I sometimes fantasize about going on What Not To Wear. Aw, who am I kidding — I fantasize about it all the time. I hate my current wardrobe, mostly because I’ve watched enough episodes of the show to now realise that everything I’ve been wearing in the past is completely unsuitable for my figure and totally the wrong size. That $5000 they give you on the show would really come in handy a year from now, when I plan on burning most of my existing wardrobe (and all my maternity wear) and replacing it with fabulous Yummy Mummy fashions. Plus, I would definitely give up a whole week’s worth of desserts just to have my hair cut by Nick, the show’s stylist, who always manages to find a hairdo for everyone that is lovely and totally suited to their lifestyle.
But one thing that makes me nervous, even in my little fantasy world, is having my makeup done. The show’s makeup lady, Carmandy, is fine and everything, but I just know I would be one of those people who are uber crabby on the show in this segment, complaining about how much I hate makeup and the feeling of stuff on my face and generally looking my What Not To Wear gift horse in the mouth. And then everyone would be like, “I saw you on TV! You were a supercrank to Carmandy, bitca.”
I have never been a makeup fan and my whole life I’ve been a totally naked face kind of girl. In high school, my other friends would sneak makeup into their backpacks so they could glam up at school. Meanwhile, my mom was putting blush and eyeshadow into my bag, saying, “Why don’t you put a little rouge on your cheeks? You look like death warmed over!” By the age of 16 I’d accumulated the basics — foundation, coverup, blush, lipstick, and eyeshadow — purely on a hand-me-down basis from my older sister. I had one of each type of thing, and I’d wear it maybe two or three times a year. If my mom begged.
These days I’m on a similar timeline. The only day of the year that I’m guaranteed to have makeup on is the Saturday in October when my friends Mike and Mike host their annual semi-formal wine and cheese party. This year for that party, FameThrowa came over to do my makeup, and left me with some new eyeshadows and foundation products that she was done with. I used the new stuff to replace the exact same set of makeup I’d had since high school. Which, you will remember, I also inherited from a sister. I think maybe I bought some nail polish once. Other than that, it’s possible I have never been in the makeup section of a drugstore. No wonder I’m known for my glamour!
Lately I’ve become a little more interested in makeup, probably again thanks to What Not To Wear, as Carmandy is finally helping me learn the basic makeup application techniques that most girls learned in grade 8. So on Friday, for our anniversary, I actually wore a little makeup, even though we were only going to the movies. And you know what? I looked pretty cute. And not in a whore-y kind of way, either. In a way that said, “I am an adult woman and I actually know where the apples of my cheeks are.” Fabulous!
Today, MyFriendJen was hosting a sort-of shopping party where a friend of hers, who makes custom-order pants, was showing off her wares. Even though I am not going to spring for custom-made pants in my current state of a 42-inch waistline, I went along for the social side of things, and also the promise of good cookies (and Jen did not disappoint in this area — I’m sure I’m up to a 44-inch waistline now). Since it was a clothing shopping party, I decided to a) wear a bracelet — holy fashionista!, and b) break out the makeup for an unprecidented second time in one week. And I looked so cute, actually accused me of glowing. Me! A glowing pregnant lady!
If this keeps up, I’ll be a total diva in no time.
TurtleHead 
Everything I learned about make-up I learned from Glamour. I read Glamour a lot in high school; working at the library has the perk of essentially free magazine subscriptions. Anyway, Glamour was great about teaching what make up to buy and how to apply it. Fitness has a little bit on make-up, but not nearly enough to train a beginner.
So consider going to the library sometime and getting a bunch of issues of Glamour to see what they say. It’s true that make-up trends change, but basic application stays pretty much the same.
Another good option is to go to a make-up artist (usually at salons, sometimes at department stores). You can’t go to just anyone though since there are tonnes of crap make-up artists out there. But if you can find a good one, they can show you some basics and help pick out good colours. That’s why my eye shadow (when I wear it) looks so great now. I was using totally wrong colours and not applying it correctly either. I happened upon a knowledgable girl at the MAC counter at The Bay who really helped.
I don’t really wear make up anymore, just foundation under my eyes (looks more natural than concealer), medicated concealer (the same one I gave you) on my acne and then I curl my eye lashes. I read once that if you do nothing else before you leave the house, curl your eye lashes. I never used to, but it’s really true: curling your eye lashes makes your eyes look so much better and girly, and there’s no make-up needed at all! It takes some practice (and time to get over the fear of the curler), but I’ll never leave home without curling my lashes ever again.
