A year or so after Sir Monkeypants started playing in a regular poker game, I started one of my own with some of the wives/girlfriends of the guys in his game. Unlike the men, we only play for $5 and I don’t think anyone has actually lost more than $3 a night. It’s really all about the snacks and chatting. If you’re the host, the pressure to provide a good spread is heavy and I’m always on the lookout for exciting new snack foods to try. After everyone gets there it usually takes about half an hour to play the first three hands because we are busy admiring the snacks, getting a plateful of snacks, and making “yum yum” sounds about the snacks. Last time we played we were in Mrs Carl Sagan’s basement, and I had to come upstairs to refill the bowl of Party Mix at the half hour point, and her husband Carl, who is a pretty serious player, thought it was pretty hilarious that we’d a) made it through the first bowl already, and b) only played two hands because we were busy chatting about everyone’s kids and kept forgetting whose turn it was to bet.

A while ago BarkyShark made a guest appearance at one of our games and she was much more advanced than us. She actually dared to use the blue chips — value 25 cents — which we basically had never used before, except occasionally to get some change for more nickels. She’d be happy to know that since her visit we do occasionally bet dimes. Anyway, she advised us that we couldn’t really be considered a serious game unless we all had intimidating nicknames to throw around, so we got straight to work at picking some out. Here’s our list.

Agi: She’s The Ballbuster because when made the unheard-of monster bet of $1, Agi didn’t back down and called her, and won the hand. Since then she’s proven she won’t back down from a big bet or a big fight.

MyFriendJen: She’s Hold ‘Em because she always wins at Texas Hold ‘Em, even though it’s one of her least favourite games. We’ve even started folding if Jen bets anything because you know right away it’s a hopeless case.

LuckySevens: She’s Sevens because she has the worst luck of all of us, and often comes out in the red, and once a game of 5-card-stud was called in which “a natural pair of sevens takes all,” and unbelieveably she was dealt just such a pair, and was finally poised to make a killing, but then due to some problem with the deal we had to redeal, and it was just so sad. Now whenever there is a redeal we tease her about losing out on a great hand.

FameThrowa: She’s Nerves which is short for “Nerves of Steel” because she’s by far the most nervous nelly of the group. Even though she is a good player she is usually the most likely to dither over whether she’s in or out for ages. We don’t mind though because it gives us a chance to get more snacks and do more chatting, and then ask the usual question, “What’s going on here? Where are we?”

Mrs Carl Sagan: She’s The Eraser because she started the idea of rubbing your cards for good luck — when you get dealt a new card for your hand, you must rub it before looking. It doesn’t really work that often. But it’s intimidating in a charming, hilarious sort of way so it works for her nickname.

Me: I’m The Bittermaker because it’s my favourite poker word for when I have a great hand but someone else just barely beats me out. Bittermaker! But I like to think that it’s my nickname because I make the other players bitter as I take all their hard-earned nickels. Oh, I’m a killer, people!

I usually lose more often than I win but a couple of games ago, on the way out the door, I was making sure I had enough change, and Sir Monkeypants said, “Here’s a novel idea. How about you just win?” and then I won the biggest amount anyone had ever won, $5. So tomorrow I’m looking to clean up again. Then I’m going out to get that pair of strappy sandals I didn’t get yesterday and already regret. Momma needs a new pair of shoes!