to care at all if she is ever allowed to get up.

CJB also loves to make up rules for GS to follow, and then she pays him no mind at all, which causes him to stress out even more. When they’re playing together, he’ll say stuff like, “No, Gal Smiley! You can’t put the blue car on the blue couch, only on the black couch!” or maybe, “Gal Smiley! If you are pretending to be Woody, you can only jump on the red pillows, not the green ones!” They’re completely random rules, and he would be so much happier if he didn’t make them, because GS is only going to break them anyway, but he can’t seem to stop himself.

It’s a fine line, as a mom, to know what to do here. Sometimes I intervene, because I don’t want CJB to get too upset for no good reason, and I don’t like the way he tries to control their play and boss GS around. But on the other hand, I don’t want to be constantly policing their social interaction, because they have to learn for themselves how to play nicely together. GS is usually pretty easy going with The Little Rulemaker, so they play together very well, but when she wants to do her own thing, they often dissolve into a big fight. I’ll step in if pushing and shoving is involved (usually, only on GS’s side, because CJB knows that pushing and hitting is AGAINST THE RULES, JESUS). But when they’re just playing, I try to stay out of it as much as I can stand, and just let them be who they are going to be.

I guess in the end, that’s the hardest job a parent will ever have — stepping back and letting their kids find their own way. The desire to do everything for them is really tempting. At least with CJB around, I don’t have to worry too much about anyone getting in trouble — he’ll be right there to make a citizen’s arrest.