And another thing…we were visiting a relative that I don’t know very well and while talking to me, she made a comment that I consider racist. I just made a non-committal noise and the conversation moved on. But afterwards I felt bad about it and wondered if I should have said something. I’m really not a confrontational person at all and I wouldn’t have been looking to start a fight. But I felt as though I’d betrayed my morals somehow by not standing up for what I believe.
On the other hand I don’t know her that well, and while I doubt I could have revolutionized her way of thinking by pointing out her remark, I’m sure I could have totally offended her, causing a real problem and a real scene at my mother-in-law’s house, which would not have been good.
I don’t know…do you think that if someone says something that offends your sensibilities, that you have some sort of obligation to yourself to speak up? Or is it enough to think to yourself, “I don’t agree,” and leave it at that? My kids were sleeping at the time, but if they had been there, maybe it would have been more important to say something — so that they knew it was not okay to think that way. Hm.
TurtleHead 
It depends on
a) if me saying something might actually sink in. With most people who say something offensive, usually nothing sinks in.
b) how close you are to the person. Is ruffling their feathers worth it?
That said, I think it is perfectly fine if you say “Wow, it’s unfortunate you feel that way. I can’t say I feel the same.” to someone you don’t know well and “You know, that isn’t a very kind remark” to someone you know better.
I’ve been in that situation before with Nana, to whom I said “You know, it’s not nice to refer to that group of people in that way.” She had no reply, and we moved on in the conversation. Not sure if it sunk in or not.