You know, sometimes you write a post, and then I realize I don’t even know the most basic thing about you!
I figured a gal who had three sisters would know everything about make-up. Whereas I, the sisterless one, was lacking in that whole girly-girl upbringing, and thus did not know a crease brush from an eyelash curler.
The first time I ever watched What Not to Wear, it took five minutes before I was seriously begging to get me signed up. At least you own the basic stuff, I don’t even have foundation or blush. I figured blush doesn’t work on a person whose skin is so dark, she doesn’t naturally noticeably blush. It’s also hard to find a foundation for my skin tone.
Anyway, on Friday night, one of the moms in my mom’s group had a Make-Up Party. She invited a couple of make-up artists she had hired for her sister’s wedding. These are two pros who came with one of those big metal cases, with a built-in stand and built-in lighting. They gave us this Bobbi Brown brochure with “10 steps to great make-up” and we all took notes. Seriously. It was like being in university again!
Anyway, I didn’t have the guts to volunteer to be one of the models, but I did get some blush applied (apparently the same brand and colour that Reese Witherspoon loves) and it looked pretty good I was told. I also tried some fabulous Lip Balm that might actually enable me to wear lipstick without inadvertently licking it all off while trying to keep my lips from shrivelling up due to excessive dryness.
The class was quite good, although it did take two hours, but the instructors assured us that we could do the basics in 5 minutes once we were practiced. One of the instructors works at Neiman Marcus, which is a little scary to my pocketbook, but she was so clearly good at her job that I think I will be visiting her there to get a few basics.
Don’t you find that Glamour has really changed? I used to read it all the time in university (the early to mid 90s) but in the late 90s, they seemed to have a radical change to become more like Cosmo — more trashy stuff, less useful stuff. Have they changed back?
Even though I used to have a subscription to Glamour, I never, ever, read the makeup part! It figures. I do feel like I’ve learned a lot about application just from watching What Not To Wear. Now my biggest challenge, actually, is keeping my hands off of my face when I have makeup on. I’m very used to rubbing my eyes or nose and that just creates smears and other bad things.
As for the eyelash curler…I’ll think it over…but it’s a little scary for me right now!
Cool about the makeup party. Actually I could really use something like that — the privacy of my own home is better than the public place of a department store makeup counter. I’ve had my makeup done once at a counter and I felt like I didn’t learn anything — not because she didn’t do a good job, but because I couldn’t see what she was doing and there was no forum for asking questions.
And thank goodness I do have sisters to inherit makeup from. Otherwise I’m sure I’d be just like you, and own nothing. I find the makeup sections of drugstores totally overwhelming — so many products, so many colours, and I have no idea what I want or what is going to work well. If (when!) I get on What Not To Wear, I intend to have the makeup lady take me shopping to show me how that’s all done, in addition to learning application.
And putting on lip balm under your lipstick is a trick I totally invented! Okay, probably not :). But I do that with those long-lasting, super-dry lipsticks and it works out great — they don’t have as much lasting power but it is much more comfortable.
Totally. I stopped reading Glamour at around the same time. It’s a shame they changed. It was such a great magazine.
Speaking of changing, I feel like Fitness has changed a bit. It seems to have a lot more inspirational stuff in it than it did before.
Those long-lasting, super-dry lipsticks don’t really exist anymore. At least, they’ve changed quite a bit and have become way nicer to wear. LittleSis bought a product last year that was a lipstick in two parts: the dry stuff that goes on first, and then this moisturizing, super shiny part that goes on top. Makes your lips look like dynamite!
Love that make-up party idea. I might look into setting one up!
Figures they don’t exist anymore. I have two long-lasting lipsticks, both bought circa my wedding (11 years ago). Who the heck knows what is out there now!
If you did have a makeup party, I’d be there! It’d be fun. One thing that I really have trouble with, though, is spending a lot of money on makeup. I know the good stuff is pricey but will provide better finishes and last a long time…but still, when I see prices like $30 for foundation or $20 for lipstick, I just can’t make that kind of investment.
Maybe if I decide I’m going to become a semi-full-time makeup wearer…
Hm, I wonder if there is some learning school in town where I could get a graduate who needs the practice. It’d be cheaper than hiring a pro.
Regardless of who I could get, you wouldn’t have to buy anything. I mean, if you learn what colours work for you, you’d just have to find those colours at Shopper’s Drug Mart instead of, say, the MAC counter at The Bay.
Foundation would be the tricky one, but I don’t think you really need foundation anyway. It’s definitely not one of the “musts”.