The Captain and I have had some interesting conversations lately about death. It’s one of those Big Questions Of Life that you’d think a parent would have given some thought to, and been prepared to answer in advance, but I’ve been caught off guard and I’m not sure how much to tell the little guy.
For a while now he’s been aware that Ba is Sir Monkeypants’ mom, and Dada is Sir Monkeypants’ dad, while Nanny is my mom. A few days ago, though, he finally put it all together and asked me where my dad is. My dad died almost 16 years ago, long before the Captain was born. I didn’t want to lie to him so I told him that my dad died a long time ago, and that that meant that he went to sleep and would never wake up again, and we would never see him again. I told him that when that happens sometimes we feel sad, but that the person who has left us is happy and okay.
Since then he’s asked for more details a few times…”When did your dad go to sleep? Why did he go to sleep? What was his name? Can we go see him?”…and I’m not always sure what to say. I don’t want to scare him but I guess this is something I can’t keep a secret forever. Today we were talking about Aladdin and how he is an orphan, meaning he has no parents, and the Captain asked me if his parents had died, so I said yes. That seemed to really freak him out so I assured him that me, Sir Monkeypants, Ba, Dada, Nanny, and the parents of all of his friends were 100% safe and going to stay around for a long, long time. I realize that isn’t entirely true but dealing with the one-day death of your own parents is way too much for a three-year-old to handle. Personally I feel it’s a lot for a thirty-five-year-old to handle.
I guess I’ll just continue to stumble through and keep him reassured while telling him as much of the truth as I can. I guess that’s what parents do every day.
TurtleHead 
I keep meaning to tell you that if he refuses to go to sleep from now on I’m blaming you and you’re staying up all night with him.
I would have just said something non-committal and mostly true “I don’t have a daddy” I’m sure that would have led to more questions but he might have just accepted it; he’s seen others that don’t have a father figure in their family and hasn’t asked too many questions about it.
He’s little. He’s going to grow up one day. But I’m hoping to put it off for as long as possible.
I learned a good tip about the “sex talk” on Rescue Me the other day. If you have the talk in the car on the way somewhere you have to look at the road and you don’t have to make eye contact.
I think it’s important not to mislead your child here. Those kinds of things will come back to haunt you. (I’m not speaking from experience, of course, but it’s something I’ve always felt strongly about.) You should try as much as possible not to make it sound scary, but you definitely can’t lie about it.
Anyway, I think generally kids are pretty adaptable. I’ve already seen this so many times with Mr Excitement — when introduced to something new, he frequently puts up a fuss but it’s amazing how if you stick with something it quickly becomes second nature to him.
I think you did a great job (once again!) of answering his questions honestly and gently. If he’s asking those types of questions, he can probably handle a generalized truth.